Jesus to come out of retirement and fight Kimbo Slice

May 31, 2008

Jesus to challenge Kimbo Slice in Pay-Per-View Television Extravaganza

By: Sorcha Faal, and as reported to her Western Subscribers

The Prince of Peace wants a piece.

Sources close to the Lamb of God are reporting that the nearly two-thousand year reign in Heaven enjoyed by their master is coming to an abrupt end, as Jesus Christ will descend to Earth earlier than planned to face mixed-martial-artist (MMA) Kimbo Slice in what is being hyped as the biggest television event of all time.

"This will go down in history as 'The Thrashing of Christ'," Slice said yesterday by phone from his home in Miami.
"No one's lasted more then two minutes in the cage with me, and I don't care who his father is - nor will his face when it meets my fist."

Archangel Michael, Jesus' trainer, disagrees.
"Kimbo's ego will be his achille's heel," the patron saint of strength told us via email.
"Jesus may not be the biggest guy, but the mofo can sure take a beating and come right back fighting. I'd bite my tongue if I were Kimbo."

The Lord could not be reached for comment.

The fight is tentatively scheduled for either late this year or early 2009 so as not to conflict with the Summer Games in Shanghai.