My boyfriend admitted he can't cry, not about anything. | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 225769 United States 04/19/2007 11:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh yeah, He admits he has problems. He admits he might be wrong, or just confused, and says he's not sure if I will be patient enough to stick it out with him till he figures out what he wants to do. We tried breaking up, but I am the closest person to him in this state. We ended up together again. |
gooderboy User ID: 71630 United States 04/19/2007 11:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 209557 United States 04/19/2007 11:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Fool User ID: 221525 Canada 04/19/2007 11:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You either have to push him beyond his limits, or hope in time he'll do it by himself I would assume that since he's 30, he won't do it by himself, he has found his safe zone But the risk of you pushing him is that he might reject you completely and that ends your relationship If you really want him, you're going to have to make him open up, you saw his photos, but did you make him talk about it? Presumably it's all being bottled up inside, so of course it will come out some way, perhaps it will be anger as that is what he knows, but you'll have to fight through that It will be messy and like hell, so it's up to you, do you really love him or not ... most people turn around from situations like this because it will not be easy and it will not happen quickly |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 225750 United States 04/19/2007 11:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 221144 Australia 04/19/2007 11:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I tend to cry easily, usually over movies. He thinks it's 'cute'. When I get angry I yell and cry until it hurts. I cried a lot when we were broken up, pretty much every day. But I hid it from him. He only saw me cry seriously(not at a movie)2 times: Once when I had my bunny put down, and next over him, he stopped me when I started beating myself up about it, and saying I should have known better. He blamed my mother for tearing into my faith as a child. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74029 United States 04/19/2007 11:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 207603 United States 04/19/2007 11:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Does it make me shallow if I believe that you can only blame your inability to get over something for holding you back for so long? I myself am bitter as I get older at how shallow people seem to be, both men and women alike. How everybody seems to accept shallow 'hookups' as an acceptable alternative for real loving contact. ow everybody expects perfection from a mate, when they themselves aren't perfect. It should be anough that you have a lot in common and can carry on good conversation. That you have decent sex even two years later, but recently he has been having problems with that(goes limp, and is paranoid about me getting pregnant even though I am on the pill and even if I wansn't I time my cycles and can feel that egg coming out). Apperently his brother does too(he brought it up one evening). I can accept all these things. He seems so smart, like he should be able to conquer his fears. |
Prof. Van Engledorfer User ID: 225769 United States 04/19/2007 11:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
op (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | He says he is scared of ending up like his dad who got married 5 times. What is eerie is that even strangers always comment on what a beautiful couple we are. It just adds to the pressure. We agreed that when he moves in a year or so, I might travel with him to try to start over in another place. That is, of course, if we are still dating at that point. What is weird is he says he thinks of me evry day when he is at work, and he really cares abou me, that I am different from the other girls, with a better head on my shoulders and lots of talent. He has even said hat maybe he's not good enough for me. |
PitViper User ID: 219427 United States 04/19/2007 11:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | RUN, RUN FAR AWAY! Scor~Pios -AKA- Pit Viper 'When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; When the government fears the people, there is liberty.' Thomas Jefferson Never underestimate the stupidity of the American people. "It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds." - Samuel Adams |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 216270 United States 04/19/2007 11:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:24 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I have to get my degree before I can have a child. I am in college right now. I will be 29 next month. I lost my autowoker job, and have become a massage therapist. I am in school to try and get a graphic design job, which is actually what he does, but it is also something I have a great talent for. He told me he feels inadequate around me even though he has a great job doing something I would love to do. He says my artwork is way better than his and he feels like I just tell him his is nice. But I am not a faker when someone asks me if I like something. He says he feels intimidated whenever I talk about alternative medicine, and politics... I mean I have my faults too, but so does everyboy to a point. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 60359 United States 04/19/2007 11:24 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Everybody has issues. Not crying, by itself, is probably not a super big deal or issue. It could easily be a sign of an emotionally hard early childhood and a person, boys especially, can just make a deep decision not to cry anymore because it doesn't do any good and they don't want to give other people the satisfaction of knowing they have hurt you. Also, it is very possible that he can learn to cry again, little by little, as joys and sorrows touch his heart deeply. That could be expected for more or less normal people. If he is really abnormal, then I don't know. However, that a different question than getting married. It sounds like he has a lot of issues to work out and being married to him would be a lot of problems... But marriage is always a lot of problems no matter what... If it's not one thing going wrong then it's something else. The list of potential problems is endless (health, financial, emotional, relatives, kid problems, etc), and you can not predict what your fate may be. Also, you might somehow be attracted to these kind of men. I've heard it said that females are attracted to men like their fathers. The next man you fall for might have similar probs. |
op (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If I was attracted to a man like my father, that would be great, we would be married with child by now, and well off. I had a hard childhood, but my dad was there for me. He did what he needed to do to take care of my sister and I. He was very patient with my mom, and I almost wish he would have left her. She certainly deserved it. My mom was the one who abused me(hitting and verbal berating). |
