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| 04:27 AM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,301 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 392,193 | |
| Pageviews Today: 509,486 | Threads Today: 164 | Posts Today: 1,827 |
| 04:27 AM | ||
i need to do this. i don't like my ego part | |
| no name aka n^2 User ID: 56720509  United States04/15/2015 08:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | i need to do this because it's important yesterday and today i real eyes i don't like my ego part i've changed so much and appreciate how i've changed but the part of me i label the 'true essence' can see the ego part and i don't like it i'm like 75% 'true essence' now but there is 25% ego and it's almost like this automatic programmed part 1)trying to control is the biggest most disgusting part of myself i find. 2)there remains part of myself that cares what people think about me. mostly i feel unaffected by stuff but i notice the ego part rearing its ugly head and i want to kill it 3)the anger when i see ego in others like my companion and want to beat it out of him 4)the judgmental part of me that sees everybody as a retard 5)the miser in me that always wants to not spend money. 6)  <<<<this is my least favorite part. no discipline and constantly posting on GLP.7)caring about getting dirty and smelling (i'm homeless) 8)perfectionism - demanding the same standards of everybody around me 9)self centered narcissism like a 2 year old like the world revolves around me 10)selfish fuck that i am 11)messiah complex i'm sure i forgot something i need to do this shaming post to put the ego in its place. this human part of me that remains needs to be subdued in order to finalize this process i'm going through. ----------------------- the problem is i don't want to feed this world. if i give from the heart then i make it real and that's the human part which is about ego. i can see everybody is not real so to treat them as real and give from the heart is laughable. at the same time my selfishness is a part of myself i've always been aware of. when i first met my companion i told him from the getgo 'i'm a selfish fuck just so you know'. i can be abusive with my anger sometimes. he says i'm not abusive but i can be because of my control issues. verbally abusive.  I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE THE ONLY WAY I CAN FINISH THIS IS BY GETTING RID OF THAT PART OF MYSELF I CAN'T STAND THAT PART OF MYSELF the ego is the self-hating and insane part of myself. it's the part that wants me to suffer. the spirituality shit is the punishing part that is obsessed with suffering and poverty the system part is the part that wants security in exchange for control, rules and limitations i don't feel like this world is a fit anymore. i am not interested in homelessness and poverty and i'm no longer interested in controls, rules and limitations this world IS THE EGO INCLUDING THE SPIRITUALITY SHIT people who say they are spiritual are just caught in another web or trap of the ego and they don't real eyes it i reject all beliefs now and i have no interest in this world. i have no interest in the system or being some guy with messiah complex who gives to the homeless i want out i knew i needed to publicly shame the ego part of me i'm sick of it rearing its ugly head it's almost like a program or tape running i mostly feel like my 'true essence' but the ego part remains like a virus |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:14 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 24376125 United States04/15/2015 08:16 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this world you cannot get rid of ego utterly, you got to learn to live with. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24376125 yes. key words you said 'IN THIS WORLD you cannot get rid of ego' but perhaps there is a crossing over once you annihilate the ego? the abyss with Choronzon helping you make the crossing. i don't fear this because i believe it's a blessing to rid myself of ego. that's where i believe i'm headed... this world only exists because of residual ego i'm in this world but not OF this world. i'm walking in 2 worlds to be in this world but not OF this world is difficult at best. |
| Accidental Stoner User ID: 67966692  Finland04/15/2015 08:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:24 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this world you cannot get rid of ego utterly, you got to learn to live with. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24376125 Yup. That is sound advice, it seems to me. Good op from OP, any case. it is sound advice if you want to stay here all you guys would encourage that wouldn't you? because you just represent myself 'projected outwards' understand? it's hard operating in 2 worlds at the same time i've been doing it for 10 years my process has been slow because i have been standing in my own way (BIG FAT EGO) i'm angry with myself for not being disciplined. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:30 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 57231486 United States04/15/2015 08:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | i can ONLY blame myself for where i am currently at Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i am fully responsible for everything and need to have the discipline to finish this process Congratulations. You can't kill it though. Best post/thread I have ever seen by you. People misunderstand ego. It is the ID and the super ego that cause imbalance. Ego is what balances them. When people say you are being egoistic they may be misunderstanding and mean the other 2 in their extremes. Ego is the balance. Do they even teach psych anymore in our public schools? Or is it all now get the circle right on the test so school gets more money? Eating banana genetically modified with vaccine in them is good right class. Good luck k, you are better. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 57231486 United States04/15/2015 08:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68730290 United States04/15/2015 08:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49726653 United States04/15/2015 08:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | i don't feel like a human anymore Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i feel like an alien in this world i don't want to hurt anybody ever Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i just feel trapped in a cage and i want to destroy the cage? there must be a way to fly without destroyed the cage? It is very common for those who go through ego death to not feel human or like an alien. The ego is what ties you to this world. It keeps you stuck here and it will fight tooth and nail to do so. