| Users Online Now: 1,507 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 496,398 | |
| Pageviews Today: 637,435 | Threads Today: 188 | Posts Today: 2,237 |
| 05:37 AM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,507 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 496,398 | |
| Pageviews Today: 637,435 | Threads Today: 188 | Posts Today: 2,237 |
| 05:37 AM | ||
What do you do if you think someone is being abused? | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76222692  United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
the deplorable ar-15 nut  User ID: 75500784  United States02/09/2018 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 76222692 United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:10 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| the deplorable ar-15 nut User ID: 75500784 United States02/09/2018 10:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| HollyWho User ID: 72944958 United States02/09/2018 10:15 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Control and dominance over another person is ugly. She is afraid and deserves live without fear. Let me think on this for awhile and get back to you. How much effort are you willing to personally commit to in order to keep her and the kids safe? I wish she would open up to your wife, but they brainwash the victim into believing they are all powerful. He's a bully of the worst sort. |
| MzHa21 User ID: 75865682 United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:19 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | is there anyway that you can have her children over at your house on day/evening? the truth is spoken out of the mouths of babes... if you can get them to tell you what is happening when he is there, but don't ask leading questions... i just wished i had a friend that noticed the signs quicker with me before i got hurt! i make it my mission to help others out of this crappy situation now. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 76222692 United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Control and dominance over another person is ugly. She is afraid and deserves live without fear. Let me think on this for awhile and get back to you. Quoting: HollyWho How much effort are you willing to personally commit to in order to keep her and the kids safe? I wish she would open up to your wife, but they brainwash the victim into believing they are all powerful. He's a bully of the worst sort. That's the reason why I am not certain it's on us to do anything, because she has not come out and said to my wife he's abusing her so we're really just guessing, but you can tell in the mannerisms of the woman. She always looks scared and whenever he comes there she begs my wife to stay out an hour longer or whatever until it's time to pick up the kids because she can't bear going back to the house while he's there. I have seen the way he talks to her in public and stuff too. I come from a mother that was abused by my dad and I can recognize most of these things. My wife is certain he is physically attacking her but still keeps begging her for another child. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 76222692 United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | This seems like a really difficult situation OP, on one hand you feel you are morally obligated to get help for her but on the other if you did intervene you run the risk of her falling out with your wife and loosing her to the "control freak" for good. Quoting: MzHa21 is there anyway that you can have her children over at your house on day/evening? the truth is spoken out of the mouths of babes... if you can get them to tell you what is happening when he is there, but don't ask leading questions... i just wished i had a friend that noticed the signs quicker with me before i got hurt! i make it my mission to help others out of this crappy situation now. The kids do come here sometimes to play with ours but they don't say much really. They don't talk to adults all that much. Very quiet |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76225278 United States02/09/2018 10:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| HollyWho User ID: 72944958 United States02/09/2018 10:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Control and dominance over another person is ugly. She is afraid and deserves live without fear. Let me think on this for awhile and get back to you. Quoting: HollyWho How much effort are you willing to personally commit to in order to keep her and the kids safe? I wish she would open up to your wife, but they brainwash the victim into believing they are all powerful. He's a bully of the worst sort. That's the reason why I am not certain it's on us to do anything, because she has not come out and said to my wife he's abusing her so we're really just guessing, but you can tell in the mannerisms of the woman. She always looks scared and whenever he comes there she begs my wife to stay out an hour longer or whatever until it's time to pick up the kids because she can't bear going back to the house while he's there. I have seen the way he talks to her in public and stuff too. I come from a mother that was abused by my dad and I can recognize most of these things. My wife is certain he is physically attacking her but still keeps begging her for another child. Abusers like to extent their control as far as possible. If she's pregnant or has another baby he will have that much more power over her. Sometimes, a woman feels totally helpless (as it sounds like in your scenario). He many be threatening to harm the kids, kill her or, her extended family. Let her know you're there for her, you'll help in any way you can, but until she makes the decision to leave, your hands are tied. Have you ever seen physical bruises or anything that would have you suspecting physical abuse? I don't want to minimize the impact of mental abuse, because it can be every bit as damaging as physical abuse, but she won't die from a blow of hatred or anger. Verbal abuse is a slow death of the soul and very painful and debilitating. Does she have an income or, does she rely on him for financial support? |
