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Dear Red States...

 
Nucking Futs
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User ID: 455142
United States
10/31/2008 09:23 PM
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Dear Red States...
Dear Red States:

We, the Blue States, have decided we're leaving to form our own country. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. You Red States can have what is left over.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of The Blue States of America.

To sum up briefly:
- You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states - We get the best beaches.
- We get the Statue of Liberty - You get Dollywood.
- We get Intel and Microsoft - You get WorldCom.
- We get Harvard - You get Ole' Miss.
- We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs - You get Alabama.
- We get two-thirds of the tax revenue - You get to make the Red States pay their fair share.
- Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families - You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that The Blue States of America will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes. Nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
Virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 53 percent say that Saddam was involved in 9/11, And 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

The Blue States
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 539450
United States
10/31/2008 09:26 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
Dear Blue Places,.

We've decided to kick you out. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all Red Places with us..

The Blue Places include Southern California, the gay region surrounding San Fransisco, Hawaii, Western Oregon , Washington , Northern Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.

To sum up briefly: we get Texas , Oklahoma and all the other Energy producing States, and States with Gold, Uranium, Iron, Copper, Silver, Granite, Coal, and Limestone. You get some trees, and a volcano or two.

You get the Statue of Liberty. We get the Alamo. You get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. We get AMD, Dell, and IBM. You get Harvard, Standford, and Brown. We get Rice, SMU, Texas A&M, Duke, Notre Dame, Purdue, UNC, Wake Forest, BYU, Baylor, Boise State, Oklahoma, and Texas.

We get 90% of America 's refining capacity, 90% of her chicken, pork, and beef, 90% of her grain farmlands, milk and egg production, and a healthy dose of entrepreneurs. You get Brooklyn. You get two-thirds of the tax revenue (because y'all have the most population); we get a Tax Rebate because we intend to make y'all pay 90% more for gas and heating oil. If y'all want cheaper oil y'all will have to drill on your own. We're joining OPEC.

Please also be aware that the Red Places will have every major military installation of the former United States within our territory. All armored and infantry divisions, all combat fighter wings, all strategic bomber forces, all strategic missile forces, and three major naval ports, including both the pacific and atlantic fleets. We will be sending all 5 of your citizens now deployed to Iraq back to their homes effectively immediately. The two Californians, the guy from Queens, the guy from Oregon, and the girl from Westchester can be expected home next week. We will replace these kitchen staff with some recruits from the Yukon, the newest member of our confederation. If you need people to fight for you, ask your gang members in east LA, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, New Jersey, or any one of the urban ghettos which you breed so many violent people. .Don't worry about the Navy most of the people onboard the ships are from Red States and will be moved to one of our bases.

You get Hollywood. Yay! You get the Yankees and the Red Sox. Yay! We get the Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, Broncos, and the Titans.

You get Sunset Blvd. Yay! We get the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Devil's Mountain, Black Butte Ranch, the Rockies, the Klondikes, and the vast Alaskan wilderness.

By the way, we're taking all of the good tobacco, Beer, and whiskey.

Only Blue State wimps serve wine and cheese.

Oh and we are loaded for bear. We own 90% of all private firearms. You mess with one of us you mess with all of us and we'll nuke you sorry sons of bitches back to the stoneage.

Comprende Kimosabe?

Rock On,
Red Places
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 539450
United States
10/31/2008 09:28 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
Dear Blue States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Red States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Alaska , Montana , Wyoming , Utah , The Dakotas , Arizona , Colorado , New Mexico , Texas , Oklahoma , and all of the South including Florida by Capitulation. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of The United Confederate States of New America.

To sum up briefly: We will split you in half. You can have stem cell research and Hollywood. Don't cry when that shit you call California falls in the Pacific Ocean and we control Arizona bay. We will enforce the No Fly Zone. Don't forget what lies beneath the dirt in Wyoming.

