I'm barely holding on.

Hang in there, OP! Jesus is coming back any day now to set the record straight. If any reading this don't know Him, you have a little bit of time remaining to fix that. Look up!

Middle aged IT worker. I see the bad in everything. I see the lies and boogeymen people create to elevate themselves to hero status. Its the marvelization of society. If you can make demographic X evil that equates yourself to hero status. Everyone is practicing it now. Everything is so fucked up now. Im not seeing the point to being miserable anymore. At work I'm chasing an ever smaller piece of pie. You pretty much have to become a pathological liar to advance in corporate America. A fair days wage for a days work was probably always a lie too. Wife's head is buried in TV fantasy soap operas. Somehow its my responsibility to provide a lavish lifestyle even though she's more educated. That's the hoot about American education right now. Women have all these opportunities to become over-educated and no social pressure to do anything with them. Got a doctorate, then start pumping out kids. just finished med school, you deserve a man to take care of you. Its fucked because I don't know one relationship that has survived the woman being the primary bread winner. If your a man and your wife makes more than you. You're looked down upon. period. even if its behind your back.

Im so tired. i don't know ho much longer im hanging in there. Not any time soon, not going to let the dog down. But i'm not going to grow old in this country. I see the hate in these kids eyes. It's going to be much worse here in 10+ years. The globalists have been playing the long game for decades. America will be like that torched restaurant in Goodfellas. They were signing away our futures with their right hand while waiving a flag in the left. always remember nobility largely only exists in fiction. Its the lie that propels society forward.

Middle aged IT worker. I see the bad in everything. I see the lies and boogeymen people create to elevate themselves to hero status. Its the marvelization of society. If you can make demographic X evil that equates yourself to hero status. Everyone is practicing it now. Everything is so fucked up now. Im not seeing the point to being miserable anymore. At work I'm chasing an ever smaller piece of pie. You pretty much have to become a pathological liar to advance in corporate America. A fair days wage for a days work was probably always a lie too. Wife's head is buried in TV fantasy soap operas. Somehow its my responsibility to provide a lavish lifestyle even though she's more educated. That's the hoot about American education right now. Women have all these opportunities to become over-educated and no social pressure to do anything with them. Got a doctorate, then start pumping out kids. just finished med school, you deserve a man to take care of you. Its fucked because I don't know one relationship that has survived the woman being the primary bread winner. If your a man and your wife makes more than you. You're looked down upon. period. even if its behind your back.

Im so tired. i don't know ho much longer im hanging in there. Not any time soon, not going to let the dog down. But i'm not going to grow old in this country. I see the hate in these kids eyes. It's going to be much worse here in 10+ years. The globalists have been playing the long game for decades. America will be like that torched restaurant in Goodfellas. They were signing away our futures with their right hand while waiving a flag in the left. always remember nobility largely only exists in fiction. Its the lie that propels society forward.

Middle aged IT worker. I see the bad in everything. I see the lies and boogeymen people create to elevate themselves to hero status. Its the marvelization of society. If you can make demographic X evil that equates yourself to hero status. Everyone is practicing it now. Everything is so fucked up now. Im not seeing the point to being miserable anymore. At work I'm chasing an ever smaller piece of pie. You pretty much have to become a pathological liar to advance in corporate America. A fair days wage for a days work was probably always a lie too. Wife's head is buried in TV fantasy soap operas. Somehow its my responsibility to provide a lavish lifestyle even though she's more educated. That's the hoot about American education right now. Women have all these opportunities to become over-educated and no social pressure to do anything with them. Got a doctorate, then start pumping out kids. just finished med school, you deserve a man to take care of you. Its fucked because I don't know one relationship that has survived the woman being the primary bread winner. If your a man and your wife makes more than you. You're looked down upon. period. even if its behind your back.

Im so tired. i don't know ho much longer im hanging in there. Not any time soon, not going to let the dog down. But i'm not going to grow old in this country. I see the hate in these kids eyes. It's going to be much worse here in 10+ years. The globalists have been playing the long game for decades. America will be like that torched restaurant in Goodfellas. They were signing away our futures with their right hand while waiving a flag in the left. always remember nobility largely only exists in fiction. Its the lie that propels society forward.

I'm right there with you. It's time to "Go Galt".

I had a very enlightening experience some time ago that changed my perspective of Life ...

imagine two people, living in the exact same environment - making equal pay, doing what they liked doing ... only one person was completely miserable, and the other was blissfully happy with their circumstances


like the OP - the miserale individual in this true story, found faults in everything - including the things that the partner found rewarding ...and didn't appreciate anything ...

predictably, the fault finder, became self destructive --- while at the same time, his partner, became self creative ---
in the exact same environment ...


- and even though they eventually grew apart ... he remained miserable - and she remained happy .... nothing changed that, because that is what they CHOOSE to experience




YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE
and no one to blame but yourself, if you are miserable

We do this !!!


