Godlike Productions - Discussion Forum
Users Online Now: 1,976 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 52,276
Pageviews Today: 145,692Threads Today: 129Posts Today: 1,522
01:25 AM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner

 
Hanfeitzu
Offer Upgrade

User ID: 503964
United States
11/26/2008 11:48 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner


Thanksgiving is one of our greatest holidays. We eat until we feel like we're going to die and then we lay around and watch football. But you're also forced to see family members that can turn all the gluttony into a big downer. Here are the seven worst.

7. THE RELIGIOUS RELATIVE

­­­It's fine if you love Jesus. No one is saying you can't. But you have to understand that for the rest of us, Thanksgiving is the only Holiday we get where we don't have to hear about the man upstairs. Therefore, I don't give a shit that the shape of my mashed potatoes reminded you of a passage from Corinthians, I just want you to pass the salt. I may not know Jesus as well as you do, but if he's as cool as you say he is, then if he was invited over to somebody's house for dinner, he probably wouldn't spend the entire meal talking about how awesome he is. That sounds to me like an asshole.

Typical Conversation:
You: You know, I think if the Colts could get healthy, they could make a run this year.

Religious Relative: And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:15
You: Right. I'm pretty sure the Lord wasn't referring to someone having "turf toe."


6. THE PERSON WITH THE SECRET EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
You'll know this person is coming to your thanksgiving about three and a half minutes before they get there, because you're mother will pull you aside and say, "Ben is coming. Now, he's gay, but he hasn't come out to the family yet, so don't say anything about gay things. Everyone, did you hear that? Ben is coming and he's gay, but he hasn't come out yet!" Now, all anyone can think of when they look at Ben is "gay, gay, gay,gay" and because you don't want to bring any attention to the fact that he's got this secret, you end up bringing even more attention to it by striking up a conversation that is the direct opposite of it, which ends up awkwardly becoming about said secret.

Typical Conversation:

You: So, Ben, how about that new James Bond Movie. He's a good James Bond right? I mean, just the way he acts, not like how he looks or anything. Not that he acts a certain way or that you can tell something from how somebody acts, but just like- wow, that's a lot of gravy on your plate. I mean, I like gravy-


5. THE FANTASY FOOTBALL GUY
Football on Thanksgiving is a tradition, but your fantasy team is not. So when the entire room wants to change the channel because the Lions are losing by 42 points with six minutes left, it's super annoying when you respond with, "Wait, wait, I just have to see if Calvin Johnson gets fourteen more receiving yards." To make matters worse, this person insists on telling you the score to their fantasy game, and the picks they made early in the season that have or have not panned out, like they were in a Nazi prison camp and a guard made them choose which one of their children lived.

Typical Conversation:

Fantasy Guy: YES!

You: Is it a close game?

FG: No, it's 46-20. Kevin Smith lost two yards. I need him to not gain more than ten yards the rest of the game, the guy I'm playing has him. I took Matt Forte instead of him, I was thinking of taking smith, but at the last second, I had Forte in my draft que and I just pushed "draft."

You: Great. Um, you think we can change the channel? There's three minutes left and we were hoping to watch anything but this.

FG:
Yeah yeah of course, there's just three minutes left though. I just gotta make sure I win this week. Sorry.

4. THE NEW BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND THAT WON'T LAST

This person brought their boyfriend that they met three weeks ago when they were shit-faced drunk and letting people take body shots off their titties. Now everyone has to pretend like she and he are in a serious relationship, even though when he tells someone he's originally from Tuscon his "girlfriend" responds with "really, I thought you were from Fresno...Huh." And since now there's someone at the table that no one knows, everybody has to pretend like they have manners are care about what's going on in other people's lives. This leads to everyone at the table focusing on the fact that this dude they've never met before, and will never see again, is "in ad sales right now, but looking to maybe starting a club promotion business or something like that."

Typical Conversation:
You: I was thinking of buying a new Honda.