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 57231486 United States04/15/2015 08:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I know you like synchronicity k, tv is talking about not being afraid to speak up, then this song starts playing. So many feel like aliens, we have tried to tell you, we understand to a degree the way you feel. No one wants to be hurt or hurt others. Every human is fighting a huge spiritual battle right now. Within themselves and without themselves in the gloss over chaotic world. Somethings coming and we need to bond not break. [link to youtu.be] |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | i can ONLY blame myself for where i am currently at Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i am fully responsible for everything and need to have the discipline to finish this process Congratulations. You can't kill it though. Best post/thread I have ever seen by you. People misunderstand ego. It is the ID and the super ego that cause imbalance. Ego is what balances them. When people say you are being egoistic they may be misunderstanding and mean the other 2 in their extremes. Ego is the balance. Do they even teach psych anymore in our public schools? Or is it all now get the circle right on the test so school gets more money? Eating banana genetically modified with vaccine in them is good right class. Good luck k, you are better. perhaps. thanks. i've read about crossing the abyss and how CHoronzon helps you rid yourself of ego and the human part to cross over i like the way i am more now but i still don't like that part of me. i don't like being in this body anymore. it's a nuisance. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I don't believe any of us really want to hurt others. We become like animals. Backed into a corner by this world that does feel alien. Does not feel right. You are in a situation by being without regular shelter the world seems even more alien, you don't always have the filter, the saftey net that the housed do. You can overcome it. I know you can. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57231486 yes that's exactly it you feel like a caged animal and you want to lash out i don't really feel like i'm sleeping on concrete. it's like i'm watching this movie and not really here but i see the visuals and hear the auditory i told my friend (and then he gets mad) that i can sleep on concrete or a bed and it doesn't feel that much different except that i can have a toilet and shower nearby plus with homeless you sometimes get police scripting. i don't fear them but it's more the inconvenience of the dumb scripting i really don't feel like i belong here anymore. i care about my friend and it is more bearable with the sensory BUT i'm 75% changed |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 18749851 United States04/15/2015 08:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | if any of you notice things about me that represent ego and flaws please feel free to post them Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i want to expose my ego part Good thing you want to expose it because you've done an excellent job of doing just that. Your post is one long ego screed. I want this, I don't want that, that makes me feel like this, and this makes me feel like that. I, I, I, me, me, me. Love it or hate it, it's ALL about YOU, YOU, YOU. So the question is: who are you? |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | In this world you cannot get rid of ego utterly, you got to learn to live with. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24376125 This is pretty much the conclusion I have come to It is not something you can get rid of entirely so you learn to 'live with your-self. thing is i don't feel like B-ry anymore no matter how many times mister ununited kingdumb or others use my given name i rarely think of the past and when i do it's about the 1970s music and the old historical stuff. i love old buildings etc. i feel like i would have been better suited in the 1700s or something. then i've got this body that has homo identification but i look at homos and don't resonate with the programming. but the body gets turned on by guys and weird lately is i'm more liking guys with woman's breasts but i don't fancy trannies it's like this body is programming to go on automatic pilo. the self i feel now i would label a 'no self' because i feel all spread out and undefineable. who or what am i? that whole 'self thing' and words are the problem. one day it seems like i'm in a 'leave it to beaver' episode listening to lame 'goodie-two-shoes' scripting and the next minute i'm looking at characters that look like circus freaks. i don't know... |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 08:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | i don't feel like a human anymore Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i feel like an alien in this world i don't want to hurt anybody ever Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i just feel trapped in a cage and i want to destroy the cage? there must be a way to fly without destroyed the cage? It is very common for those who go through ego death to not feel human or like an alien. The ego is what ties you to this world. It keeps you stuck here and it will fight tooth and nail to do so. yes you are right the ego is what creates my difficulties it is what took away my housing. it is what created the police physically abusing me. it is the one that created that people made comments about me being homeless. it is the one that wants me to play some dumb spiritual role. i really bought into the spirituality crap but real eyes'd 'God' is the EGO. spirituality is a trick of the EGO the car that ran into my companion was the EGO sending a warning it's really nasty the ego EGO represents those in this world with their fake love and fake caring that will turn on you for a dime 180 degrees and take part in a Holocaust |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 