tell me about pathological liars, please

I swear you post sounds as if I wrote it word for word. I just ended a year long relationship with a compulsive lier.

I am trained in advance interview techniques with advanced knowledge of body language so after the first lie and I caught her. I started using the techniques to determine when she was lying. The key to appropriate application of the techniques is developing baseline readings where you know the subject is being untruthful and apply those responses to the times you are uncertain of the individuals truthfulness.

Once I ended the relationship I was told by several mutual friends that had known her from the time she was a small child that she had always lied.

When she lied compulsively it was also without any remorse whatsoever. In her mind lies are justified and even more so if self preservation was a factor, i.e., cheating, lying about locations and the such.

Oddly she was a very honest employee who would never steal from the company she worked, for this reason this trait should not be considered a sign of honesty.

I dont believe your x is the type to stop lying and as difficult as it may be let her go and be glad you ridded yourself from a person that is likely to always be a lier.

I can tell you exactly what to tell her !!!

LIES.....Nothing but LIES :)

Oh yes, I was really afraid my daughter would remain a paqthological liar all her life. And she may very well still lie to me. But she married young. To a man that enabled her to have a very responsible and conventional exterior to the world. They would be the perfect American Dream family.

When she was growing up, she was such an adept pathological liar that she scared my self professed psychopathic boyfriend into telling me I needed to get her psychological help or she would be lost in that state forever.

The people in my life that I have known who had this condition of pathological lying I would also say wre pretty much black hole people. Lies and reality are not different to those that have what is almost a type of color blinded view of those things. But anyway there is obviously many things to explore in the differences and continuim of truth.

What is always apparent around them is the fact that lies and truth are not equal and interchangeable and their undoing themselves again and again is apparent. Confirs some type of fascination with the opposite sex, that is very unfortunate as then two lives get to get ruined --- or more --- these folks love a crowd. And then the soapopera was born.

I love you knight in shining armour types. You probably can't help her. Your life will be much simplier if you leave that one alone.

You sound as though you have already made up your mind.

i'll admit to wanting to be good at everything
but i know that i'm not
in the same way i'll admit to wanting to be a knight in shining armour for anyone that needed one
but i'm not that either
i did try to be that for this woman
and it was futile and pathetic
and yes i have made my mind up
not with her anymore
and don't plan to be
but that doesn't mean i can't wish her well
and help her if it's possible

this thread is also for my education as i try to figure out what just happened to a year of my life, i want to be able to recognize and protect myself a little better next time i run into this problem

sts - all they care about is themselves

don't feel so alone, psychos make sex slaves. Remember, they make you obsessed with them, because the fake, contrived stuff registers as somehow better than the predictable authentic real stuff. They are forever elusive. Well, that is because they are not bonded to you or anybody else, but they know how to manipulate you to extract what their narcicistic supply requires from you, many become exceedingly cruel with the mind games. But, hey they don't care.

I work with two pathological liars. One guy seems to suffer from a mild form of schizophrenia, and the other guy is an out cast so to speak. Both guys are extremly difficult to work with due to the fact that you never know when they are lying or telling the truth. Lying seems to be their truth.

It gives them shorterm advantage. It is corner cutting edge...

The thing is, they believe that whatever they say CREATES reality. Doesn't matter if what they say today is totally contradictory to what they said yesterday, that is of no importance whatsoever . . .

The problem is, it may create their reality but they don't recognize it doesn't create anyone else's. But it's very difficult to deal with their obstreporousness.

And it's totally possible to be an honest employee or etc. yet also be a compulsive liar about personal stuff. I think it is the self-preservation thing.

A large part of it revolves around narcissistic behavior.

They will lie to try and "out do" you, which makes them feel like the bigger/better person.
They may lie because they don't value honesty.
They may lie/exaggerate to bring more attention to themselves.

Many reasons...

Things I have noticed over the years about those that lie continually.

It seems to stem, at least internally, from a feeling that they need to protect themselves from harm.

Most people that lie compulsively believe they are far smarter than average and that their ability to lie is a sign of this, rather than a moral or ethical dilemma.

When caught in an obvious lie, they will respond with another lie, instead of by just admitting the original falsehood.

They tend to see lying as a source of control over others, a form of power and truth telling as limited and weakening to them.

D.

We lie because we feel nobody cares to take time to ask us the truth.

We are outcasts because you see us that way.

We wont steal from work because of risk vs reward (remember self preservation)

Pathological Liars usually have deep-rooted unresolved childhood issues such as neglect & or abuse.. it's good that you care for this woman so much but don't hold your breathe for any kind of meaningful relationship just yet.

Encourage her to see a therapist & you might benefit from sitting in on a couple of sessions yourself.. in order to help yourself better understand what it is your dealing with.

Good-Luck..

They are utilizing appeals based on ancient psychological needs. They are predators. That is all they are doing is being predatory. Short term stim.

The thing that is so apparent is there are two species. And one is very hive about their challeges by way of pathological lying.

With their constellation of symptoms which includes a truly perverse need to conquest, you will understand that they are forever "The Strangers"

I totally, absolutely agree with this post. Narcisism seems to be the underlying trait in both of the guys that I work with.

I've also noticed that both lay out of work more than average and both usually have extravagant stories for doing so. Seemingly to lead back to your narcisism theory. It allows them to bring drama into their lives in hopes of sympathy from others.

They get off on lying to other people. Actually start to believe their own stories after a while, even if you confront them with "the truth". I think for some folks it just becomes a habit and they lie for no good reason other than making themselves look good or some sort of avoidance of something.

There are two kinds. With one kind-it is a memory problem, or maybe even organic in the brain. (like alcoholic dementia). They just fabricate because they can't remember or have trained their brain to lie instead-of use the memory.

The second kind-of pathological/compulsive liar indeed starts in childhood, and I know why. you know that gay guy from American Idol who just adopted a baby? He was right when he said that he was going to tell his child "the truth"--(about being gay, adopted-test-tube/whatever), because he didn't want the child to lie.
That's how it starts. When a child has family secrets, and feels like they have to lie to the world outside of his/ or her family, they develop the habit.


Staying with a partner like this just makes you a victim in my opinion. The liar never stops, they say they will, but that is also a lie.