You seem to be forcing yourself into a decision that you are afraid to make. You want to do good and properly attain the life you were expected to have, and live, and yet you feel somewhat dis-satified with your choice because you find no joy in it.

I will not belittle you by saying "been there, done that", just like billions of others in this world. But I do believe it is a sence of priority that you haven't established for yourself because you are afraid of failing, either in your eyes or someone that you think of very highly. But to be honest, it still comes down to a very simple question. "What do you want and can you get it?"

If the answer is no, don't give up, just reschedule your life, and try again later. If the answer is yes, then what is wrong with it to where you are questioning the value of it?

To be honest, who ever told you that life was easy, or without pain and suffering? Who told you that just getting by is good enough? The answer to success is not how much it gives, but by how much did it cost? If it costs you a lifetime of regret, is it really a success? If it cheapens your life by the cost of sacrifice, have you really succeeded?

There is also a few last pieces of advice that I tell my children. Don't take life so seriously, you will never get out of it alive. Don't curse the storm, learn to dance in the rain. When you pin the tail on the donkey, keep a tight hold on the reigns. Never pass up a chance to jump in a puddle, or wish upon a rainbow. "After all, tommorrow is another day."