"Why won't god come to me when I'm not on drugs, when I'm at my lowest point in life, begging for his presence, wanting his love, wanting to get to know this Jesus that I've heard so much about."

He likely has, you may have been distracted. Remember, he is everything and everyone, including yourself. Sometimes we just try to hard and it makes things more difficult for ourselves to see things clearly. Perhaps take a step back and gain a new perspective. Also drugs tend to cause someone to look inwards, if this where you are blocked, perhaps it's you keeping yourself from him?

Sometimes past mistakes can contribute to this phenomenon. If that's the case you need to forgive yourself for those mistakes, so you don't close yourself off.