I'm a stay at home mom who sometimes feels overwhelmed and therefore some days doesn't do much in a day, but when I do accomplish things and feel good about my day, my husband complains that day and accuses me of sitting around all day. It is like I can't win.

So now you know my situation, I'll perhaps say something that may be of help to you, as I am from the stay at home's point of view.

First, it is a fine line between you being the husband and acting like a father. And if she had a mean or abusive father, she will resent anything you tell her to do and will sabotage what you want. So you have to be really careful how you approach her about this.

She can't be awake in the day to clean if she is up at night. And I have a tendency to be up at night to play--it feels like "free time" but of course it isn't. So tell her that you want the family to have a bedtime "lights out" that is house-wide--no exceptions. Make it where you will get your 8 hrs sleep and then wake up the same time every day.

Secondly, DO NOT complain when you see she's done more in a day, even if it isn't "adequate." She will then feel that what she does isn't worth it if you are just going to complain. Thank her for anything you see that she's done that day. (positive reinforcement.)

When you can help organize the house so everything has a place, help get everything caught up so she doesn't feel overwhelmed if that is a problem.

I feel like I have to do everything before everyone gets home. It is not enough time to exercise, run errands, clean, etc. If I wasn't judged regarding what I do during that time, I wouldn't feel the stress I do which then results in feeling futile and then crashing and doing nothing. Tell her that you want her to exercise first--that if she doesn't get to do everything while you are at work you want her to put her health first. If she does exercise, she will feel good and will have more energy to do other stuff. Then even if she has to continue cleaning after you come home that should ease some pressure off of her, perhaps.

We are creatures of habit. Obviously, she has gotten into some bad habits (bad sleep schedule, bad time organization, inability to accomplish what needs to be done.) At the beginning, when you are home (of course you need some rest time, but after that any time you have free) instigate some chores you can do together. Get her used to labor again. Once she gets moving she keep busy. (A body in motion tends to stay in motion....)