60331222 United States04/15/2015 09:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're facing an age-old problem. The cruel fact is the DESIRE to rid the ego is just another form of ego presenting itself. I understand why you deem everything to be scripted. The true man that you are is disconnected from this world, as am I. I feel it too. I AM is intangible yet seems trapped in a series of events it is subject to. It seems to be watching a deterministic movie driven by exterior events and biological impulses. Is free will real? I don't believe so. When you start to think about it even one's thoughts are the result of some biological process and external stimulation. Still I know there is a true part to man called I AM and I AM is dreaming this experience. I know that I AM is eternal and before anyone can be they must be I AM wether they know it consciously or not. Yet I AM requires ego to know itself. It is infinitely large and cannot experience the facets of its existence otherwise. You have been waking up for a long time which is a good sign. It means in your script you are moving closer to attaining your true man state. Think about it, if you believe there is no free will and yet you have such self-knowledge then the script you are experiencing is taking you towards the fulfillment of that knowledge. You may not be able to controll the process but you and I can see it unfolding clear as day. Allow it to happen. This is not a request for that would involve the illusion of free will. No, you see right now I am planting a seed in your mind. Inception. You have read this message which is an external stimulus to which your mind will automatically respond. It will take your ego to the realization that it is born from above, I AM, just as all things seen and unseen are. Then the ego will identify with its true self while balancing the illusions of separateness and free will it is surrounded by. This knowledge WILL carry you to a better life like it or not. Best of luck. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 09:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I know you like synchronicity k, tv is talking about not being afraid to speak up, then this song starts playing. So many feel like aliens, we have tried to tell you, we understand to a degree the way you feel. No one wants to be hurt or hurt others. Every human is fighting a huge spiritual battle right now. Within themselves and without themselves in the gloss over chaotic world. Somethings coming and we need to bond not break. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57231486 [link to youtu.be] thanks the synchronicity and symbolism though has been a huge trap for the ego with expectations and trying to define the experience. i would have been better off not having given it so much attention. i'm so sick of waiting. i'm exhausted from sleeping rough more in this body. my eyes sting from tiredness. i can barely clean myself now. i have no motivation. i can barely walk anymore |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 32330096 United States04/15/2015 09:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 09:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | another big flaw of mine is I DON'T LISTEN VERY WELL i hate that i talk too much but i get so bored in this world that i could explode i have nothing to do. i don't jerk off anymore. i only have food and drink and sitting on benches or sleeping on concrete there is no way i can get into the system again being the way i am now. the whole idea of IDs is laughable i would never go to homeless shelter or food bank or ask for social assistance. never have. never will everything is so foreign. i just want a space ship to take me away from this shithole |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 57231486 United States04/15/2015 09:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I had a dream 13 years ago about a future time where we lived in the days of orwells big brother. It's come true. We can get through it. I have often considered those of us viewing as if it's a movie have an advantage over the seemingly zombies who roam around us. And weird, just noticed this. Herbert George wells wrote "war of the world's" Orson Welles does broadcast meme false flag radio broadcast of it in 1938 George Orwell writes 1984 published in 1949, written during 1947-48 while suffering tuberculosis. Scripting? ^ |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 57231486 United States04/15/2015 09:09 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 09:16 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | if any of you notice things about me that represent ego and flaws please feel free to post them Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i want to expose my ego part Good thing you want to expose it because you've done an excellent job of doing just that. Your post is one long ego screed. I want this, I don't want that, that makes me feel like this, and this makes me feel like that. I, I, I, me, me, me. Love it or hate it, it's ALL about YOU, YOU, YOU. So the question is: who are you? thanks. my only point of reference is 'I' just the same as you if you are in this world wouldn't it be about 'I' otherwise isn't it pointless being here? when i was a bot i cared about homeless and really really felt bad for them. now i don't care about them because i don't feel sorry for myself anymore. i used to feel empathy and compassion for them because of my own self-pity. now i'm indifferent about them. everybody around me seems like scripted and programmed bots. i tell my companion that black bots are no different than white bots or homeless bots, just different programming honestly i find the bots so extreme now so yes...love it or hate it..it is all about me, me, me i don't know who i am i only can say what i feel most of the time. all spread out and undefineable. if i say my given name it's just like i would say your name. there is no resonance. to call my parents mother or father seems very odd indeed. to call my siblings brother or sister is odd at best. i don't know who or what i am. i just feel like an alien. i can understand all sides also. i feel Neti Neti most of the time. most of time calm and peaceful with no thoughts in the head. i would way i'm a spread out blob. that's what it feels like. i like the sensory stuff. i like nature. i like food. i like drink. i like sticking my dick in a hole. i used to have a love hate thing for people and love to talk to them. now that's changed. i feel indifferent and i don't like talking 'cause i can see they're scripted the storyline of this world is so lame also. i can't read shit anymore on GLP because i just roll my eyes all the time i'm only interested in doom and disaster if my existence here continues as homelessness and poverty it's boring being homeless. it's fulltime work. at least 3 hours a day walking. sleeping and sitting on benches and chairs. keeping yourself clean is a difficulty. looking for toilets is pain in arse. i miss the magick i had also. that stopped. it relieved my boredom i find the world of bots boring ritualistic death. