Dating sucks!!! Anybody else feel this way?

I took this chick out last night and didn't get anything out of it. We went to dinner and I did everything I could to impress her. I told her how to beat Bubble Bobble for the NES and I translated hieroglyphics for her. I talked at length about baking pita bread and drank ice water while asking her about her feelings about partial birth abortions and the Iran-Contra scandal. I ordered linguini and told her to hand over every spoon within reach. I took the spoons and rolled them up in linens and screamed that Humpty Dumpty was "a motherfucker". I lifted up my chair and shook it violently going "this is how you kill a gibbon! This is how you kill a gibbon!" then I hummed some Rod Stewart and ordered an orange slice. I ate the orange slice and explained how I thought North Korean chicks would probably be pretty hot if they fattened up a little so I took her leftover ravioli and wrote "For The North Korean Ladies, From Anderson Cooper" on the box.