Do you have Guts or Balls?

I have a "Big Belly" and I don't mean fat.

Thanks Chawlee, I'm straight with everything now....Note to self, Guts & Balls are bad mmkay.

Both sounds like a good way to end up with your balls in your gut.....

LOL

Friend of mine e mailed that to me a long time ago, but it's still funny

Made me aware,I have neither.

That's a keeper

I just recieved it the first time,this morn.

Glad people keep circulating the old ones. It's funny.

I've gotten this one several times over the last year or so,only the wording was changed a little to bring it up to date:

Sometime this year,
we taxpayers may again receive
another 'Economic Stimulus' payment
now called the
Job Developement Program.


This is indeed a very exciting program,
and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
_________

Below is some helpful advice on
how to best help the U.S. economy
by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan, or China.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, and Chile.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.



Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer, or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !
____________

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF . . ."

1. You refine heroin for a living,
but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun
and $5,000 rocket launcher,
but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand,
but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles:
bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone
you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous,
but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones
have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and
think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush
on your neighbor's goat.

11. Your cousin is
president of the United States!
_______________________________

I have OVARIES.

ROFL...sounds like a death-wish to me!

I have the best of the best.....ovaries!

Will this remain the same after the EQ?

You're next chubby!

Only in America!

Ummm, I guess a woman's answer to the survey would be,

"I'd rather have the husband with Balls than the husband with Guts, Chawlee."

Do I have room to eat both of those irritating types of men.
I think I have gut room.

gutsy balls