Our rent is increasing by 300, but we each still only pay 615. That is still more affordable than if I were on my own. But I've never felt the want or need to be so alone as I do now.

Every warning is being ignored. I do not wish to impose, but I cannot help but feel a rather altruistic need to wake people up just as Noah was told to do.

But I'm not specifically in communication with God, at least not in a language type communication form.

For me, it has been more in the relics of the teachings of the past, of the moral staples in my life and the scars of past calamity.

When Trump was elected, I believe that actually made me lose a bit of focus on myself and on God because it threw me for the loop of unrealistic optimism.

Somehow, he was going to fix it.

Now we know that just isn't the case.

He did so much good, fought tooth and nail, walked through the valley of the shadow of death, but something eventually changed even in him. When expecting martyrdom, in the end I feel like we were actually lead into something far worse...

We had expectations and thought the world could turn around, but it was false peace.

The tribulation began in 2017 with the solar eclipse over the heart of the us and will end with the second coming of the solar eclipse in 2024, a 7 year period split down the middle with hope and anguish.

I feel it is my duty to spread the word and to wake people up, but as Jesus taught, even mentioning him to others causes them to build their mental walls before me.

I was lost in hope, in optimism, but now realize that i am found in an inescapable destruction coming.

So what is there to do but to embrace it?

I chose to be single and to remain without children for some altruistic and some selfish reasons. I realized the lust and pleasure wouldn't outweigh the burden of a wife and children going through this world, with me as their protector. That makes me both a coward and a savior to having never produced that potential outcome as I can see many of my peers, brothers and sisters included, have.

So I sit in this meat suit awaiting an inevitable end, wishing it would come already like sitting through a really bad 3 hour long movie (I'm looking at you Batman vs Superman).

And that breaks my heart. Not only for me, but for the wife and children I never had, for all the opportunity I not only gave up but willingly prevented or destroyed.

And I believe that breaks God's heart even more.

There are other "God's" but none come before the one true creator.

They will certainly try, and rather soon at that.

But what to do now?

Just write? Make books? Print out my photos and everything else that is predominantly digital anymore? Is preservation even necessary if we are to understand and believe what is impending?

Meditation, grounding, getting away from it and them all... So lonely yet so ready to just be done with it...