I work endlessly it seems for minimum pay, which is killing me. I am attempting to go back to school for electrical engineering next Summer if things can actually work in terms of staying in school and not flipping my lid with depression or mania.

I need new hobbies. I run 15-20 miles a week, work out every other day (or I was until the past few days), but I see nobody... no one.

I have absolutely zero friends or people that I engage with and it's literally killing me.

I'm getting upset with God over stuff that's out of my control (My Mom passing away, girlfriend breaking up with me, up to my butt in bills, etc.)

Thinking about about buying a paintball gun and joining a league or something, I don't know. I have no idea what to do with my life.

Schizophrenia and BiPolar are kicking my ass and not showing any mercy, so I'm fed up with a lot going on.

Not to mention this COVID crap is stressing me the heck out seeing so many people still wearing masks. It's absurd.

I'm so damn lonely and really don't have a clue what I'm doing in life.

I will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas alone again for the 3rd year in a row and that really bums me out that I have nobody to be around for my favorite Holidays.

My faith is pretty much gone. I'm so stressed out, overwhelmed, and lonely I find it difficult to praise God, all-while hearing voices throughout the day.

Is this the life God had in mind for me, to suffer so badly?

Like I mentioned, I feel clueless in life. Everybody seems to have their shit together. Friends, family, relationships or spouses... I just sit at home writing and listening to music and then get my nightly work shift in.

Ugh! This life, tho.