King Of The World

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

You hit dead on with that. Her last surviving family member is battling out cancer so the circumstances may change quickly and she may need a lot of support. There are no kids in the picture. Never had any because we never had time. Between careers and family most free time is spoken for. About an hour of free time a night and not much more on the weekends. Silly things like a family members birthday is an all day affair. The family has to be around each other consistently it drives me crazy. But who am i to judge when im the one feeling crappy. I appreciate the advice. Very good stuff I will be thinking about. i didn't get here overnight and I wont repair it overnight. Or maybe one day Ill just runaway and assume a new identity lol.

For every raw road there is a bright spot.

Or

Change.

or a little of both.

What would be your recommendations for short term considering:

Cant drive- breach of bail
expected to be in another town to sign weekly parole papers today
need vehicle for random grape picking jobs in area
cannot leave the state I dont belong in, due to bail conditions....

You're miserable. So is your wife, if she wants a "leader", and doesn't consider you to be a leader, and aligns herself with her family rather than her spouse.

So what are you going to do? Hang around until a kid pops into this dually unhappy picture, and then decide it was all a big mistake? And then piss and moan when you find yourself a prisoner of the so called "child protection" system?

SMDH that your aren't using yours.

Middle aged IT worker. I see the bad in everything. I see the lies and boogeymen people create to elevate themselves to hero status. Its the marvelization of society. If you can make demographic X evil that equates yourself to hero status. Everyone is practicing it now. Everything is so fucked up now. Im not seeing the point to being miserable anymore. At work I'm chasing an ever smaller piece of pie. You pretty much have to become a pathological liar to advance in corporate America. A fair days wage for a days work was probably always a lie too. Wife's head is buried in TV fantasy soap operas. Somehow its my responsibility to provide a lavish lifestyle even though she's more educated. That's the hoot about American education right now. Women have all these opportunities to become over-educated and no social pressure to do anything with them. Got a doctorate, then start pumping out kids. just finished med school, you deserve a man to take care of you. Its fucked because I don't know one relationship that has survived the woman being the primary bread winner. If your a man and your wife makes more than you. You're looked down upon. period. even if its behind your back.

Im so tired. i don't know ho much longer im hanging in there. Not any time soon, not going to let the dog down. But i'm not going to grow old in this country. I see the hate in these kids eyes. It's going to be much worse here in 10+ years. The globalists have been playing the long game for decades. America will be like that torched restaurant in Goodfellas. They were signing away our futures with their right hand while waiving a flag in the left. always remember nobility largely only exists in fiction. Its the lie that propels society forward.

Go to ground.
Get your feet.
walk slowly .

Do not let the problems of the world cloud your own basic needs/responsibilities. Rather this is the first priority.

Ride a bike or take a bus do what it takes to not break the law.

look for other job opportunities. Gain new skills. Make new contacts. Create value.

The point that u missed

I am breaking law no matter what I do

Oppression + revenue raising
Means I cant relax, ever
So when I finally have to kill a cop
To stay alive
Theyll make it look like
It was my fault
I am surrounded by hypocrites
And your advise is beyond useless

Lay low is your best advise
U r weak
U should die first

Middle aged IT worker. I see the bad in everything. I see the lies and boogeymen people create to elevate themselves to hero status. Its the marvelization of society. If you can make demographic X evil that equates yourself to hero status. Everyone is practicing it now. Everything is so fucked up now. Im not seeing the point to being miserable anymore. At work I'm chasing an ever smaller piece of pie. You pretty much have to become a pathological liar to advance in corporate America. A fair days wage for a days work was probably always a lie too. Wife's head is buried in TV fantasy soap operas. Somehow its my responsibility to provide a lavish lifestyle even though she's more educated. That's the hoot about American education right now. Women have all these opportunities to become over-educated and no social pressure to do anything with them. Got a doctorate, then start pumping out kids. just finished med school, you deserve a man to take care of you. Its fucked because I don't know one relationship that has survived the woman being the primary bread winner. If your a man and your wife makes more than you. You're looked down upon. period. even if its behind your back.

Im so tired. i don't know ho much longer im hanging in there. Not any time soon, not going to let the dog down. But i'm not going to grow old in this country. I see the hate in these kids eyes. It's going to be much worse here in 10+ years. The globalists have been playing the long game for decades. America will be like that torched restaurant in Goodfellas. They were signing away our futures with their right hand while waiving a flag in the left. always remember nobility largely only exists in fiction. Its the lie that propels society forward.

Fat chance of that. Families will be divided.

I get in arguments with my nephew, who is some kind of psychotic weasel. I have always been very generous with him and his sisters since they were small.

A few yeast ago, he was an adult man living in his mother's house, after she had moved out. Living for free, and mostly unemployed.

He ran the house into the ground. Every inch of it was caked with filth and filled with more flies than you can imagine. Almost all of the windows were broken and the doors were falling off their hinges. Water from the pipes was leaking into the dank, and musty basement, which was full of wet clothes on the floor and all sorts of garbage. The bathroom was filthy and completely trashed, with a broken sink and a rotten hole, more than a foot wide right in front of the toilet. The house should have been condemned.

