Help with grief...

I needed to read this post tonite... Thank you for posting op...I'm struggling with it myself

I went through the same watching him go before me and two weeks later I had a murder-suicide in my family, I walked in minutes after it happened.

I also been exposed to other's grief, just search my username(blkoutdrv or blackoutdrive) and you will see what I am talking about.

The only thing I could attest to you is that everyone goes through some sort of grief. I do not know who decides what level or how many times you have to go through it, but it will come.

This will definitely define your views on life; aloof at first due to the bewilderment, and then to acceptance on how this world bizarroly works.

***IMPORTANT*** Do not internalize or hibernate with what you are going through, you need to consort with others constantly.

Meanwhile transmute this emotion to passion. Like the previous poster stated, maybe not now but soon, look for that focus, on something you believe in to be driven by this emotional state you are in, to pursue a greater good for yourself and others.

This is one of those valleys in life where you will see peaks, hills more valleys, to prepare you mentally for the next one, whichever it maybe, to come.

Now get ready, life is waiting for you to get out of the valley and head to the peak, and stay there for a while.

Prayers sent for you, OP May God bless you and ease your pain.

He will let you know he is still around. Be patient.

Have held a few while they passed, I know they didn't go far. X x

I am so sorry for your loss Op. I am a 54 year old man who has a 24 year old daughter that I love with all my existence.

I feel so sad for the suffering you are going through right now and the only advise I can give you is to cry as much as you need to, as often as you need to until the intense grief passes, and believe it or not it will pass with time. Don't lose hope, your father is still with you and will always be with you.

Your father and you were extremely blessed in this world because the love you shared is one of the most precious things in this world.

Your father would want you to recover and go on with your life and to be happy. Be strong Op.

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... do remember your dad ... the good and bad times! ...
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... my dad passed at 52 ... I was 17 ... he married late ...
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... we learned we had to go through a year of living to know life without him ...
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... and other posters have said ... YOU are not responsible for his passing ... that is just the flip side of living ...
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so sorry for your loss
it has been my experience that we hang on to the pain in order to not lose the loved one who passed
know that your Dad wants you to carry on and be happy
you can do that to honor him

The pain one experiences is individual to the self.

You are not selfish, you live in a world full of separation and your father made you feel safe so it is understandable how you feel. Possibly the trauma of seeing him die hurts more than you imagined.

Let yourself grieve and maybe you will come to a conclusion of what your father would have wanted you to do with your life and what he would like to be remembered by.

He is always with you as he is part of you.

Nobody really dies....you will meet again...
Much love from Cape Town

Thank you

Thank you so much. That is a really lovely thing to say and made me smile x

Thank you Chip

Thank you for your help

Thanks Pooch. I can't help feeling guilty when so many lose so much more but you're right

It isn't rambling, it's all helping which is why I want to reply to every single person individually so thank you so much. That is what love is.. And I really hope he is proud, I know he is because he told me. I'm so lucky in so many ways that I got that time with him.. He was such an amazing a Dad. Thank you again. X

This is a life altering event for many reasons and it will take a lifetime to put in perspective. Do not be hard on yourself about the process. It will never be the same. It will be ok, it will be different - but it will never be the same. Please be gentle and caring with yourself as you go through the stages of loss, that may come out of order or not move in any kind of logical time frame.

A few months, you are still very probably in shock. Sending you Love and prayers sweetheart. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you

I think I'm struggling with the memory of watching him die, it was quite traumatic.. His eyes, his breathing.. But it was also very peaceful so sometimes it comforts me and other times it gives me nightmares. Thank you so much for your advice and I will start to write my feelings down. I hope so.

I am so sorry about your Mum and Dad. That must be so so difficult to go through. Stay strong and thank you x

He was such a massive part of my world.. And this last year he was part of my every day. Thank you so much and you also have so much good in you for taking your time to give me advice and kind words. It really has helped.

I think I'm at the angry, depressed, sad stage. I can't believe he has gone but I know he has and I know he won't be coming back.. I feel so angry at everyone around me because they seem to be coping so much better than me and sometimes I want them to hurt as much as I am.. Which is pretty messed up and I can't believe I even feel like that. It's difficult to understand and I just feel like my heart is broken, I can't actually feel this constant ache in my chest. Thank you so much for your advice and he would want me to live on you are right.

*can actually

Thank you

I'm so sorry you went through this too. That's comforting to know you've been through this and can say that. Yes that's such a nice idea I will definitely start to do that. I have wrote to him a few times but it's more letters for his grave, rather than a journal for myself. Thank you again and you never rambled. Everything helps it really does. Even just reading this thread I feel so much better tonight

I dont mean to belittle your situation. But, get a dog, He will take your mind off things. Dogs love unconditionally. Dont get a cat. Cats suck.
Get a good pure breed dog.

Sorry about your father.

He was.. We were so close. You know I think our bond started when I was a baby.. I was quite poorly with asthma and I could never sleep so he would lay me on his chest and tickle my back until I fell asleep and even now I still love to have my back tickled to go to sleep. We had such an amazing bond and he was such a cuddly affectionate Dad, the total opposite of my Mum.. Who is also amazing but reserved and nothing like that. So yes we probably were also like best friends. I am so sorry for your losses.. Your best friend sounded like an amazing person and I am sure he misses you very much too. Thank you for sharing that with me and also for your advice and lovely words.. It helps so much x

That's a perfect description of how I'm feeling. It feels like the world is moving on and I'm stuck behind. I definitely believe in something more than this life so thank you for your kind words and advice.

I've never really thought of it like that but that makes sense. I suppose I am burdening myself with more depressing things. I thought maybe it would help or make me realise that my life isn't that bad and people go through worse but you're right.. Ultimately it doesn't change how much I miss my dad and how much I'm grieving. Thank you

Thank you