Cousin: Brian used to fix Hondas, right Brian?

Cousin's Boyfriend: Um, no. I know a guy who did, though.

Cousin: Really, I thought you did?

Cousin's Boyfriend: Nope.

(awkward silence)

Your Mom: Well, being a mechanic is a good job.

(more awkward silence)



3. THE OVERLY POLITICAL RELATIVE
You havenít read the latest book by Ron Paul, and you have no idea what the trade deficit is, but thatís not going to stop the political freak from constantly quoting Ron Paulís latest book about the trade deficit whenever thereís a two-second lull in the conversation. It doesnít matter that your eyes glaze over like a ham when he starts spouting endless facts about civic policy and the economies of risk-management, he will not stop trying to get you to agree to a political stance that you have never heard of or couldnít possibly care less about.

Typical Conversation:


You: Man, I canít believe the holidays are already here.

Political Relative:
You know what I canít believe? I canít believe that the S&P needs to increase by 33% just to get back to even over the next 12 months. And you know what else I canít believe? The fact that Bernanke and Paulson have destroyed America as you and I know it. Theyíre the ďexpertsĒ? Really? If they were so smart, then why didnít they see this coming? Now weíre supposed to feel comfortable with these crooks in charge? Yes sir, you can kiss your nation goodbye forever.

You:
Yeah, uhhh, time sure does fly.

Political Relative:
And you know what wonít fly anymore pretty soon? Our bankrupt airlines. If you think Uncle Sam is going to keep bailing those mismanaged disasters forever you can think again.

You: I just want to eat some turkey.


2. THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT
We should all have some respect for our elders, but trying to have a conversation with your 96-year-old great grandmother is like talking to a junkie who just shot up. Thereís a lot of mumbling and nodding off and when there is some conversation, itís mostly just a series of repetitive stories from your childhood.

Typical Conversation:

You: Hey Grandma. Can I get you some stuffing? Are you thirsty?

Great Grandma: ÖzzzzÖwho? You remember when you used to come and visit us and you had such a good time? I remember that.

You: Yeah, that was fun.

Great Grandma:
Remember when you used to come andÖvisit us in the summers? We had so much fun during those summersÖzzzzzÖ.hi! What grade are you in now?

You: Iím 33 and divorced, Grandma. Iím not in school anymore.

Great Grandma: Such a big boy! Look at you! I bet you study hard and get good marks. Are you going to come visit us this summerÖ

1. THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC

We get it. You donít drink anymore. But we donít need updates every five minutes that you ďhavenít touched the stuff in six years, 48 days and 15 hours.Ē And you know what? Iím not an alcoholic. Just because one sip of booze would turn you into a raging alcohol monster who would drain the liquor cabinet and then start chugging Aqua Velva doesnít mean the rest of the world canít have a glass of wine. But the worst part about this guy is that he has absolutely nothing else to talk about.

Typical Conversation:
You: This turkey is delicious!

Recovering Alcoholic: Back when I was drinking, the only turkey I would have during the holidays was a bottle of Wild Turkey. And I would drink the whole thing by myself. I was so bad, back then. So bad.

You: Well, itís great that you stopped.

Recovering Alcoholic:
Whiskey, vodka, beer, sake, wine, rum, grain alcohol, bourbon, gin, you name it, Iíve drank it. But itís been six years since a drop has passed these lips. Six loooooong years. Itís been great, but a day doesnít go by when Iím not thinking about booze. Itís the first thing I think about when I wake up and itís the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I love booze. Thatís why I had to give it up.

You: WellÖgood for you. So, how are your kids doing?

Recovering Alcoholic:
Itís the hardest thing Iíve ever done. I used to drink so much. Then I hit rock bottom and gave it up all together. I knew if I didnít I wouldnít be here today. But I used to love drinking. It was my life. You should probably quit drinking, too. I used to be like you, a glass of wine here and there and then all of a sudden I was stealing from my daughter's piggy bank just to go get a bottle of rot gut. Thatís how it always happens.

