HELP!!! I'm Starting to HATE my Step Kids!!!!!

mentally sick if you ask me.

You sound like you'd be hanging out with the 11-year old.

Did Mommy do everything for you when you grew up? Sounds like someone who never did their own laundry or cooked their own meals.

I DO show them love! I take them places, I play games with them, I cook them homemade meals and desserts and what I get in return is 2 lazy, self-centered pigs that complain when asked to do a GOD DAMN THING! They whine and complain about putting their dish in the dishwasher. It's sooooo hard! They complain when asked to vaccuumm the living room and then do such a shitty job all the asking, pleading, etc wasn't even worth it.

I'm just sooooooooooooo upset today after a long weekend with them my head and eyes are throbbing from the stress!

My Mom was a wonderful mom who made everything from scratch.

I worked 50-75 hours a week up until a few months ago and I left my practice because I have been severly ill and almost died a few times. I need help around the house right now. Not only from Hubby, but from lazy asshole step kids.

its soooo easy to fix half assed effort around the house. if they arent cleaning well enough, and they wont finish the job even after being asked nicely...mess the whole damn house up, right then and raise hell while youre doing it(tell hubby in advance) make a scene out of it and THEN make them clean it all up. REPEAT this process maybe 3 times, problem solved. if you arent a bitch all the time theyll understand and appreciate it in a few years. who gives a shit how they feel about you right now?? youre a parent, and youre responsible for teaching your kids(as we all are) to be upstanding, decently intelligent citizens. Youve got this.

The kids resent you. I know the kids are wrong and should be made to act right. Essentially you can't hide your feelings from a kid. They know that you "hate" and "despise" them, thus they will try to make you miserable enough to leave their Dad. They want to get rid of you, and this scenerio is common in blended families. The natural parent also senses your "hate" and becomes defensive. It is heartbreaking to be the parent caught in the middle of all of this too. Yes, the parents should keep a united front about the rules, but I would not stay with someone who "hates my children" with such passion just because of a few dishes.

Shoot the lazy little bastids......

This a good start!! 0r should I say a good Idea you were not put in this relationship to be a doormat.

Spend a few days at a local motel or hotel. On the way out the door, tell your husband that he needs to help enforce your rules or you won't be back.

I feel for you...

I had a similar situation, only reversed and it took a long time to get things right, but I came to the point where I couldn't take it any longer.

I had a book to write and couldn't do it at home. I had no peace.

I stayed away for more than a couple of days, but my intentions were not to stay away forever.

I was really nice about it too. I called my wife every day and made sure she knew I loved her, but I couldn't come back home until my house was my home...

Fast forward...

Everyone knows there place and I am a very happy man!

Set some hard limits on how far you will go and take care of yourself first. Watch them change their behavior quickly. You may unconsciously be giving off the vibe of a victim, and most people will unconsciously take advantage of that.

Quit cooking, quit cleaning. Go out to restaurants by yourself. They'll get the message. Words just don't cut it.

Sounds pretty typical really. My kids are ALL slobs. I just take their stuff and their priviledges away. Consistency is a bitch, but it's all that works. Never let up. Ever. Giving in is the absolute worst thing you can do.

Im a step mom as well, and no it isn't easy when you are the step parent and not the natural parent, who perhaps has more say so than you, while you get less respect. I know, it sucks.

Look, Ive known my step daughter since she was five. She's 16 now. When she has problems she comes to me before her father. But it's because I really talk to her and let HER talk, even if it isn't what 'I' think is all that important. It's important to her. We do stuff together. And lord YES she's tried to start fights between my husband and me. and YES she tries to start fights(verbal of course). I just always finish them. Then we move on.

It is sad your husband doesn't have a more united front with you. Demand it. Nothing will work well without him backing you up.

We call for family meetings. During the meetings, all have to attend, and each person has a sort of free zone, to say whatever needs to be said. Anger, crying, and eventually laughing.

Dont give up on the 11 year old. My 15 yr old son's voice FINALLY changed last year, so that helped, lol. What's he into? Maybe show some interest in what he enjoys. He may just be bored.

We are a blended family of five, count em, five kids, with the oldest out of the house..finally. And I love em all.

question OP...

do you guys have shared custody? or just every other weekend?

My parents split when i was very young. Went to my dads every other weekend often. I would have been very hurt if he'd made me do chores while i was there...

I mean if i was there all the time, sure, but i didn't go over there to vacuum their floors.

On the other side i would have never disrespected my step mother. Even though she was a horrible bitch and hated me. I was still nice to her and didn't talk back.

Sounds like you and hubby need to have a come to jebus meeting about your expectations

bingo.

OP is a crazy ass c#nt and should be dumped.

lets take a poll

I don't think my post was addressing you. Never mind.

Kids these days love their electronic devices.