SpectrumBlue User ID: 181546 United States 04/19/2007 11:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You try to swim in this shit you'll drown. Get out of this and get out of it now. The only person who CAN help him is hisself, if he chooses to. I've been in relationships similar to that one. I had to bail before it dragged me down. Dreams will begin as they fade into chaos. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So is that normal considering he was abused? I am willing to try to hang in there. I have a lot of other things to work on and stay busy with in the meantime. Getting married is not something I am pressuring him about. We are just monogamous right now, but not living together or married. I was surprised he was interested in me because I am not compulsively clean like him, but I adpted well to his habits. It is kind of a positive influence on me. He admitted he has been told by psych. that he had abandonment issues. Having gone to massage therapy school, I know that holding your tears in and supressing emotions is dangerous. Anger is the least healthy expression of emotion. Emotion needs to be expresed. If it doesn't kill you it can result in others getting hurt too. Anger will kill you too. I worry about him because one day he may get angry about something and have aheart attack. When he was stressed recently he was having problems with "headrushes" and pains. Normally he is pretty stoic. One time he was really angry about a parking situation, and I finally snapped(rare for me) and started yelling and hitting the dash. He did a creepy 180 and went from being smoldering to laughing at me. He aid he thought it was 'cute' when I expresssed my anger. Other people were looking at me like 'ok, lady,' because I was mad hat we waited so long(he wasn't agressive), to get a space, when people kept taking their kids to the car to change their diaper and have a snack and put their kids back in the stroller to return to the zoo, thusly wasting 1/2 hour or more of our time just trying to park at the zoo. |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OP (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/19/2007 11:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The healthy expression of emotion seems to elude most people today. They are either freaking spoiled and over emotional, or unable to express it until it explodes. Also nobody has any patience. Sorry for venting.. I also disagree with how it has become 'vogue' to be emotionally unavailable to everybody. Maybe I am weak for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Does anybody appreciate honesty anymore? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 159906 United States 04/19/2007 11:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | tape two cut onions to his eye sockets, grab his nut sack from behind and stretch it to the top of his happy happ joy joy, and have someone else pop his scrotum with a large rubber band...he'll be crying like a baby in no time. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 216270There should be some kind of IQ test to pass before a person can post on GLP. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 159906 United States 04/19/2007 11:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The healthy expression of emotion seems to elude most people today. Quoting: OP 176490They are either freaking spoiled and over emotional, or unable to express it until it explodes. Also nobody has any patience. Sorry for venting.. I also disagree with how it has become 'vogue' to be emotionally unavailable to everybody. Maybe I am weak for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Does anybody appreciate honesty anymore? OP, what is is. Your boyfriend is unable to deal with his emotions, and you wear yours on your sleeve. It's not a good match. He will destroy you. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 225769 United States 04/19/2007 11:58 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 225793 United States 04/20/2007 12:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Don't worry opie, you can change him. Sure, no one else has ever been able to change a truly screwed up person from the outside before, but you are so special, so loving, such a caring person that you will be able to do it! Through some sort of alchemy only a special and caring person like you could work on an emotional piece of lead you'll be able to transform him into solid gold. Stick with him! Don't let it bother you that he may not even want to change into the vision you have for him, just work your magic. And when it wrecks your life, blame him! You'll have your excuse at the ready... |
op (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/20/2007 12:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm not stupid, I know I can't change him! It wont ruin my life if he doesn't. I am not in desperate immediate need of marriage or children. I still got some time... geeze. But you are right, for some reason I seem to attrat these 'boys' that are emotionally stunted. What is strange is how so many people are comtent to complain they can't find a decent mate after they dump a true blue responsible healthy girl like me, then they are happy and content to imediately settle down with the first alcoholic overweight low iq, cheating bitcher and moaner that comes along, because why? Because they were raised in a dysfunctional family to think that dysfunction is to be expected. Then they have children and wonder why their children are more f-ed up than them! It is bullshit that marriage is always bad, I know a few people who have been very fortunate. Theyw ere also deep people and capable of loving themslves, and communicating and being deep with others. A lot of people don't understand that the basic requirement to have a good marriage is to be best friends! |
op (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/20/2007 12:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Some people panic and want out when there isn''t enough drama! I never will understand that one. I hate drama and have had too much. I hate playing hard to get games, too. What is funnny is that is what works with him. When I stay distant he is like bees on honey to me. |
op (OP) User ID: 176490 United States 04/20/2007 12:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | There is nothing wrong with having emotions, or wanting to not be single your whole life. A little baggage is ok. It's not like he is berating me, or beating me, or even cheating one me. I have no respect for cheaters. You cheat on me, I go bye bye. I don't do it to anybody.I expect the same in return. I will be honest, I was pretty wild as a teenager, and I got over it. I am happy I didn't get any diseases, and honestly, I have been cheated on one too many times. The thought of having sex with another man, even in a fantasyland just doesn't do anything for me when I am i a close relationship with someone. Shouldn't that have some value to my potential mates? Are there any decent men who are monogamous? |