how would you feel if say you where a happy teenager had family friends and the girl you loved and a good life then...

Got locked up never to see the light of day again.. 15 years of hard time later got out and in that time was locked up your entire family members had died in the most fucked up accidents 2 parents and 3 siblings and mind you they where a young family and healthy had just broken up with the girl you loved before going inside so she is long forgotten and irrelevent and all friends and relatives you used to know are mostly dead including best of friends dead or gone and also and now your just wondering around a dead unknown alternate future version of your city which you knew and loved growing up in but your in a whole new bizarre unknown world now and also do not have a cent to your name other than govenment pay check??? What would you do??? Would you have the strength or will to go on living??? Why am I here??? Have I not been through enough??? I dont have the strength to love again I am so traumatized by life I am totally numb and I know I am going to cross over soon cause I am not meant to be here much longer but iv forgotten all my memories due to extreme trauma and I havent had any dreams of my loved ones on the other side for so long I dont even know if anyone will remember me or be waiting at the gates for me to welcome me home a home I have long forgotten due to extreme suffering and torment and trauma experience while locked up all these years. I cant explain how I feel no one could relate.