Are You a Music Producer? Have You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers Too Long?

The Top 40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers Too Long

40. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know how many
BPM they flash at.
39. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required to reproduce it.
38. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one marked 'thru'.
37. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.
36. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.
35. Your cat's name is Octave.
34. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn the knob...
33. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to remind you what she looks like.
32. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
31. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples. (Don't ask where the pitchbend is...)
30. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and doesn't have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.
29. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and produce.
28. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.
27. You have bass bins for end tables.
26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night. (See 2)
25. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure what it is, but when you go outside it burns out your retinas and makes your skin glow.
24. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified ads and can effectively scan them in under a minute.
23. You neer answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get people to listen to the answering message you spent so much time on in 29?)
22. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another one" and you know what they're talking about.
21. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty lights blink and glow.
20. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".
19. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than fiddle with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.
18. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+ years, but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.
17. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.
16. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of crap?" and you glare back and actually get offended...
15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...
14. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances because 'they just work better '
13. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.
12. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains relay to trigger the coffee machine every 1,024 gate pulses
11. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo on it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This allows more money for the important things in life.
10. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are still mixing it.
9. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then go on to tell the
company reps how it works, where the PCM samples came from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog wardrobes all in a very loud voice.
They give you an embroidered tour jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 11)
8. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.
7. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.
6. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample them.
5. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!
4. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show everyone.
3. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.
2. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.

...and the the #1 sign that you've been hanging around synths and
samplers too long:
You understand every last term and joke used in this article