why most relationships are doomed?

Good thread OP.


Especially the hyper-sexualized teens need to read this.

because all relationships revolve around selfishness.
Every relationship seems to be about what this other person can do for me.

I have learned something, after 2 failed marriages and a recent failed relationship:

It is not about how much I am loved, but how much I love...

Being loved gives me courage...loving another gives me inspiration.

source of the problem is human nature.we're not meant to be together with 1 person all life.2nd is we're inherently selfish.it's all about me,give me this,give me that,i want this,i want that and the rest of can go to hell attitude.this doesn't mean we have to be like that.no,we can fight against it but most peeps take the easy way,always have,always will.

just something i've noticed. Ever had two friends that you wished would hook up because they'd get on like a house on fire? Try and see yourself like that, or how most folk will have many aquaintances but few real friends? Kinda like that.

There are many shags but few lovers. :)

Just let things happen and they do. It sounds cliche but the best relationships come from friends that eventually realise "actually, i really like this person". It only works when both parties WANT to be there for the other, not because they feel obliged to, like you said.

It's not because of sex...

It's because people don't do the self work BEFORE engaging in something as complex as sex WITH another person.

Ok, lets look at the facts.

First a few decades ago relationships didnt end very often. Then governments started to introduce various womens rights and then relationships started to fall all over the place.

I am not against womens rights but its at this time most relationships started to fail.

I think women should have the rights they have today but when children are involved I truely believe there should be laws making it really really difficult to get seperated. Because if you have kids with each other you lose the right to the freedom of seperation IMO.

The kids must come first.

Its not down to womens rights, its down to sex being the first factor on a persons mind when they meet. They don't KNOW each other. How many old couples do you know that started as a one nighter? Back then, when sex was still something to blush about, couples would meet up for a while, talk, get to know each other and long for the next time they saw each other, instead of seeing the other as a commodity.

Don't get me wrong, i think sex is something that is a persons own choice to do, but it's personal morality issues and without sounding like a killjoy, the media has pushed it in our faces so far that its became a MUST when you meet someone. People just aren't interested in having a deep bond anymore and it goes for both sexes.

nice.

God bless you

I thought my ex- wife was my best friend.

^this^ x1000.....that's what I get for 'thinking'...

All relationships revolve around sex, including same-sex heterosexual relationships.

Love has nothing to do with it; a cheating husband / wife may still love their spouse despite not getting all the sexual satisfaction.

There is no soul-mate, no perfect partner for anyone. Relationships = compromise.

Anyone who's had a relationship post-high school will know this to be true.

I was talking to several couples in Colorado not long ago in the mountains an came to these three things for a lasting relation.
1. never raise your voice at your partner
2. always talk things out with each other
3. never ever ever go to bed angry at each other
Peace
for you lilly
for you also my friend omina.

Possessiveness, Materialism, No Self-love...

main reason is that TPTB have deliberately confused the gender roles. people dont know what it means to be a man or a woman anymore. the men are told to be beautiful and care how they look, the women are told to be independent and have careers. its not the natural order, it is confusing and unhealthy. this translates to broken relationships.

Good stuff, OP.


Friendship is key to a long lasting relationship. Any guy that would want to fuck me on the first date would not be a wise choice.... red flag that all they want is sex. Anyone can get sex. Friendship is rare.

You are correct.

And I add this:

Sex is a distraction, it is destructive in many ways, and carries too much baggage. Everything changes in a relationship once sex enters the picture, and anyone who denies that is a fool.

Humans have a physical, instinctual "need" for sex - BUT that need can be controlled. It's very simple, but most people do not want to control it or refuse to try.

Humans are programmed to be "in love", to be in a relationship, to be with someone, anyone, just for the sake of not being alone. And that is absurd.

They are also programmed to get married, to procreate, to give their parents grandchildren . . . in other words, to do as others do.

Why be a sheeple?

Be an individual, this is a message I've been trying to impart to others, after years of experiences and wisdom gained.

There is NO SUCH THING as being "in love" - that's just an empty term created by those who want to believe in the fairytale of loving and being loved and happily ever after.

I believe that humans can care about other humans, there can be genuine care and concern, but I don't think humans are capable of truly loving each other because there are too many negative dynamics at play. Selfishness, greed, apathy, past history, emotional hang-ups, stress, so many emotions that prevent true love from being part of the equation.

But most people have not come to that realization, and many never will. Instead, they spend their lives in mentally and emotionally and physically depleting relationships, searching for something that simply DOES NOT EXIST.

And I find it amazing that in 2012, there is still so much sexual abandon, so many girls feel the sum of their entire worth is based on their sexuality and willingness to be sexually involved, and that so many people have zero self-respect.

I DO think humans can love animals, nature, and the self. And the reason that kind of love works is because it involves a key element: respect. When one feels sincere respect and love for the earth's creatures, for the majesty and power of nature, and for all the qualities of their own being - they will be a fulfilled person.

Cheating on someone feels so fucking hot.

Becuase women have mouths

All a man needs is a good truck, a good dog, a good shotgun... Everything else is just for play.

Stress, basically.

Many good points here, but a Biblical perspective is needed. First and foremost there is no such thing as falling in love. There is lust yes as a motivation for couples to come together, but that is biologically programmed to fail after about 6 months.

The Bible commands husbands to love their wives. What? How can that be, how can you have control over that amorphous feeling, 'love'. How can you be commanded to love?

Love is actually an action that is consciously chosen. You either choose to love someone or not. You choose to love God and obey his commands or not. You choose to love your spouse and enjoy a long lasting healthy relationship, or you do what everyone else does, divorce and flee when things get uncomfortable.

That is why marriage is covenant before God and men. It's a faith promise, whose vows are all too conveniently broken. Even christians view God the same way they view Santa Claus, as a feel good fairy tale, with no real cause and effect on their lives. Thus clearly breaking a solemn vow before God is no big deal right.......

Now you see? Choose to love.

*************************THIS************************ Being loved gives me courage...loving another gives me inspiration.

materialism is fine, it isn't the problem

everyone wants to be warm, well fed, have a reliable car, etc.

the problem is the intentional shuttering of our economy. we have financial vultures breathing down all our necks and the stress from that permeates into every facet of live. the economy largely represents human interaction. the lies and deceit that run rampant in our system leak out into relationships like a cancer.

the highest minimum wage in 2012 inflation adjusted dollars was in the 60s at $21/hour. the median wage now is $15/hour. that means your average worker, a college educated, well trained, much more efficient producer than 50 years ago ... is making 1/3 less. life was simply easier before the vultures got a strangle grip on the world ... joe blow could get a minimum wage job and buy his own car before college all while talking sallie q on nice dates every weekend.

most importantly, people had leisure time. you can't develop your mind, your soul, or your relationships without free time. the hustle and bustle has degraded our existence as human beings and it shows up clearly in the divorce rate.

This is wisdom...it doesn't make it in Hollywood.. and that makes it with me...