Leverage your needs (their responsibilities) with their need to use these devices or Internet connectivity to them.

Now you have their attention.

hey op since your so sick why don't you tell their mother how much you hate her kids, i don't think any NORMAL HEALTHY MOTHER would want her children around trash like you

Man, I am right there with you in the same rowboat. I've been married to a woman with 3 kids, one of them lives by themselves and the other two live with us. They are very mature for their ages, very smart and reasonably responsible.

However, YES they do not do their own dishes all the time, do not pick up after themselves, leave lights on all the time and hide away in their rooms most of the time. I've felt like a slave for years now. Sound familiar?!?!

Here's what I finally realized. They are TEENAGERS. No matter what you teach them, and no matter what you tell them they are not going to listen. They are stuck in an awkward time in their lives, struggling with who they are, who they are going to be after college, and trying to revolt against any and all authority because of this.

DO NOT TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY. It took me a while to realize that there's a difference between a teen that does not pick up after themselves (and I end up doing it) and them looking me in the face and calling me an *&%hole. While I don't want either to happen I'd rather have the former than later. I've found myself hating them from time to time, and I'm sure the feelings are shared. This is just human nature when you live with other people!

My 15 year old is super emo. This has made a great challange for me being male. It seems at times that I can neither say the right thing nor say it the right way. The older one (23) doesn't need another father as she has one, but her and I have our run ins. Only lately when I finally sat down with them and told them how I felt did her and I start to see eye to eye .. and oddly enough begin to realize how much we were alike, though we weren't blood related!

You can't go after your spouse either. Attacking them and telling them they are a bad parent won't work, been there done that. Trying to raise their kids for them won't work. Having to argue with your spouse to determine the best course of action for a childs development is good for the kind (most of the time) but bad for the marriage, and overall bad for the whole family.

Here's my best advice: You can only change yourself. I know, this isn't easy. It isn't fun. Yes, every relationship takes two to make it work, and keep in mind each person (kid or adult) has their own personality and you will have to change your behaviors accordingly to each personality (argh!). Go with the flow.

Above all there's nothing I wouldn't do for my kids, including dieing if I needed to to save them without any thoughts otherwise. Teenagers have to learn everything you have already learned to get to this point. But, one thing I have realized is even my 15 year old has a lot to teach me!

and good luck to you!!!

I love it!

When I was little and didn't do a chore well my Mom made me do it over and over until they got it right. Today that would be child abuse!

I can't stand how most kids are now days.

We get them 1/2 the time and she gets the 1/2 the time. We also pay her $5,000 a month in Alimony.

wait till they come out the shower, grab them lock them outside naked, then flash all the lights on the house, windows open, music on full blast.

i done it to my nephew when he was being a little shit.. i was howling with laughter, it might not work but fuck it feels good.

quality

5,000 a fucking month?

rich fuckers.

Obama going redistibute that wealth.

yassir!!!

Honey, is that you?????

LOL

This is the reason so many 2nd+ marriages fail - trying to blend an already existing family is difficult.

These kids weren't raised with your values.

Their dad needs to step in. They are his, afterall. To them, you are just the interloper.

Maybe he thought he'd pon off his responsibility onto you once he got remarried. Probably treated the mother that way.

Set him straight, or leave for your healths sake.

Perfect!

I would add that their allowance should only be given for chores done well and cheerfully. No work, shoddy work, whining and complaining while doing work, no money. Period.

After a couple of weeks they'll shape up.

As for the whining little one - I find foam earplugs are a wonderful sanity saver. They start that crap, I put them in. They know I'll only take them out when they can speak in a normal, human voice.

Worried about not being able to hear tv or something with them in? Learn to watch tv with captions. Ahhh, peaceful.

All kids go through this stage. I was on the verge of hating my boyfriends son who is about the same age, and apparently his mother also had issues. She threatened him with moving in with his dad permanently. He loves his dad, but likes going back n' forth. Anyway, try that, tell them in a nice manner, maybe make a list and hang it in the kitchen, and their bedrooms. And make them do their own laundry, if they dont do it, then it wont get done, soon enough they'll be embarassed at school, cause the other kids will make fun of them saying they smell.
Tell the boys or have their dad tell them, that they will start staying with their mom full time, and see their dad only every other weekend, if they dont shape up.

get them some playboys and some vaseline. You wont see them for a few years. :)

We are not rich fuckers. She is a lazy, self-entitled, greedy selfish whore that is why I used to but my lazy assed step kids some slack, then I realized if they can't pick up a plate or put a dirty shirt in the hamper or whine and cry when you make them do homework, there is no way in hell they can be self sufficient young adults and I don't want them in MY home at 21! They need to learn to care for themselves and if the lazy natural mom won't do it, I'm going to have to.

get them some playboys and some vaseline.