Wild, Unbelievable Tales

I would if I could

It's really a big ask, but is there anyway the mods can turn off the immedi-ban service on just this one thread?

The only way you’re getting a ban immunity is if you register an account and either pay for a membership or another user offers you an update.
I get banned just reading some days

Yep. ^^^^ That's the way it rolls here.

Got banned yesterday for simply clicking a thread to read.

It's too bad. This place would be so much more entertaining with less restriction.

You should definitely tell us your tale. Maybe give a disclaimer at the top like “this is purely for entertainment purposes wink”

LOL... Just ENDOCDEument it...

The BAN tool is LIMITED.

Ok. I'm really shortening this tale down. Still, it's TL;DR.

It is for entertainment purposes only, but it's a true story, too.

First, about me. My real initials are B.O.

Back in the 1960s-70s, we had speech contests at the city, regional, state and national levels. One of those speech contests were conducted by the Optimist Club and the topic was always "What America Means to Me."

I was a real smart kid and I gave good speeches. In fact, I always came in first place at the regional level. My best friend in my class (Jim), always came in 2nd place. That was from 6th and 7th grades.

8th grade was when we were allowed to participate in the Optimist Club contest. Fifteen minute speech, memorized.

Jim and I gave our speeches in front of the entire student body. Only one could go from our school. I won again. Poor Jim, bless his heart. He never beat me.

On the day of the contest, I was pumped up like you would not believe. Lots of people had told me that I could get a scholarship, go to law school, go into politics, and yeah...at 14-years old, I wanted to be President. On that day, all that stuff was going through my mind. I was on my way to a really bad ass life.

Class started that day. The contest was scheduled for that night. Our teacher pulled me and Jim aside and said that the Optimist Club would let Jim give his speech, because someone in another school had pulled out.

It had been weeks since Jim had made that speech, but his Mom came with a copy of it and our teacher asked me to help Jim re-memorize it.

It was the 1st time I had actually read his speech. I'd heard him give it, but damn...this speech in my hands was really good! I told Jim to give it some oomph here and there, but he never did. He just kept saying the speech with that 2nd place delivery.

The contest was held at a local hotel in a big conference room. We had dinner, and then it was time to get up and do our thing.

Four of us students were competing. Jim drew 3rd out of the hat. I drew forth. OMG! What a great omen! I was going to all the way baby! I really wanted to be President one day, and this was my kick off towards that goal.

The 1st two guys sucked. One of them would come in 3rd place. This was between me and my best friend now. Jim got up and began his speech. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE...when Jim started putting that OOMPH in his speech right in the places I told him to do so! I was stunned. It was the best speech he had ever given and I was so proud of him.

Now it was my turn. Remember where I said he had always come in 2nd place...to me? Here was his last opportunity to win, so I "accidently" fucked up my speech "technically" to a degree that only the judges would notice it. I wanted my best friend to know what it felt like to win...and Jim did won.

I came in 2nd place.

And here is where it gets wild and unbelievable.

I wanted to be President, and I knew that if it ever happened, it would be in the 2004, 2008, or 2012 election.

My initials are B.O.

Sometimes, God will take a pure, unselfish heart and show you something really incredible and seriously ironic.

You guys think Trump is the shitz? You would have loved me as President. I was already a conservative at 14-years...and with seeing all the bull shit that had gone down since the 70s,...well...let's just say that by 2004, 2008, and 2012...my "What American Means to Me" speech would come off as a rant-level call to arms. I would have been very much like DeSantis is.

The DoJ would have busted them all by now. That's the DoJ's job...corruption. All the money-laundering in Ukraine would have been exposed years ago, and all those people would have been busted.

This gender-weird BS...I would have died on that hill to stop it. Women's rights? What the hell are men doing in their gym showers!?!?

Actually, I'm glad all that passed me by. The WEF would have hated me more than Trump, and I would have been in the perfect years to squash 'em down a bit.

And I didn't have to wear a suit, or do fund raisers, or glad hand people who were asshats.

I thank God everyday for giving me the opportunity to be unselfish and move through life in an innocent way.