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CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS

 
TidesofTruth

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05/23/2016 02:00 PM
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CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
It was found to be mistranslated. Big surprise coming.

[link to www.cnn.com]


Of course the real surprise is they get eternity in Hell but why bring truth to this mythology.






Virgins? What virgins?
Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

In Syriac, the word hur is a feminine plural adjective meaning white, with the word "raisin" understood implicitly. Similarly, the immortal, pearl-like ephebes or youths of suras such as LXXVI.19 are really a misreading of a Syriac expression meaning chilled raisins (or drinks) that the just will have the pleasure of tasting in contrast to the boiling drinks promised the unfaithful and damned.

As Luxenberg's work has only recently been published we must await its scholarly assessment before we can pass any judgements. But if his analysis is correct then suicide bombers, or rather prospective martyrs, would do well to abandon their culture of death, and instead concentrate on getting laid 72 times in this world, unless of course they would really prefer chilled or white raisins, according to their taste, in the next.

[link to www.theguardian.com]

Last Edited by TidesofTruth on 05/23/2016 02:11 PM
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:01 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Ok that title made me laugh hysterically
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:02 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Isn't California the Raisin capital of the world?
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:03 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Anonymous Coward
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Super Pin!
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:05 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Gonna be lot's of Jerking off in muslim heaven.

boy are they in for a big surprise!
Diener und Herr zugleich

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05/23/2016 02:09 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
rofl
Diener und Herr zugleich
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05/23/2016 02:10 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
epiclol
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:12 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Where are the mods, super pin this!
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:19 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Oh, Gotta bump This shit!
LTHN.
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05/23/2016 02:39 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
It was found to be mistranslated. Big surprise coming.

[link to www.cnn.com]


Of course the real surprise is they get eternity in Hell but why bring truth to this mythology.






Virgins? What virgins?
Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

In Syriac, the word hur is a feminine plural adjective meaning white, with the word "raisin" understood implicitly. Similarly, the immortal, pearl-like ephebes or youths of suras such as LXXVI.19 are really a misreading of a Syriac expression meaning chilled raisins (or drinks) that the just will have the pleasure of tasting in contrast to the boiling drinks promised the unfaithful and damned.

As Luxenberg's work has only recently been published we must await its scholarly assessment before we can pass any judgements. But if his analysis is correct then suicide bombers, or rather prospective martyrs, would do well to abandon their culture of death, and instead concentrate on getting laid 72 times in this world, unless of course they would really prefer chilled or white raisins, according to their taste, in the next.

[link to www.theguardian.com]
 Quoting: TidesofTruth


Strange, I distinctly remember reading this info on the internet over 10 years ago...
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:40 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Gonna be lot's of Jerking off in muslim heaven.

boy are they in for a big surprise!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69323942


Who the raisins?
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:42 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Gonna be lot's of Jerking off in muslim heaven.

boy are they in for a big surprise!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69323942


Who the raisins?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42043972


Yogurt coated Raisins!
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:47 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Hmm... no virgins but at least there's a snackbar.

jihad2
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05/23/2016 02:51 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Hmm... no virgins but at least there's a snackbar.

jihad2
 Quoting: R. Wordsworth


LOLOLOL
Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 02:51 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
I'm Gonna tease my Muslim Neighbors tonight~!
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
I heard this on the radio today.

So what are the characteristics of a raisin?

Dried up & shriveled.

They get 72 very old women.

angryface

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Revbo™

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05/23/2016 02:53 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Hmm... no virgins but at least there's a snackbar.

jihad2
 Quoting: R. Wordsworth


laugh

Quote of the day.

Okay, Muzz: Everybody head on back home, and let's knock off all this foolishness. No amount of posthumous raisins is worth getting yourselves blowed up over.
John 8:32

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Zedakah

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05/23/2016 03:12 PM

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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
A graperapejihad?

 Quoting: ScrumpTheTexan


Did somebody call the grapist?!




Last Edited by Zedakah on 05/23/2016 03:16 PM
Epic Beard Guy

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05/23/2016 03:31 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Thought it was 72 Virginians. Give 'em something that will help 'em prepare for eternity (in hell).
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
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Anonymous Coward
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05/23/2016 03:38 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
A graperapejihad?

 Quoting: ScrumpTheTexan


Did somebody call the grapist?!



 Quoting: Zedakah


chuckle
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05/23/2016 03:38 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
This is funny, this is exactly how many raisins are in a standard box of Kellog's Raisin bran!

boom33
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05/23/2016 03:49 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Apparently that's what happens when you keep all your woman hidden from sight, you start confusing them for raisins.

epiclol
Revbo™

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05/23/2016 03:54 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Apparently that's what happens when you keep all your woman hidden from sight, you start confusing them for raisins.

epiclol
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 68927108


In a wrinkly burka, I can imagine that would not be too hard of a mistake to make.
John 8:32

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
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05/23/2016 03:59 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
:Laughclap:
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
I heard this on the radio today.

So what are the characteristics of a raisin?

Dried up & shriveled.

They get 72 very old women.

angryface

:nelson:
 Quoting: ScrumpTheTexan




or 72 very old virgin goats.
.

My dog ate my pronouns, he/she/it - everywhere. (Clown World tees)
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Want to make God laugh, tell Him 'your' plans.
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05/23/2016 04:02 PM
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Funny coincidence. I clicked on the thread and I realized the radio was playing "I heard it through the grapevine".
nikki nikita

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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
awesome.
The Comedian :D

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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Isn't California the Raisin capital of the world?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69323942


fuckyeah5


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Frater

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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Oh they get 72 virgins alright but what they didn't tell them is that their all horny GUYS!
LVX!
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Re: CONTRACT FAIL> Islamic MARTYRS to get 72 RAISINS - NOT VIRGINS
Arranging my raisins for a pic

respect of women
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