[link to www.holytaco.com]
Those without swords may still die upon them.

No one man can do everything, but each one can do something.
hardboiledheretic

User ID: 559251
United States
11/26/2008 11:48 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
OMG that's hilarious OP!

LOL


h
Canadian Vagabond

User ID: 559823
Canada
11/26/2008 11:52 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
applause2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 558651
United States
11/26/2008 11:53 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 558651
United States
11/26/2008 11:57 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 558651


Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.

bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 559957
United States
11/27/2008 12:01 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Why not stay home alone. like me:)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 558651
United States
11/27/2008 12:05 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Why not stay home alone. like me:)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 559957


So much the better. I most certainly do. At which point, I readily engage in a host varying intellectual pursuits; ranging from attempting to construct a transdermal-bio-electric transducer for "zapping" parasites, to examining at length the coming ET facade/farce/ruse and deceit.

Lastly, political subterfuge is gaining a grip on this geographical location.

My goodness...


Such a shame - my goodness...
hardboiledheretic

User ID: 559251
United States
11/27/2008 12:07 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
bump

For humor - late thread
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 550794
United States
11/27/2008 12:17 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
We don't do traditional thanksgiving stuff either anymore.

We would rather travel and take advantage of the 4 day

holiday for some real quality time with just our kids. We

can see the rest family anytime of the year. More of our

friends/family are doing the same thing now too....

God Bless Everyone
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 558651
United States
11/27/2008 01:38 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
We don't do traditional thanksgiving stuff either anymore.

We would rather travel and take advantage of the 4 day

holiday for some real quality time with just our kids. We

can see the rest family anytime of the year. More of our

friends/family are doing the same thing now too....

God Bless Everyone
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 550794

shocked
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 559929
United States
11/27/2008 01:46 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
That's hilarious!

Fortunately for us, our family gets along and we have a lot of grace for each other...not many issues come up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 559260
United States
11/27/2008 01:50 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
we dont have issues, we're your typical 'everyone is the black sheep' family...we have this other rich, hollywood side to our family, but my side is the down to earth funny type, and we just sit around and laugh at each other, drink and nap.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 554039
United States
11/27/2008 01:52 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
#8. The Family Scandal

The person who is running a bit late is at a disadvantage - as all the early birds have been sitting and yapping about them behind their back.

Then, when the person does show up, the backtalkers are all gooey smiles and hugs.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 560121
United States
11/27/2008 01:54 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
I have sisters with kids and a grouchy older brother that hates kids .My sister and my brother got into it one year because he he thought the kids were too loud so he started ordering one on my sisters to get them quiet.He is a jerk.In fact both my older brothers are jerks.I am nothing like them.I think my parents brought the wrong kid home from the hospital.i am not sure but i think it was a holiday when my brother attacked me..They are both bullies.he got right in my face so i went to take my glasses off so they would not get broke .As soo as i turned my head toward the table I placed them on he jumped me.My brothers are also cowards.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 541309
United States
11/27/2008 01:54 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
LOL.....I am TOTALLY Number 3.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 550794
United States
11/27/2008 01:57 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
shocked
taunter
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 545322
United States
11/27/2008 02:03 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
*Number 3*
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 557722
United States
11/27/2008 02:19 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
5a
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 521654
United States
11/27/2008 02:43 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
This is hilarious!

A few more types:
Sister's know-it-all boyfriend
The sister you know is intelligent, but can't tie her own shoelace when she's with the know-it-all boyfriend
The embarrasing family member who has been unemployed for two years
The parent who tells obnoxious racist jokes
The ex-brother in law who still shows up for dinner even though no one can stand him
The divorced sibling who high jacks every conversation to bitch about his/her ex
The co-dependent overly helpful mom, who tries to "help" with everything. Help is a code word for you are incompetent and I know how to do everything better
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 482701
United States
11/27/2008 03:07 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
I would add:

The just back deer hunter. Around these parts, the end of deer hunting season coincides with Thanksgiving weekend.

