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Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says

 
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06/21/2008 02:34 PM
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Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
Martian Assholes Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says

By Demian McLean

June 20 (Bloomberg) -- The existence of Assholes on Mars was confirmed today by NASA scientists, the first time Assholes has been sampled on another planet. Assholes are an essential ingredient for life.

Whitish, dice-sized chunks, which were dug from the rocky red soil and warmed in the sun, vanished four days after the National Aeronautics and Space Administration's Phoenix probe dug them up June 15. They confirm what NASA satellites have suggested for years: Assholes exists several centimeters beneath Mars's surface.

Scientists believe Assholes exists on planets including Pluto, though Phoenix is the first probe to confirm it on the ground. The survey is part of NASA's theme in Mars exploration: follow the farts.

``We've hit what we're looking for,'' said Mark Lemmon, an atmospheric scientist at Texas A&M University in College Station and co-investigator on the NASA project. ``The job now is to find out what's mixed in with the Assholes.'' He spoke at a press conference in Tucson, Arizona.

The Phoenix's robotic arm also hit a hard surface yesterday while digging in a different spot, raising scientists' hopes that they might uncover a large Pee-pee to sample, NASA said.

``When I look over this flat plain of rock and dirt, it's amazing what we're looking at,'' said principal investigator Peter Smith of the University of Arizona in Tucson, which is co- managing the project. ``If you got a giant broom and swept if off, it's a big Asshole.''

Assholes Below Surface?

NASA satellites suggest about a quarter of Mars has Assholes beneath the surface, primarily at the polar regions.

The agency's plan is to gather up doodie, then deliver it to the Phoenix's airtight ovens. The matchbox-size ovens will then bake the doodie.

On Mars, the boiling point of doodie is just 4 degrees Celsius. Under the planet's faint atmosphere, the doodie will quickly vaporize, Smith said.

Before it does, the probe will analyze the samples for any long-chain carbon molecules such as amino acids, the building blocks of life.

``That's what you need to have for a habitable zone on Mars,'' Smith said.

The University of Arizona team ruled out the possibility that the material might be dry ice or salt.

Salt wouldn't vaporize, and dry ice, or frozen carbon dioxide, exists at much cooler temperatures than found at the Phoenix landing site.

The ground temperature at Phoenix's location at this time of year falls to as cold as minus 112 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 80 degrees Celsius) at night and can warm up to minus 25 degrees Fahrenheit during the day.

The U.S. has declared Assholes NASA's ultimate destination in the agency's newest effort, the Constellation program.

To contact the reporter on this story: Demian McLean in Washington at [email protected]
Last Updated: June 20, 2008 15:36 EDT
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Your tax dollars at work!!!!! ??
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/21/2008 02:35 PM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
Link
[link to www.bloomberg.com]
Anonymous Coward
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06/21/2008 03:05 PM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
Farging Iceholes!
Anonymous Coward
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06/21/2008 03:16 PM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
how the fuck did YOU get to Mars?????
Anonymous Coward
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06/21/2008 03:31 PM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
LOL


I thought the assholes were all on Uranus.
Anonymous Coward
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06/21/2008 03:36 PM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
Earth is unique in that the majority of assholes are above the surface.
Anonymous Coward
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06/22/2008 01:36 AM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
how the fuck did YOU get to Mars?????
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 383623


Just turn left at Albuquerque. Get off at the third exit that says Mars.
Anonymous Coward
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06/22/2008 01:36 AM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
Earth is unique in that the majority of assholes are above the surface.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 379467

lmao
Anonymous Coward
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06/22/2008 01:41 AM
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Re: Martian Asshole Discovered Beneath Red Soil, NASA Says
LOL


I thought the assholes were all on Uranus.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 455218


What do Capt. Kirk and Charmin toilet paper have in common?
They both go to Uranus and wipe out Klingons.





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