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News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

 
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04/04/2005 12:59 AM
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News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

What if the ´Rapture´ happened but you were left behind? That´s what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month. Among the startled ´still here´: House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, just one of the political leaders who had expected to be making the trek skyward.

From Capitol Hill to Kansas, finger pointing and questioning: ´why are we still here?´

By Deanna Swift

WASHINGTON, DC--When House Majority Leader Tom DeLay delivered a moving speech from the halls of Congress last week, in which he argued that his political enemies are persecuting him because of his religious faith, there was just one problem: he wasn´t supposed to be there. Earlier this month, say observers, the ´Rapture,´ the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, finally happened.

But instead of Mr. DeLay and millions of other believers making the skyward trek, the biblical bash appears to have been an exclusive, invitation-only affair. As of today, fewer than three dozen Christians are confirmed to have been ´raptured,´ leaving their rejected brethren to deal with seven years of Tribulation, a turbulent period marked by the return of the anti-Christ.

For those who had hoped to be cashing in on their heavenly rewards, these are days of soul searching and regret. From Capitol Hill to the mega-churches of the south, disappointed travelers are asking the same questions: ´Why not me?´ ´What did I do wrong?´ and ´Was it something I said?´

The lucky few
David Dumé, originally of Spring Hill, KS, appears to be among the lucky few who are currently enjoying the company of the world´s most famous father. Mr. Dumé, who had recently returned to Kansas from Hollywood, where he enjoyed a short but lucrative career in adult-themed films, was expected to attend a potluck supper and informal prayer session at the Spring Hill Baptist Church—but disappeared from site just minutes after reaching the building.

Stunned onlookers say that they watched aghast as Mr. Dumé "flew up through the ceiling," leaving a pile of clothing, gold jewelry, an outsized diamond-covered crucifix, and several piercings and chains behind. Experts say that the fact that Mr. Dumé and others cast off such earthly accoutrements is another sure sign that they were indeed raptured.

And the not-so-lucky
The pastor of the church, Roy DeLong, who is also an active supporter of conservative political causes including a constitutional ban on gay marriage and private Social Security accounts, says that he is personally shocked that Mr. Dumé was chosen to make the trip, while he and so many other more faithful believers remain behind. "He was not even a regular presence around here, that´s what´s so startling. I don´t want to say that mistakes were made, but you really have to wonder about the selection process here," says Pastor DeLong.

DeLong, who also heads up the Baptist Leadership Council, will join other prominent Christian leaders, including the Reverends Tim Lahaye, James Dobson and Franklin Graham, for an emergency meeting later this week. "At this point, we´re concluding that this was probably a practice round before the real deal," says Pastor DeLong. "That´s the only way this makes any sense. He left behind all of the wrong people. Why would He do that?"

The right—left behind
Meanwhile, no one appears to have made the trip upwards from Capitol Hill. Beltway observers had speculated that dozens of high-profile leaders, including President Bush and Representative DeLay, would be raptured, possibly setting off a complex battle over succession within the halls of power.

So certain were these men that their earthly tenure was coming to an end, say sources, that they scheduled a lengthy break over the Easter weekend. While Stewart Roy, a spokesman for Mr. DeLay, refused to acknowledge that the House Majority Leader has indeed been left behind, he did confirm that the Texas representative is taking some much-needed time off. "Let´s just say that there are some unexpected openings in his schedule. I´m not going to say anything more than that."
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
alien03
Dino1
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
bsflag

The article is quite funny in the way you edited it.

