Grew up in Pentacostal church, became homeless, was going to suicide when 18yo then suddenly forced to pray for three weeks, then went to church knowing was going to get Holy Ghost and did. So I was validated and knew the truth and things will be great, nope.

Things were great for a few years until started noticing what OP has. The elders in church were not who I wanted to be in 50 years. They were stupid hypocrites. The bible has a little bit of truth that allows the good a path but also prevents them from growing and becoming free. To become free one must be willing to leave the herd, to do things one was taught is blasphemy.

Witnessed a few miracles then nothing for 20 years, was sick, rudderless without communication from God. Three years ago things changed, instead of being forced to pray for three weeks had an urge to walk like Forest Gump. Was so lonely, wanted to cry lonely, but it was transforming. People are your enemy. They provide a sense of comfort but also a prison. You must conform to their standards, their reality, which is why Jesus said if one doesn't hate their brother they don't have the truth. That began a process that is fruitful. The answer is not outside of you, no book or person will provide it.

Leave the endless dogma, the threat of going to hell, and allow oneself to accept anything.

The walking was a form of meditation, then started formal meditation which is a type of fasting. Meditation separates from the patterns of this realm. You first separate then start building the kingdom which is inside.

Their is no we or us, that is the main lie the imprisons. You must be willing to take responsibilty for yourself vs depending on a preacher to orate reality.