You can have the Statue of Liberty. Fuck the French.
Peace Out.
The Red States

P.S. Try something original.
Copy and paste is getting old.
ThePatriotMind

User ID: 519678
United States
10/31/2008 09:29 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
I believe that would suit more people than you could imagine .... on boith sides

but last time it was tried the blue states didnt let the red states go :P
Fighting and triggering liberals and SJW's in the trenches of their safe spaces since 2014

Signed,

The Patriot Mind
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 331956
United States
10/31/2008 09:31 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
why do rednecks vote for the party of the rich and fake values?

are they really that stupid?
ThePatriotMind

User ID: 519678
United States
10/31/2008 09:31 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
funny thing is if you study it hard and long ... the blue states could only become a third world country in the end ... :) and a communist or fascist one to boot
Fighting and triggering liberals and SJW's in the trenches of their safe spaces since 2014

Signed,

The Patriot Mind
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 465333
United States
10/31/2008 09:33 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
why do rednecks vote for the party of the rich and fake values?

are they really that stupid?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 331956


The Dems are the party of the rich. The Blue States are the richest whitest states. Deal with it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8416
United States
10/31/2008 09:37 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
I like the second post better. It was original. Next, the OP will be posting e-mails from George Carlin and Charlie Daniels. Never mind that the former is no longer with us.
ThePatriotMind

User ID: 519678
United States
10/31/2008 09:38 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
why do rednecks vote for the party of the rich and fake values?

are they really that stupid?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 331956


im not sure what your definition of a redneck is but ill assum it is anyone below the mason dixon line to you ...

its all in the value system of cultures and some people beleive there are some things a lot more important than money .... but if your referring to republicans as the paRTY OF THE RICH.....

rotflmao YOU NEED to do a double take and see what the net worth of the eltiest democrats are controling your party and spewing disinformation to the sheople of that party...

I am not even republican I am a libertarian maybe thats why I can see it and you cannot I am not blinded by either of the NWO parties .... BTW most of the rednecks you speak of IE people below the mason dixon line are libertarians whether they know it or not ... they only remain registered republicans to get to vote in the primary ....

but more and more all the time are waking up seeing that there is no difference in the two parties except the rhetoric used to scare people into voting one side or other

eventually the tide will turn compeltely and the Ron Pauls of the nation will be elected enmasse from these redneck states while the sheoples of the elitest blue states continue to be blind
Fighting and triggering liberals and SJW's in the trenches of their safe spaces since 2014

Signed,

The Patriot Mind
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 331956
United States
10/31/2008 09:41 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
why do rednecks vote for the party of the rich and fake values?

are they really that stupid?


The Dems are the party of the rich. The Blue States are the richest whitest states. Deal with it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 465333


yea the blue state taxes pay for the red states


im talking corporations and individuals, the wealthy ARE mostly Republicans

typical redneck reply
ThePatriotMind

User ID: 519678
United States
10/31/2008 09:43 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
yea the blue state taxes pay for the red states


im talking corporations and individuals, the wealthy ARE mostly Republicans

typical redneck reply
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 331956



are you really this Ignorant or do you just play an Ignorant guy on the forums?
Fighting and triggering liberals and SJW's in the trenches of their safe spaces since 2014

Signed,

The Patriot Mind
JohnnyCarcinogen

User ID: 506110
United States
10/31/2008 09:47 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
It's maybe... not so new...

Thread: Dear Red States

Thread: goodbye red states

Thread: Hey Red States

Thread: Dear Red States

Thread: Dear Red States:
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 539450
United States
10/31/2008 09:52 PM
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Re: Dear Red States...
Please also be aware that the Red Places will have every major military installation of the former United States within our territory. All armored and infantry divisions, all combat fighter wings, all strategic bomber forces, all strategic missile forces, and three major naval ports, including both the pacific and atlantic fleets. We will be sending all 5 of your citizens now deployed to Iraq back to their homes effectively immediately. The two Californians, the guy from Queens, the guy from Oregon, and the girl from Westchester can be expected home next week. We will replace these kitchen staff with some recruits from the Yukon, the newest member of our confederation. If you need people to fight for you, ask your gang members in east LA, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, New Jersey, or any one of the urban ghettos which you breed so many violent people. .Don't worry about the Navy most of the people onboard the ships are from Red States and will be moved to one of our bases.





GLP