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Andrew Jackson...Badass President, or Badass cyborg from the future?

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User ID: 655074
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04/12/2009 11:27 PM
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Andrew Jackson...Badass President, or Badass cyborg from the future?
This guy would also head the list of biggest jackasses in US history. Yet, after he left office, it seemed like every Presidential candidate — including Tyler and Polk — wanted to be like Ol’ Hickory. Why is that? There are two incidents that cement Andy as the most Badass President Of All Time.

The first, from encarta.com:

Jackson’s hot temper involved him in a number of feuds and duels. Many of them were caused by remarks made about his marriage. The duel with Charles Dickinson in 1806 stands out as an example of Jackson’s characteristic refusal even to acknowledge the possibility of defeat. Jackson let his opponent fire first, because Dickinson was a faster and better shot. Allowing himself time to take deliberate aim, Jackson planned to kill his man with a single bullet, even “if he had shot me through the brain.” Thus, Jackson took a bullet in the chest and, without flinching, calmly killed his man.

You read that right: A-Jackz let a man shoot him first, right in the chest, then killed him afterwards. Hard-effin’-core.

But now you’re saying to yourself: “Dammit all, Dowhat, any military guy would be able to take a nice chest shot. Surely that rotten old apple couldn’t possibly keep it up when he was old and President of the United States” This brings up incident number two, brought to you by the Smithsonian’s Natural Museum of American History:

On January 30, 1835, President Andrew Jackson attended a congressional funeral in the Capitol building. As he exited, Richard Lawrence, an unemployed house painter, pointed a pistol at Jackson and fired. The percussion cap exploded, but the bullet did not discharge. The enraged Jackson raised his cane to throttle his attacker, who fired again. The second weapon also misfired and the sixty-seven-year-old president escaped unharmed.

So, let’s see: Andrew Jackson becomes target of the first ever assassination attempt. Nowadays, Secret Service agents would whisk the Prez away. But that’s not the Andrew Jackson way. A-Jackz, an old man in his late 60’s, went after his assailant with his cane.

(Richard Lawrence, the would-be assassin, got off on an insanity plea. But you gotta suspect the real reason he got off lightly was because everyone in Washington, at some point, must’ve contemplated putting a bullet through Andrew Jackson. But no one had the guts to face Andy’s Mighty Pimp Cane.)

So how was A-Jackz able to pull this off? Was he made of hickory, like his nickname implies? Was it plain old American toughness? Probably. But I like to think that Andrew Jackson may have been a cyborg from the far future, sent back in time to abolish the National Bank. Be afraid.
I never lie to any man because I don't fear anyone. The only time you lie is when you are afraid.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 653705
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04/13/2009 12:02 AM
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Re: Andrew Jackson...Badass President, or Badass cyborg from the future?
applause Ol' Hickory My #1 choice as president and as a man of honor.
Benevolent Cannibal™

User ID: 655822
04/13/2009 12:05 AM
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Re: Andrew Jackson...Badass President, or Badass cyborg from the future?
Definitely a cyborg