BREAKING - Joue Biden/Paul Ryan Debate Rules Just Released!

The rules are very clear, and no deviation from them is allowed, unless you are a Democrat:

-All economic data used must be from the DailyKOS website.

-Winner to be pre-determined by MediaMatters/MSNBC/NBC News Staffers.

-Moderators are forbidden from asking any question about money, economy, or jobs.

-Ryan has to explain Fisher's equation of the Quantity Theory of Money while Biden doodles w/o shitting his pants.

-Grabbing your crotch and yelling “I got yer math right here” will not be considered a properly formatted response.

-Moderators must start all Ryan's questions with "dog whistles" of racist accusations regardless of his answer.

-Moderators cannot ask Joe Biden a question, unless it is prefaced with" Now tell us How George Bush is responsible for ...."

-All of Congressman Ryan's answers must be in Dr. Seuss rhymes so Biden can understand them

-Audience must all be Dems, and Ryan must answer all questions with Chris Matthews over-talking & interrupting in his ear.

-No Biden question will require spelling or math. Ryan has 2 provide "proofs" of his answers,in writing within the time.

-All questions of Biden must asked in Pig Latin in order that Joe may expound on the fact he's bilingual

-Biden may use his preprogramed answers on iPad provided by moderators. Ryan must wear earplugs w/no electronic devices. The Final Jeopardy music must play before Joe gives his response so he can google for his answer.

-Paul Ryan must explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity while Joe Biden demonstrates how to make bunny shadow puppets

-Biden shall be asked what his favorite puppy is. Ryan will be asked to prove he didn't murder puppies as a child

-Ryan must take a sharp blow to the head before the debate.

-Spontaneous outbursts of Negro Spirituals is permitted, but only by VP Biden & only during Congressman Ryan's answers