I Suspect that my Narcissistic Mother was Poisoning or Drugging me

I am sorry that there are posters here who have, or have had, to deal with narcissists. They are sheer hell to have to live with. Some are able to go no contact, others can’t, for a variety of reasons. People who have never dealt with a narcissist have no effing clue on what it is like.

Well said.

It took years, but, I managed to get away from my first husband. Having bonded with his teen-aged daughter, whose experience was similar, we managed to remain quite close.

A few years later, now remarried, I was at her home babysitting when I answered the phone. It was his sister...one of my 15 former, fun, in-laws. (He was one of 18 kids.)

Recognizing my voice she blurts out: "How did you weedle your way back into the family?" I was dumbstruck.
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That's when I began to discover the lies he had told his family, to save face, once he had to report that I had left him, taking the children with me.

The strangest part is that after he remarried, most of that info I learned from his new wife...who decided to seek me out to befriend me, her taking to calling 'our alliance' sort of a ptsd wive's-club.

Most of the time when she called she was piss-ass drunk, or on meds, in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn't stop my hand from picking up the phone, even though I'd cringe while doing so. In her eyes, I was 'the authority' who understood everything she was experiencing, so, as if she were one of my kids reaching out...I left that door open.

He's dead now. I've often wondered if she had anything to do with his early demise.

We've finally found a sense of peace, despite any remaining reverberations that tend to resurface when you least expect it. How my kids grew up confident and of sound mind is almost a mystery. It was truly exhausting.

This ^^^^

A lot of good advice in this thread. … I'd just like to add get out and break all ties as soon as you can. Never go back. The damage that is done to you physically and mentally cannot be undone. I went back later in life because the other parent needed help and with no other relatives and being the only child I felt it was the right thing to do. It was a mistake.

You need a high quality slide action shotgun.

Having been injured and very ill, I was dependent on living with my mother and paying half the bills. She mocked me the entire time. Called it the "poor me routine". I could do nothing because all the fight I had went towards getting better and attempting to de-stress. Feels like a demon gnawing at your soul. She was always like that. Never took me to doctors when I was sick or screamed at me if she had to take me. What a burden I was. Worse part is when they're nice and expect you to be nice back after you've figured it all out...thats tough.
I've forgiven each thing but myself for saying I hate her...or wish she would get a DUI or learn a lesson the hard way. My plan is to wait until she is on her death bed, mock her and gaslight her. When she's about to break, I'll let her off the hook. Tell her she actually did break me but that I forgive her and command every demon to exit her body in Jesus name.
To me it seems fair.

That is some harsh upbringing. Sorry to hear that.

There are many parents who treat their children like burdens, which over time, destroys the child.

It's better to stay away. Never go back, even when she is on her death bed

Narcissists target certain personalities.
They prey on popular women, bubbly and happy girls, confident and well versed.

Then the Narcissist proceeds to break down and take everything from their target because the Narcissist hates themselves and have killed their true self. So it's like Face Off, they are stealing the victims personality. And then when they have stolen it all they kill the victim. It's sick as shit.

She's right.

((( hugs )))

Thank you for this.
I'm going to be expected to bury my estranged Narcissist husband and his family has been brainwashed that I am evil.

I will take the opportunity at the funeral to disown anyone who keeps up that myth. It will be closure for me.

Thank goodness that Narcissist Personality Disorder is now more out in the open. Many people suffered silently and isolated for years.

Awareness is SOOOO important!!!

Now I know how to recognize them right away and put up my boundaries. Before I attracted them into my life, eek.

PTSD lasts a long time.
I am escaped and safe for 4 years now and it still stings.

Take care of you. Rest, recover, rebuild.

I think my daughter was born with something haywire in her brain. I do not think she chose to be psychopath. As her mother or any family member it is our job, our duty to love and help them in every way possible. I do not think having my daughter locked up in prison is the best thing for her or for me to do as a mother. I have researched and I have yet to find any cure, I kept her on the best diet possible all her life even before birth. I raised them better than most. I know drugs are not the answer either. There must be something I can do, at least some way to stop her from harming others? Please help if you can with more advice.

Perhaps she was just a really bad cook?

Yes, just go away. Detach yourself; breathe freer.

The few people in my life who have 'caused wrong' against me have all been narcissists.

That's on them, not me.

I prefer to use the term 'I understand', rather than 'I forgive', because I know they cannot change.

When you've done nothing to cause it, and have no way for them to stop, removing yourself from their influence is the only way to protect yourself.

There's one sister-in-law (on my side) who also suffers big-time from TDS. Now that my brother is dead, she's taken to direct her angst against me, simply by knowing I support Trump, and despite the fact I have NEVER even spoken politics with her.

Point is, now that he's gone, and with her daughter telling her -at a family reunion last year- that she wants nothing to do with her, she needs someone else to exact superiority over. After her daughter left she pulled me aside for consolation. I never saw what happened next coming.

My BIG mistake was telling her that it's only natural, and healthy, for kids to want to move away from the influence of their parents. She was daddy's girl, and daddy is no longer there to be her mentor.

In essence, I wound up pointing out her strangle-hold on her kid, exposing her. Not in words, but I guess in kind.

The poison pen letter came two weeks later, asking for an apology for hurting her...a veritable twisting of all we had talked about, worded in what her brain, rather than her ears, actually heard.

What a mess. The one chuckle I've had in all this was my sister saying: "you finally got an infamous poison pen letter, also."