At my own expense, nearly five thousand dollars, and thousands of hours of labor, I managed to clean the house, fix the bathroom, the leaky pipes, the windows including installing new storm windows, the yard, demolish and rebuild the front porch, and a host of other things, too numerous to mention.

Before I left, I let him have a lot of my stuff, including an expensive stereo system, and a large flat-screen TV, among other things like tools, leather jackets, a table saw, etc.

While I was working on the house, he offered no help, and I was constantly having to clean up after him and his parties. He spent most of his time drunk and stoned. He never even thanked me, and started crying about me paying rent. In a rotten little house that couldn't even legally be rented, where I slept in a large closet sized room in the back while he slept in the master bedroom, I paid him $200.00 per month, but I would have preferred to use the money for materials. I had to quit working when I ran out of money for materials, and I spent the next for months sorting through my stuff, and selling what I couldn't take with me.

Everyone knew for all those months that I was planning to leave, and packing and repacking my car to see how much I could bring with me. I had to leave some things that I couldn't bring with, so I packed them in boxes, ready for shipping, and I told my nephew that I would either send for them when I got a place, or return and pick them up.

When I returned half a year later, my nephew acted distressed and weird, and started accusing me of stealing his stuff. He had to paw through every box I removed, but none of his stuff was in it.

Then he started accusing me of stealing a book of his that he couldn't find. A stupid, little, worthless book! I told him I didn't take it, but he kept insisting I did. I told him that someone had put books that were on shelves in the living room into the basement, and it was probably there. No, he kept insisting I stole it, and he was telling his mother and everyone I stole his book. For months, he kept bitching at me about stealing his book, and when I asked him if he looked in the basement, he claimed he had, and it wasn't there.

A few months ago, I looked around in the basement and found his book. Vindicated with proof, and does anyone even imagine that the very next thing I said to him was that I found his book in the basement where I said it probably was? His reaction was surprising. He just shrugged and said "oh". There was no apology for slandering me.

I am currently sleeping on my sister's couch and planning to go homeless, since I can't find a job. While I had a very wretched, minimum wage job, which didn't pay me enough to find a place of my own, and which was most of last year, I paid my sister $240.00 per month, a third of the rent, to sleep on the couch, and all along, I did most of the housework.

So now I can't pay rent, as I sort out my stuff and try to figure out what I need and what I can carry when I go. I'm still buying my own food and doing most of the house work, and trying not to impose on my sister. I never asked for compensation for the $5000.00 in materials I spent on her house, or any compensation for the thousands of hours of very exhausting and dirty labor on her house.

Yet, after I lost my job, my nephew showed up and started telling me to get a job and contribute. He was talking like the big, swinging dick and lord of the manner, and saying that everyone takes advantage of his mother and I was being a freeloader. Did I need to remind him that he didn't own the whole house he was living in for free? He was the only person present who was still taking advantage of his mother, as he had for many years, while destroying her house.

He was impervious to logic and reason. Nothing I said to him even registered. He just rocked back in his chair, grinning at me, rubbing his fingers together, and saying I had to pay cash.

He really seemed to be acting like his mother's pimp.

Last weekend, we had another argument when I found out he had been telling lies about the book. He had been telling everyone he found the book in a box that I was trying to sneak out of the house with, and he cleverly contrived to ask me about it, and I then reluctantly confessed that I found it. My sister apparently even believed the fabrication. She is not that stupid.

We got in another argument and he recounted his completely delusional version of events. He claimed I had just up and disappeared without telling anyone, and that I had assured him that I would take care of the house and everything. It was completely strange and delusional. I now believe he is a completely deranged psychopath. Something is very very wrong with his brain. Too much drugs? Too much booze? I don't know. Maybe he is simply evil. I have observed that he likes to gaslight people - just about everyone. It is no wonder that his roommate left all of a sudden without notice, at a time when he kept telling me I could kick out his roommate. I had to keep telling him I didn't want to kick out his roommate, and that I liked him. He was a cool guy. His roommate never told me he was leaving, but he left behind many clues and messages that he thought my nephew was evil - really and genuinely evil.

I want to get as far away from that incestuous band of lunatics as I can.

If things are as bad in other families - it is getting very bad.

I fucked up. My wife is very controlled by her surviving family. She can't barely take a shit without phoning for permission. I'm not very close to my family, Im respectful but I had a not-great childhood. My parents were very young and selfish and once they divorced they wanted us kids to just go away. the experiment was over so to speak. But many had much worse so i don't dwell on that. Im respectful for all they did do. But im not very well respected as a leader in my wifes eyes. overall she looks to her family for guidance. Im not sure if i can fix that or if i even have the willing energy at this point. I feel very much like a single parent a lot. i do agree i need to fix it. Its rough when your barely holding on.