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Dear Red States

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 485668
United States
10/02/2008 12:13 AM
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Dear Red States
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 515474
United States
10/02/2008 12:18 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Good riddance.. you'll all destroy those places as well.
Evil Twin

User ID: 515350
United States
10/02/2008 12:19 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Sounds good to me.
battleflag
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 515474
United States
10/02/2008 12:21 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
and by the way the coast of Alabama is one of the most pristine around. have fun with that. put a wall around yourself while your at it, so we can throw our garbage over the fence. you'll need to eat eventually
Evil Twin

User ID: 515350
United States
10/02/2008 12:22 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Incidentally, the red states grow all the food.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 508762
United States
10/02/2008 12:24 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Not much prettier then the Smoky Mountains.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 515483
United States
10/02/2008 12:33 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Incidentally, the red states grow all the food.
 Quoting: Evil Twin

Not true.When i lived in Ny state they were the biggest grower of tomatos,not to mention they are one of the biggest producer of dairy products ,apples,potatos and also grain.a lot of hay and grain was sent south from NY during times of drought in the south
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 515483
United States
10/02/2008 12:34 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
oh and worker productivity is higer
floydian slip

User ID: 1338
United States
10/02/2008 12:36 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
2000 and 2004 election maps

[link to www.usatoday.com]

Check out my state KS

Guess which county I live in ;)
Tessa

User ID: 512991
United States
10/02/2008 12:39 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
the beaches along the gulf beat the snot out of cali's beaches ANY DAY
"Whether this song is about sex, drugs, or Ramen Noodles, it's moving. And you can bet your ass that you can fuck to it."
meroj
User ID: 439530
United States
10/02/2008 01:04 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
Okay, blues, knock yourselves out.
(Very intolerant, the blues. Not to mention hateful.)
it's been swell
User ID: 508810
United States
10/02/2008 01:18 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
don't let the door hit you in the arse...

:buhbye:


-ps... mind if we give you a hand and "convert" a few, um, "fence-sitters", and send em with ya?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 485668
United States
10/02/2008 01:47 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
lol
Jonnyblaze

User ID: 515508
United States
10/02/2008 01:48 AM
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Re: Dear Red States
i would agree, guld coast beaches > cali beaches.

ive lived on both.





GLP