Only craziness has followed since.

That I won't answer her calls or texts infuriates her, so she's taken to calling a niece...who's now strangely taken to mocking to others aspects of my life she perceives to be odd, like my not having much of an income. I won't suffer you through those things.

Point is, my narcissist sister-in-law has chosen the youngest family member to influence in order to have an ally, while lavishing her and her toddlers with pricey gifts. Why, though? I have NOTHING to do with any of it. Or their lives.

There seems to be a desperation to this, ever since I finally moved down South last year, closer to my siblings.

Now, once again, I have two people I try to avoid at all costs to prevent unwanted confrontations.

Unfortunately, it's a Catch-22 situation. If I show up, I chance being targeted...which I have. If I choose to beg out, it only fuels their fire all the more.

As I said, it's on them, not me. I have no hate, and 'forgiveness' has nothing to do with it. They are psychologically ill. I just need to stay out of their crosshairs.
____

The toxicity of this disorder has no bounds.

Last Edited by esotericMorgan on 08/21/2019 12:59 PM

mine too i suspect that she displays narcissistic tendency's and i feel your pain.

I stopped allowing my mother to cook for me at age 11.

Wow, Miss Cleo...interesting insight. It explains a lot.

My dearly-departed second hubby was the one who first labeled his predecessor a narcissist. Until that revelation, it was only a word that had no meaning to me.

The only 'research' I did was his asking me to read something he pulled off the internet, so I could understand what this meant, especially for my kids.

It was a blessing having that understanding, and someone there who recognized the signs.

Your daughter is a danger to your grandson. Is someone else in the family having constant contact with her to make sure he's not being harmed. I know you love her but you can't protect her from what she's done. She is a dangerous person. Is their more witnesses to her admitting using poison? I just really worry about the I'm assuming a child. I hate CPS but someone needs to make sure she isn't harming the child. She needs to be committed to a mental hospital or jailed one or the other. Don't let love blind you to the seriousness of her condition whether it's her fault or not.

So sad I'm not the only one.

We do not have the power to 'forgive' anyone but ourselves. It is a misconception of the word, clearly lost in the translation of hebrew words from the bible. We can only accept and move on. Glad you got away.

If your daughter is a psychopath its better for everyone that she harms that she is locked away. You are responsible if she did something and are covering for her - she won't and cannot change, or care. ever.

Yes, it's a vascular constrictor. Look into it, many people have been poisoned by it. It has a weak taste and is transparent. Some have been charged with felonies for attempting to prank a person by spiking a drink with it. There is an urban legend that it causes diarrhea but it doesn't. It constricts the blood flow in your heart, brain, lungs, and other organs. In your eyes topically it constricts the vessels causing them to shrink and be less visible. This also keeps most of it from entering your system.

The thought of disowning any of them never had to cross my mind. I simply walked away, leaving them to their own devices.

However, my situation made that easy, because there was only the step-daughter on that side then remaining, who was my ally... and adored my second husband, as did her kids.
_____

When the time comes, I hope your moments for closure come and go without (or too much) angst, and whoever remains finds reason to finally break the cycle.

(((hugs)))

We are not doing the world any good by turning our backs on our own family and loved ones. If we give up on them, there will be no one to help in any way. They will be a burden on society and a danger to others and need to be locked up. There must be something we can do to help.

Wow.

You must have a larger degree of insight than most. Hope it has helped in the long run,

I feel for you...I have been there with my narc mom.
You have to protect your health and not just physically!
The most validating thing for me was the nurse pegged my mom as abusive (manipulative) to me within one week of being in an ALF. I am low contact...I take her supplies and walk out the door. She has 3 siblings, 2 daughters, 2 grand kids, and a step mom and I am the only one who even speaks to her. I do not wish her bad but do feel she is reaping what she has sown...

I don't think it's fair to say she's responsible. It only amplifies the pain of something you have absolutely no control over.

Dangerous people have a habit of covering their tracks, hiding themselves to any exposure. That includes removing themselves from the trajectory of people who know, or suspect, what they're capable of.

Perhaps a person with such knowledge, who has ample funding available to investigate it properly, might have the ability to stick with it from a SAFE distance...but most of us don't.

Besides, if a family member starts nosing around, who's to say the clever party won't take it upon themselves to keep a journal full of lies, to figure out a way to actually do harm to them at some point...legally or otherwise.

An anonymous tip might be the only thing they can do, but even that could backfire wildly, putting the tipper -and child- at risk.

I'm not a professional by any means, but sometimes there's no simple answer. And, sometimes an attempt to help becomes a very dangerous game, for the child especially.

Last Edited by esotericMorgan on 08/21/2019 03:44 PM

Other than my husband, I trust NOBODY.

You guys are so right. Psychopaths are master manipulators. My daughter has spun so many lies for so many years and has almost everyone fooled into thinking she is a poor sweet little angel and I am the bad one. Only the other people she has poisoned would believe me. I have no proof to call the authorities. She has everyone conned. She has cost me so much, I can not begin to tell how she has destroyed my finances, cost me jobs, my home, my reputation, my health and what ever damage the poisons over so many years may have caused. I know she used more than one kind, but antifreeze I know for sure. I have thought of trying to get her to confess again and tape it. But I do not want to use it to put her in jail but force her to get mental help and come clean with all her lies and wrong doings. It is not repent if you are forced into it.