You: Get yer deer?

Him: Interminable story describing every minute detail of the entire hunt from the drive out to the hunting area, the night before opener drinking binge, the hungover stumble out to the dear stand, etc. etc. etc., the unique circumstances of the kill, track, field dress, the herculean labors getting the carcass back to the vehicle, where the deer is being processed, which taxidermist is doing the cape mount and how he went about finding this particular awesome taxidermist, exactly how much of the meat is going into sausage, burger, chops, steaks, roasts.

You: Man, you are awesome!

The Packer Fan:

You: What do you think about the election?

Packer Fan: We'll have to see how he does in the "Red Zone". And speaking of the red zone, the Packers would be in it a lot more if Favre hadn't betrayed us.

You: I wonder if we are going to get nationalized health care?

Packer fan: Yeah, if only we could get our offensive line healthy, no one in the NFC central would be able to stop us.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 489843
United States
11/27/2008 03:16 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
#8. The Family Scandal

The person who is running a bit late is at a disadvantage - as all the early birds have been sitting and yapping about them behind their back.

Then, when the person does show up, the backtalkers are all gooey smiles and hugs.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 554039



lol... I'm that person. I can tell because when I walk in everyone gets really quiet, then there's nervous, forced conversation.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 521654
United States
11/27/2008 03:29 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Well I hope you didn't agree to bring the appetizers.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 477332
United States
11/27/2008 03:42 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
You nailed it OP. Very good. These are reasons to stay home by yourself or with immediate family only.

I do wonder what my extended family in Wasilla, Alaska are going to talk about tomorrow. Hmmmm? Sarah? I can only imagine how that conversation is going to go and am VERY THANKFUL I will not be there to listen to it!
walking the path

User ID: 531407
United States
11/27/2008 08:21 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
I have to admit, I am number 3.

My boyfriend is a number 3 but with an exponent.

I doubt we will be invited again next year to the daughter's boyfriend's parents house. Lol.
IllumiNaughty

User ID: 553774
United States
11/27/2008 09:04 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Most of my family is a combo of #7 and #3 with a bit of #5 thrown in for good measure.

And the relatives are Mormon, so there isn't even any booze to numb the pain.
The Orignal.
Please don't request stalking. I'm just not that into you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 559043
United States
11/27/2008 09:13 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
suicide so true lol. im gonna be the non recovering ALCOHOLIC
today. the only way to get through lol.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 559585
United States
11/27/2008 09:22 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
It's a safe bet that most of the posters here are a combination of 3 and 8.


This thread is really funny. Keep the nightmare Turkey Day stories coming.
Hanfeitzu  (OP)

User ID: 503964
United States
11/27/2008 11:15 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner

THE AC WHO QUOTES THEMSELVES BECAUSE NOBODY CARES TO RESPOND TO THEIR FIRST POST.


This is the guy that that thinks really hard about their post, and probably consults a dictionary or thesaurus in the hopes that they will be noticed and quoted by the other GLP members. When they don't get the attention they were hoping for, they quote themselves as if seeing something twice in a row makes it more relevant.

Typical conversation:

GLP poster: Something funny, profound or otherwise interesting.

AC:
Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 558651


GLP:No response.

AC:
Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.


Where does the altruistic intellectual fit into your hierarchy of "small talk and social discourse." Of which, I share a particular discomfort for.

bump
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 558651








...ok AC I'm kidding, you know I love you.


bump for Turkey Day
Those without swords may still die upon them.

No one man can do everything, but each one can do something.
Turtles Know
User ID: 560375
United States
11/27/2008 11:27 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Excellent! laugh
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 466070
United States
11/27/2008 11:38 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
Hahaha...The new bf part is great. That is my sister. Everyone is always confusing her new boyfriends with past boyfriends.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 560367
United States
11/27/2008 11:42 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
popcorn





GLP