There is no rapture though. If God´s judgement is coming we´re all going to experience it.
star gazer
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
lmao
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
this is funny...
flying away on a wing and a prayer!!muaha
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
not edited at all cry
Deacon Blue
12/08/2005 10:06 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
My gut feeling is that, when and if there is a rapture, anyone so smuggly self-righteous as to believe that they will be "raptured" will be disqualified by their own conceit!
Anonymous Coward
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05/30/2016 05:24 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
note to op
User ID: 72179038
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05/30/2016 05:49 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
note to op

can you post the date of the article

i think its true

rapture in spanish is rapto meaning abduction

i believe that cern is the resurection of the dead

and the rapture of the living is past

based on scripture i dont want to argue about

please post the date of the story
Anonymous Coward
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05/30/2016 05:54 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
conciet
yes good reply



jesus likes sinners who know he is creator
over righteousness and conciet


keeping it real .....


great story


the date would be important cause
it says last month but not which month
Anonymous Coward
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05/30/2016 06:18 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
bump
Anonymous Coward
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05/30/2016 06:18 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
bump
Anonymous Coward
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05/30/2016 07:45 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
1ST TRUE CHRISTIANS LEFT THE CHURCHES
2ND THEY LOVE
3RD ABDUCTIONS/RAPTURES REACH PEAK IN THE 60S
4TH IT WONT HAPPEN IF IT ALREADY DID
Just Trina

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05/30/2016 08:01 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

What if the ´Rapture´ happened but you were left behind? That´s what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month. Among the startled ´still here´: House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, just one of the political leaders who had expected to be making the trek skyward.

From Capitol Hill to Kansas, finger pointing and questioning: ´why are we still here?´

By Deanna Swift

WASHINGTON, DC--When House Majority Leader Tom DeLay delivered a moving speech from the halls of Congress last week, in which he argued that his political enemies are persecuting him because of his religious faith, there was just one problem: he wasn´t supposed to be there. Earlier this month, say observers, the ´Rapture,´ the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, finally happened.

But instead of Mr. DeLay and millions of other believers making the skyward trek, the biblical bash appears to have been an exclusive, invitation-only affair. As of today, fewer than three dozen Christians are confirmed to have been ´raptured,´ leaving their rejected brethren to deal with seven years of Tribulation, a turbulent period marked by the return of the anti-Christ.

For those who had hoped to be cashing in on their heavenly rewards, these are days of soul searching and regret. From Capitol Hill to the mega-churches of the south, disappointed travelers are asking the same questions: ´Why not me?´ ´What did I do wrong?´ and ´Was it something I said?´

The lucky few
David Dumé, originally of Spring Hill, KS, appears to be among the lucky few who are currently enjoying the company of the world´s most famous father. Mr. Dumé, who had recently returned to Kansas from Hollywood, where he enjoyed a short but lucrative career in adult-themed films, was expected to attend a potluck supper and informal prayer session at the Spring Hill Baptist Church—but disappeared from site just minutes after reaching the building.

Stunned onlookers say that they watched aghast as Mr. Dumé "flew up through the ceiling," leaving a pile of clothing, gold jewelry, an outsized diamond-covered crucifix, and several piercings and chains behind. Experts say that the fact that Mr. Dumé and others cast off such earthly accoutrements is another sure sign that they were indeed raptured.

And the not-so-lucky
The pastor of the church, Roy DeLong, who is also an active supporter of conservative political causes including a constitutional ban on gay marriage and private Social Security accounts, says that he is personally shocked that Mr. Dumé was chosen to make the trip, while he and so many other more faithful believers remain behind. "He was not even a regular presence around here, that´s what´s so startling. I don´t want to say that mistakes were made, but you really have to wonder about the selection process here," says Pastor DeLong.

DeLong, who also heads up the Baptist Leadership Council, will join other prominent Christian leaders, including the Reverends Tim Lahaye, James Dobson and Franklin Graham, for an emergency meeting later this week. "At this point, we´re concluding that this was probably a practice round before the real deal," says Pastor DeLong. "That´s the only way this makes any sense. He left behind all of the wrong people. Why would He do that?"

The right—left behind
Meanwhile, no one appears to have made the trip upwards from Capitol Hill. Beltway observers had speculated that dozens of high-profile leaders, including President Bush and Representative DeLay, would be raptured, possibly setting off a complex battle over succession within the halls of power.