| HollyWho User ID: 72944958 United States02/09/2018 10:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | This seems like a really difficult situation OP, on one hand you feel you are morally obligated to get help for her but on the other if you did intervene you run the risk of her falling out with your wife and loosing her to the "control freak" for good. Quoting: MzHa21 is there anyway that you can have her children over at your house on day/evening? the truth is spoken out of the mouths of babes... if you can get them to tell you what is happening when he is there, but don't ask leading questions... i just wished i had a friend that noticed the signs quicker with me before i got hurt! i make it my mission to help others out of this crappy situation now. ^^^that too^^^ |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 70521541 United States02/09/2018 10:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My wife's friend has 2 kids with a guy (ex-alcoholic) but is not really with him anymore. The guy still comes to her house 3-4 times a week and sits in her front room in complete silence drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. When the kids come home from school he does not communicate with them and snaps and screams at them for any small thing. The kids seem terrified of him. My wife said even when they play he goes mental at them and tells them to just sit there quietly and not move. He keeps asking her to get back together and have another baby but she told my wife there's no way she's doing that and she almost died when she found out she was pregnant by him the second time. She says there's no way she's having another with him and she is not getting back together with him. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76222692 Anyway, the woman seems terrified of him. The guy is small and old looking but he clearly has control over the woman. She is not together with him anymore but she still has to have permission to go to lunch or to the pub with my wife. The man will not even let her have even any internet access in their home. It's not his home it's hers but he won't allow her internet even though the kids need it for school. She is not allowed to store anyone elses numbers in her phone besides his and necessary numbers like the school, doctors, etc. Even my wifes number is not allowed to be saved. The woman has an old style phone not a smart phone (not necessarily a bad thing but my wife said he won't allow her to have a smart phone or any social media) My wife is convinced he is beating her and keeps going on about it but i have said it's really none of our business and they are not together anymore anyway. He still comes because they are his kids. The woman seems incredibly scared though. My dad beat my mom regularly and this woman conveys the same sort of characteristics of an abused woman. Should i let my wife intervene and get her help or what? Seriously, your wife has to have your permission to do what is right? Sounds like she has her own issues with controlling men. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 75147420 United States02/09/2018 10:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My wife's friend has 2 kids with a guy (ex-alcoholic) but is not really with him anymore. The guy still comes to her house 3-4 times a week and sits in her front room in complete silence drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. When the kids come home from school he does not communicate with them and snaps and screams at them for any small thing. The kids seem terrified of him. My wife said even when they play he goes mental at them and tells them to just sit there quietly and not move. He keeps asking her to get back together and have another baby but she told my wife there's no way she's doing that and she almost died when she found out she was pregnant by him the second time. She says there's no way she's having another with him and she is not getting back together with him. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76222692 Anyway, the woman seems terrified of him. The guy is small and old looking but he clearly has control over the woman. She is not together with him anymore but she still has to have permission to go to lunch or to the pub with my wife. The man will not even let her have even any internet access in their home. It's not his home it's hers but he won't allow her internet even though the kids need it for school. She is not allowed to store anyone elses numbers in her phone besides his and necessary numbers like the school, doctors, etc. Even my wifes number is not allowed to be saved. The woman has an old style phone not a smart phone (not necessarily a bad thing but my wife said he won't allow her to have a smart phone or any social media) My wife is convinced he is beating her and keeps going on about it but i have said it's really none of our business and they are not together anymore anyway. He still comes because they are his kids. The woman seems incredibly scared though. My dad beat my mom regularly and this woman conveys the same sort of characteristics of an abused woman. Should i let my wife intervene and get her help or what? Well, if he kills her how would you feel? |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 76222692 United Kingdom02/09/2018 10:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Control and dominance over another person is ugly. She is afraid and deserves live without fear. Let me think on this for awhile and get back to you. Quoting: HollyWho How much effort are you willing to personally commit to in order to keep her and the kids safe? I wish she would open up to your wife, but they brainwash the victim into believing they are all powerful. He's a bully of the worst sort. That's the reason why I am not certain it's on us to do anything, because she has not come out and said to my wife he's abusing her so we're really just guessing, but you can tell in the mannerisms of the woman. She always looks scared and whenever he comes there she begs my wife to stay out an hour longer or whatever until it's time to pick up the kids because she can't bear going back to the house while he's there. I have seen the way he talks to her in public and stuff too. I come from a mother that was abused by my dad and I can recognize most of these things. My wife is certain he is physically attacking her but still keeps begging her for another child. Abusers like to extent their control as far as possible. If she's pregnant or has another baby he will have that much more power over her. Sometimes, a woman feels totally helpless (as it sounds like in your scenario). He many be threatening to harm the kids, kill her or, her extended family. Let her know you're there for her, you'll help in any way you can, but until she makes the decision to leave, your hands are tied. Have you ever seen physical bruises or anything that would have you suspecting physical abuse? I don't want to minimize the impact of mental abuse, because it can be every bit as damaging as physical abuse, but she won't die from a blow of hatred or anger. Verbal abuse is a slow death of the soul and very painful and debilitating. Does she have an income or, does she rely on him for financial support? She gets benefits for the kids. He has his own job/income and own apartment. |
| HollyWho User ID: 72944958 United States02/09/2018 10:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Raisty User ID: 74129049 United States02/09/2018 11:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Contact the police and let them know. If she is renting contact the landlord and let them know that this guy is coming around and he is not wanted. If he's not on the lease and she doesn't want him there he is trespassing. Since she has children make sure the school's also know that he isn't to pick up the kids. If he is hurting her get her and the children to the police. They can get her in contact with people who will help her. She needs to do it for her kids so they can see how people are supposed to behave and not be in fear. Last Edited by Raisty on 02/09/2018 11:08 AM |
