What can I do? Feeling hopeless and suicidal? Calling all GLP angels of Light

Been on this board awhile. I just try to be a nice person everyday to everyone how much pain and trauma is one person supposed to carry? Didn’t ask for my father to die when I was a child, or for mother to go batshit crazy in depression and become a hoarder and ruin my entire childhood, go to school smelling and had CPS called. Didn’t ask to grow up with childhood depression or obesity from a single parent only being able to provide fast food every night after work or dependency of drugs and alcohol to numb the pain starting in the teens. I never got a fair shot at life.
I made the best of it and lost 100lbs tried to advance my career and do the best I could with what I had. I thought I met the love of my life but she ended up being crazier and almost as damaged as me go figure. Being skeptical and conspiracy minded has been my whole life especially since 9/11 and Covid. You’d think oh well suck it up life should get better that’s just your childhood.
Well after the Covid non sense and being in vaccinated I’m very untrusting of people and their ulterior motives. I argued with my child’s mother not to get him vaccinated. We fight and argued for years on and off again relationship. Now it’s basically I’ve been kicked out of the house and I never see my son. Now I’m being told he’s diagnosed with autism? What’s going to make me not kill my self at this point? Mind you all of this is While I’m in my twenties I want to get revenge so bad. I’m well aware of the evil that lurks and is protected in this hedonistic society.

How can we prove that people are fucking with us? The courts are all corrupt. I was even talking with an old high football coach buddy and he noticed what I noticed that the boys nowadays aren’t even close to the men we were in high school. No muscle no facial hair weak and wimpy. We are being genetically attacked at every angle. Mind body and soul. Who wants to join me in this fight to save America? Because I’m sick and fucking tired of it and I can think of some people that deserve to rot in hell, before I’d ever take my own life.