So certain were these men that their earthly tenure was coming to an end, say sources, that they scheduled a lengthy break over the Easter weekend. While Stewart Roy, a spokesman for Mr. DeLay, refused to acknowledge that the House Majority Leader has indeed been left behind, he did confirm that the Texas representative is taking some much-needed time off. "Let´s just say that there are some unexpected openings in his schedule. I´m not going to say anything more than that."
 Quoting: --- 0


Then these so called " christians" are blind idiots that had dig deeper in God's word AND had better get an actual prayer life!!

When the REAL RAPTURE happens you are going to see amazing destruction , planes falling out of the skies when their pilots disappear, trains crashing, cars crashing all over the place, huge networks of computer systems crashing and going down, food production stopping, semi's crashing.

Do people even comprehend the level of Christians disappearing from their vehicles during shop traffic or not showing up for work at all , all over the world?!!!

These so called christians are in name only. When Jesus returns , the bible says EVERY EYE shall see him and EVERY tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

He is only coming for those who are looking for his coming, daily now.
5on06od
User ID: 72179038
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05/31/2016 01:01 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
0h no
when geezuz returns all the mountains madee flat
like the red sea, constellations will part
stars will shower earth as mushroom clouds fill the skies
the moon shattered into pieces in a bright firery flash
every continent displaced in a galactic scale quake
the sun will turn black to enhace view of the sky
as celestial beings leave earth learning to fly
heart-attacks in the billions as the wicked will faint
souls crashing downwards crying out to the saints
satan laughing loudly because mealtime has come
a voice out of heaven that says IT IS DONE
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/31/2016 10:10 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
bump-oldthreads
"exzAzxe"

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05/31/2016 10:26 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

"exzAzxe"
earthman
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05/31/2016 10:42 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
There will be no rapture; what's going on is alien abductions.
Anonymous Coward
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05/31/2016 10:42 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
The false zionist rapture that misleads christians will be the 144,000 zionist khazar global elites that will go hide in bunkers and then destroy the world (and us) with fire from the sky (nukes).

Every country except for Israel (and countries that pose no military threat to Israel) will be destroyed with nuclear weapons, including America.

This is how the 'chosen' will fulfil the NWO goals of their wicked Talmud.
Anonymous Coward
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05/31/2016 10:46 AM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
stupid azz fools
Jesus DOES NOT KNOW MAY OF THESE FOOLS !
Anonymous Coward
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05/31/2016 02:59 PM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
bump
Anonymous Coward
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06/04/2016 09:46 PM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
rapto = abduction (spanish)
raptor = reptile
rapture = abduction

see the phoetic etymology

all legends from bible to sumerian to nordic
egypt ... a looong list
tell of reptiles from space
these raptors steal or abduct humans
harvested for body parts or genes

satansraptute666 is a website devoted to the subject.

to be raptured means to be alien abducted.

the ones rapturing are the raptors
a reptile race predating humans
and having created humans from genes raptured

all 3 words sound the same for a reason
spoken commu8nication came before texts
and is more connected and accurate running
thru all languages beyond alphabets

the rapture isnt a willing agreed event
it is an abduction much like child abduction
for nefarious purposes.

ppl who want to be raptured are in essence inviting
a form of alien rape.
Anonymous Coward
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06/19/2016 07:46 PM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
0h no
when geezuz returns all the mountains madee flat
like the red sea, constellations will part
stars will shower earth as mushroom clouds fill the skies
the moon shattered into pieces in a bright firery flash
every continent displaced in a galactic scale quake
the sun will turn black to enhace view of the sky
as celestial beings leave earth learning to fly
heart-attacks in the billions as the wicked will faint
souls crashing downwards crying out to the saints
satan laughing loudly because mealtime has come
a voice out of heaven that says IT IS DONE
 Quoting: 5on06od 72179038


Charles Manson not raptured ?

I'm losing faith!
Anonymous Coward
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06/19/2016 07:47 PM
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Re: News that the ´Rapture´ Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians
I bet it would!





GLP