My girlfriend is sittin on the couch eatin nuts ---Ass me a question?

Ask her to eat your nuts

there is no question that is exactly what i would do right now, if i was in your situation

Is she drinking or smoking anything?

She didn't brush her teeth yet

tea bagger like palin?

coo-ool!!!

are they salted?

Drinking no

Smoking no

and your nuts have?

Don't think so

Some short stubble

So.. what does bad breath have to do with brushing teeth? lol.. your nuts wont care..

Ask her would she rather work as a liquidator working at Fukushima or have an extended alien probe in the azz?

That's where Nikki has been.

when you say gf, you actually mean 'mother'...amiright?!

No I guess your right

Wrong

Unlike most GLP I don't live with my mother

Thats because i live with her!

Tell her to get off the couch and make you some pie! I hate when these women lay around like couch sloths all day. Tell her to mow the lawn while she's at it too or no Springer for her! And tell her to use her vagisil everyday...ev..ry...day!

ask her to stick both thumbs up yourt butt.

Could there be a possibility that she is allergic to nuts and bringing a potentially selfish crisis upon your evening?

See what you did there.