| Aethyra User ID: 75543285 United States02/09/2018 11:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Regretfully, this man likely has Narcissistic Perdonailty Disorder. This is not exactly safe for your wife to be involved in remedying this woman's life choices. This woman (victim) is clearly being oppressed and isolated from the outside world by this man. Those are all calculated moves by the NPD. His totalitarian control is so prevalent and encompassing, that if your wife gets too involved, he will find out; Possible and likely Retaliation would certainly occur. Victim needs to study the NPD personality and understand it fully if they remain in the relationship.NPD cannot be cured, regretfully. If one stays with these personality types, you have to adapt so as not to push their many buttons. It is about toleration and adaption. This is a restrictive way to live that drains the vitality and strength of the adaptor, incidentally. It is imperative that the victim understand this, as her life could be on the line at some point. Your wife cannot be the one to tell her these things directly. But maybe she can lead the horse to drink, if she is bold and strong enough to weather any potential storm in getting involved, even passively. There are support groups online and some good e-books on this subject. Miss Cleo has valuable insight on NPD and she is a registered user here. She can guide you to online resources that can really help this woman. His issues could be even more far reaching than the NPD (additional personality disorders may be present) and if so, these people are highly dangerous and do not feel remorse or guilt and react impulsively without consideration for consequences. I am not impmying that he is in fact dangerous, as I have never met the man, but why take that chance with your wife? Tread very carefully, if at all. Thank God this woman does not live with this man. There are definitely reasons for that. Last Edited by Aethyra on 02/09/2018 11:50 AM |
| FHL(C) User ID: 76129972  China02/09/2018 11:49 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Thread: "We dance with the skulls in the church" MODERATED. UPDATED WITH CURRENT PAEDOPHILE ISSUES//LINKS P268. (Page 154) Go to GFG prayer thread as well YAHshua the sound of His Name in English, YAH is short form of YHVH, Bible.PRAYERBOOK.Praisebook DOWNLOADs [link to www.docdroid.net (secure)] [link to pdfhost.io (secure)] [link to www.docdroid.net (secure)] |
| Something Strange in the Air User ID: 72947403 United States02/09/2018 12:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 72626591 United States02/09/2018 12:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You keeping saying "They are not together" but the man is at her house nearly every day. The woman needs permission from him to do things, ect. He's the father of her children. They ARE together OP, isn't that obvious? The woman is just spinning it with her friends because she wants too whore around. He's probably so controlling because she fucked him over already before. I don't know what advice too give, but it's pretty apparent they are in fact together... |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 72626591 United States02/09/2018 01:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68463675 United States02/09/2018 01:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 50340457 United Kingdom02/09/2018 01:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46323131 United States02/09/2018 01:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76229635 United Kingdom02/09/2018 01:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71433356 United States02/09/2018 03:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76156920 United States02/09/2018 03:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76216937 United States02/09/2018 03:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My wife's friend has 2 kids with a guy (ex-alcoholic) but is not really with him anymore. The guy still comes to her house 3-4 times a week and sits in her front room in complete silence drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. When the kids come home from school he does not communicate with them and snaps and screams at them for any small thing. The kids seem terrified of him. My wife said even when they play he goes mental at them and tells them to just sit there quietly and not move. He keeps asking her to get back together and have another baby but she told my wife there's no way she's doing that and she almost died when she found out she was pregnant by him the second time. She says there's no way she's having another with him and she is not getting back together with him. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76222692 Anyway, the woman seems terrified of him. The guy is small and old looking but he clearly has control over the woman. She is not together with him anymore but she still has to have permission to go to lunch or to the pub with my wife. The man will not even let her have even any internet access in their home. It's not his home it's hers but he won't allow her internet even though the kids need it for school. She is not allowed to store anyone elses numbers in her phone besides his and necessary numbers like the school, doctors, etc. Even my wifes number is not allowed to be saved. The woman has an old style phone not a smart phone (not necessarily a bad thing but my wife said he won't allow her to have a smart phone or any social media) My wife is convinced he is beating her and keeps going on about it but i have said it's really none of our business and they are not together anymore anyway. He still comes because they are his kids. The woman seems incredibly scared though. My dad beat my mom regularly and this woman conveys the same sort of characteristics of an abused woman. Should i let my wife intervene and get her help or what? Seriously, your wife has to have your permission to do what is right? Sounds like she has her own issues with controlling men.  |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 76227366  Turkey02/09/2018 03:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| jpop User ID: 75469264 United States02/09/2018 03:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Report the abuse. The man isn't sober, he's what they call a dry drunk. He still has all the nasty, blaming, narcisistic personality defects of a drunk, he just isn't drinking. Finally, the woman is also at fault for not protecting her children. She could EASILY get rid of him. If she won't protect her own children, then maybe they shouldn't be with either of them. In my mind, it's either do nothing and stay with him or her children. She needs to DECIDE now or the decision should be taken out of her hands and given to an adult who is capable of being a parent. |
| Irredeemable Living in a dream User ID: 76155705 United States02/09/2018 03:57 PM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
