My husband beats me every night. What do I do? I'm scared. | |
RingOfAll User ID: 27503964 United States 11/11/2012 03:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19279205 United States 11/11/2012 03:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 22944917 United States 11/11/2012 04:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27378269 United States 11/11/2012 04:03 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27504707 New Zealand 11/11/2012 04:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | How to Break Up with a Dangerous Man, Planning a Co-ordinated Exit to Reduce the Probability of Harm and, How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved Author Sandra L. Brown, M.A. [link to www.saferelationships.com] EXCERPTS: ------------------------------------------------------------ Boundaries are the #1 issue related to pathological love relationships. The women we tested for our research realized they didn't have good boundaries, didn't recognize boundary violations, didn't know how to get good boundaries, and were often uncomfortable exerting boundaries. No wonder this is a HUGE prevention and recovery issue for people emerging from pathological relationships. People absolutely MUST develop boundaries or they are permanently at risk for more of these relationships. Some women who have been involved with dangerous men told me they waited to be ‘released’ from relationships and did not initiate breakups even when they no longer wanted to see the man. Even when they feared a man, they hoped he would break up with them. Other women admitted to marrying men they did not love because they didn’t think they ‘could’ or ‘should’ say no to a marriage proposal. A man had chosen them for this honoured position, and they did not know how to turn him down. Another area that may give clues as to why women ignore red flags is their own mental health. Family systems that teach young girls to ignore their own needs set up a lifetime of unhealthy psychology. The bottom line is: Nothing works permanently or consistently on pathology. Nothing. Women lose years of un-retrievable energy and youth on dangerous men waiting for them to be different when in fact, they aren't wired to ever be different this is the permanence of pathology. A critical factor in this break up is: THE MOST VOLATILE PART OF HIS PERSONALITY IS LIKELY TO BECOME MORE VOLATILE WHEN YOU BREAK UP. This means, if he is violent, he is likely to become more violent during a break up. If he drinks a lot, he is likely to drink even MORE during a break up. Failure in successfully and safely leaving usually results from: Under-estimating the tactics he will use Not getting enough help and support to ensure your safety Re-opening the door for contact Not using law enforcement or legal recourse when needed. I cannot stress enough that pathological people are trickier than we are smart. They are Master Manipulators. He will look for your weak spots and keep going after them. If he can get you to talk he can reopen the door. If he can get you to answer the door, he can reopen the relationship. If you respond to a gift, he sees that as hopeful. If you answer his letters, he thinks he has a chance. Pathologicals read more into your reactions than normal men. "No Contact" is the only thing that begins to penetrate his resolve. Women END UP with pathological men because they did not know what pathology looked or acted like. Some women ended up with them because they ignored their own red flags when they actually had some concerns about him. It can take women a long time to come to terms with the permanence of pathology and to really ‘get it’ that his claims to change don’t mean much. But once she gets an inkling that maybe what is wrong with him might really be something big, she still sticks around wondering if she can do something to make it work — So she works harder (while he doesn’t). She talks more trying to communicate better (while he doesn't). She goes to counseling (while he doesn’t or doesn’t stay. And she tries to make the relationship work one-sided while he continues to blame her. RULE # 1: No Contact - No Contact means NONE The good news is that most dangerous and pathological men cannot stand to be alone long so the longer you are consistent with no contact, the bigger chance you have of him quickly replacing you with someone else! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27469373 Norway 11/11/2012 04:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Angel Lust User ID: 22065826 United States 11/11/2012 04:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 23884908 United States 11/11/2012 04:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're a moron... And I have proof..... You let your husband beat you like you're some kind of animal, who can't think for itself. Typical sheeple. You've been trained all of your life to just be a robot, and like a good non-thinking numb-skull you let your husband beat you, and then pretend like you don't know what to do. Humanity is pathetic. |
SowingSeeds User ID: 26861823 United States 11/11/2012 04:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | [link to endabusenow.webs.com] For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.Galatians 6:8 I believe that if this once great nation will fall on their knees and turn back to God,He will postpone the hellfire that is sure to reign down on us very soon.Prayer has Power. |
you can get out. User ID: 27501630 United States 11/11/2012 05:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You have to get out. Decide now that you will leave. Keep it a secret. Decide how to get yourself and your children out. Don't get hung up on perfect plans. You can take the kids to the library and just not return. If your house were burning you would just go. You may have to go like that. Any police station or hospital ER can refer you to a shelter. You may as well get as many miles away as you can, check in, get to a shelter, get some rest and figure it out from there. If you are out in the country without a car you may have to call the emergency number. Insist that they take you away. Get arrested if you have to. You'd rather have an arrest record than a broken jaw or back. There are women who are forever maimed because they didn't want to leave their stuff or their home. They would have let the stuff and home burn in a fire or wash out to sea in a storm but somehow when the danger was a man they had to "win". Nothing is worth your ability to walk or talk or use the toilet normally. Walk out with your body intact. Your mind and spirit will heal in time. Financially--you never know what's around the corner. Just get out. Then stay safe. Then live a good life. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27501646 New Zealand 11/11/2012 05:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 22342469 United States 11/11/2012 05:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yeah, clearly you shouldn't call one of the thousands of tax-supported womens' shelters that exist specifically for people like you, which will send the police over to pick you up and take the bastard to jail. The best course of action is just to keep taking the beatings that I am sure you so richly deserve. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27471655 United Kingdom 11/11/2012 05:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27471655 United Kingdom 11/11/2012 05:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27471655 United Kingdom 11/11/2012 06:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Luke 6:29 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27469373 "If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also." So be a good christian and stop nagging 'bout it! SHEESH! its the only way to stop it so says jesus. if someone hits you, you give them the other cheek to strike you tell them to strike it and you stand there brave waiting for it. showing no fear apparently is the only way to stop a bully. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27390779 United Kingdom 11/11/2012 07:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Nibibu Obungo User ID: 27510694 Germany 11/11/2012 07:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
pete User ID: 14749379 United States 11/11/2012 07:36 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26978752 United States 11/11/2012 07:37 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25009119 United States 11/11/2012 07:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 22318215 United States 11/11/2012 07:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Until you get it in your head that you are a FREE person, you'll stay with him. And he'll kill you, or maim you. I hope you arent trolling , cuz this isnt funny. Pack up the things you need while hes away at work NOW...dont call him..dont leave a trace of where you're going..and leave. There are shelters in your area..I know..Ive stayed in one, once. They helped me get an apartment on my own, and I went from there.. This is NOT a joke..get the hell out and dont look back. These kind of men will kill you. They've done it to plenty. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26296693 United States 11/11/2012 07:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're a moron... And I have proof..... You let your husband beat you like you're some kind of animal, who can't think for itself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23884908 Typical sheeple. You've been trained all of your life to just be a robot, and like a good non-thinking numb-skull you let your husband beat you, and then pretend like you don't know what to do. Humanity is pathetic. And you, obviously, aren't human. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26873869 United States 11/11/2012 07:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're a moron... And I have proof..... You let your husband beat you like you're some kind of animal, who can't think for itself. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23884908 Typical sheeple. You've been trained all of your life to just be a robot, and like a good non-thinking numb-skull you let your husband beat you, and then pretend like you don't know what to do. Humanity is pathetic. And you, obviously, aren't human. |