Not long ago there was a poster who was having a hard time getting by and someone suggested he find a wealthy woman and (excuse the bluntness) "lick her" like she was a gorgeous woman and marry her and things would be fine. Sorry but his expression.
Point being, men sometimes prey on loving, working, stable women to support them. My first husband lost his job, was on unemployment until they finally paid for his retraining. He studied a new field of work and then still didn't seem to be able to find a job. He got into porn and "kinky" stuff in his spare time. Finally when he was mad at me once he told me he deserved the time off since he had worked hard all his life. Imagine how I felt. I've worked hard all my life too, and he wasn't looking for work. Finally I pushed the envelope and made him get a job. He hated me for that, became resentful and treated me badly. Finally one day he told me he wanted to "date" other women. (His meal ticket revolted)
When I went to a counselor, the counselor advised me, "He says he loves you, but how is he treating you?"
Is it love, OP that you are feeling from him? Is he enriching your life and giving you joy? Does he spend alot of time or any time, thinking about how you feel?
You have alot of years left in your life, is this how you want to spend them? Do you feel his equal or subservient? What are you paying for in this relationship, food, housing, bills? You can pay for alot less without dragging his abusive hunk with you. And, you could begin to spend time enjoying things you like and maybe even find some company that you enjoy more. Forget the guilt, he proves he should be single by the way he wants to spend his time.
Seek out a counselor and get some real advice. Have a better day. You deserve the best. You work hard. You are a great person to have endured all of this in the name of love. My ex married an older woman who "keeps" him and he doesn't work and hasn't for years. Dahhhhhh.