I was abducted by Jesus (or so I thought)

It's true. Many years ago, I was abducted by Jesus (or what I perceived to be Jesus), and held in quarantine while my soul was torn apart and examined. Within seconds it was ruled that I was not worthy and so it was decided that may live out my existence, and then would be snuffed out of existence forever at the end of it.

The quarantine lasted for several days though, during which I was unable to sleep, eat, or do anything else but pace in circles in a tiny barren space. Then, I was tuned in to the knowledge that the decision has been reversed, and I was scheduled to be consumed in fire within the hour.

I escaped. (I have no idea how). I came back to this realm and was found severely dehydrated and smoldering, in the middle of the street, in a strange place. I was hospitalized for 10 days, after which they could not find a single thing wrong with me other than the dehydration, and some detectible levels of radioactivity.

This is all I remember of the ordeal. To this day I don't really know what happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't Jesus. Some "thing" pretending to be Jesus... and there were two of them, discussing things amongst each other, and watching me... like a lab rat.

No drugs or alcohol involved. The authorities made certain of that.