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 48694342  Australia04/15/2015 09:22 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | if any of you notice things about me that represent ego and flaws please feel free to post them Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56720509 i want to expose my ego part The truly humble are born that way, the rest of us have to work at it, it's never as easy or simple as those who were born without pride, I can only whittle away at mine sometimes. I'm naturally unenvyous though, not everyone gets a standard dose of the seven deadly sins, I may not have humility but at least I don't have envy, maybe you got another one OP. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68933562  Sweden04/15/2015 09:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 1)trying to control is the biggest most disgusting part of myself i find. Quoting: no name aka n^2 56720509 6) <<<<this is my least favorite part. no discipline and constantly posting on GLP.9)self centered narcissism like a 2 year old like the world revolves around me This thread itself is an example of the above points - it's about you trying to control your ego, then deciding to babble on it on GLP because of your rampant narcissism. Having said that, I'll now give you the best piece of advice you'll ever get: Let it all go. Accept your smelly self, just as you are, ego and all. The 25 % essence you feel you are missing isn't about perfection the way you think it is, it's about unconditional love. And the first one you need to learn to love unconditionally, is yourself! If you don't love yourself just as you are, how can you love others just as they are? It's impossible! And that's why it's 100 % counter-productive to try to "improve" yourself in the end. Sure, doing so is a great start, it takes you to the 75 % point you are at now. But it can never take you all the way. Just let go of your judgment of yourself and see yourself as the Creator sees you: as a miracle, a work of perfection. There is nothing about you to criticize, nothing to make amends for. The paradox is, once you give up that judgmental attitude towards yourself, most of your "warts" fall away effortlessly. And the rest turn out to not be warts after all, but essential parts of your glorious self. And that's how you reach the 100 % essence state you seek. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 56720509 United States04/15/2015 09:24 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're facing an age-old problem. The cruel fact is the DESIRE to rid the ego is just another form of ego presenting itself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 60331222 I understand why you deem everything to be scripted. The true man that you are is disconnected from this world, as am I. I feel it too. I AM is intangible yet seems trapped in a series of events it is subject to. It seems to be watching a deterministic movie driven by exterior events and biological impulses. Is free will real? I don't believe so. When you start to think about it even one's thoughts are the result of some biological process and external stimulation. Still I know there is a true part to man called I AM and I AM is dreaming this experience. I know that I AM is eternal and before anyone can be they must be I AM wether they know it consciously or not. Yet I AM requires ego to know itself. It is infinitely large and cannot experience the facets of its existence otherwise. You have been waking up for a long time which is a good sign. It means in your script you are moving closer to attaining your true man state. Think about it, if you believe there is no free will and yet you have such self-knowledge then the script you are experiencing is taking you towards the fulfillment of that knowledge. You may not be able to controll the process but you and I can see it unfolding clear as day. Allow it to happen. This is not a request for that would involve the illusion of free will. No, you see right now I am planting a seed in your mind. Inception. You have read this message which is an external stimulus to which your mind will automatically respond. It will take your ego to the realization that it is born from above, I AM, just as all things seen and unseen are. Then the ego will identify with its true self while balancing the illusions of separateness and free will it is surrounded by. This knowledge WILL carry you to a better life like it or not. Best of luck. good post. but what if you are bored to death of the script? i'm bored beyond belief. call it ego but if you're 'IN THIS WORLD' WOULDN'T THE WHOLE POINT BE TO EXPERIENCE THINGS YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE? i don't see the point otherwise nice for your 'True Self' that is scripting things to experience through me the character but it is NOT subject to the script the same way I AM. it is experiencing through me which is different i would think as the character with no free will i don't see the point in being here the character wants some degree of control otherwise what's the point? if you never get anything you want why would you be in this world? for somebody/something else's experience and not for yourself? it's natural for me to resist because since day 1 we have been fed the lie of free will the part of me that is forced to be here wants to resist. call it ego or whatever I FIND IT NATURAL TO RESIST. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 59431858 United States04/15/2015 09:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 48694342 Australia04/15/2015 09:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
