George Noory | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 79457126 United States 10/06/2020 02:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 79457126 United States 10/06/2020 03:19 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | George flies over to Israel to be baptized in the Jordan River, like Jesus was. He goes with a Christian group, whose pastor George sits next to on the 16-hour flight. On the day of the baptisms, all the people dress in white robes to symbolize purity. It’s a joyous occasion. They line the shore and — one by one — enter the river waist-deep where the pastor is waiting to baptize them. The pastor places a hand on each person’s head and gently pushes them down underwater. They arise from the waters in a second or two baptized, rejuvenated, and symbolically closer to God than ever. It’s George’s turn. George walks down the riverbank, steps into the river waist-deep next to the awaiting pastor, and awaits this most sacred of rituals. The pastor solemnly says, “In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, I hereby baptize you in this most beautiful faith,” as he places his hand on George’s head and George disappears beneath the water’s surface. After about 10 seconds, the line of people still waiting to be baptized on the riverbank begins to stir. Why is this taking so long? Why hasn’t George surfaced? It then becomes apparent from the pastor’s red face, maniacal grin, and bulging neck veins that he is forcibly holding George underwater. Several men waiting on shore rush into the river and tackle the pastor. A breathless George pops up from the depths gasping for air. “Why, pastor? Why?!” asks someone. The pastor — seemingly in some sort of schizophrenic episode, or demonic possession — is laughing maniacally and tossing his head around, as he’s restrained by several men. He mumbles something in Latin, followed by an unintelligible language, then spouts, “I had to sit next to this absolute buffoon for 16 hours on a plane flight yesterday as his captive audience! I’ve never met a more idiotic, naive imbecile in my life! And he wouldn’t shut up! On and on and on!!! I couldn’t take it!!! Calgon, take me away!!!” As the pastor is frog-marched to a waiting police car, a befuddled George looks on at the proceedings and mutters, “Uncanny.” |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 52080437 Canada 10/06/2020 07:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The secret life of groceries, George? Yeah, I bet there are a few cucumbers you’ve purchased that have quite a story to tell. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 79457126 Like the time George had Tommy pick up that gallon jug of Astroglide. George had been experimenting with edging and requested Tommy use a zucchini wrapped in foil (for the bumps he said) on George’s butt. Well Tommy finally hit George’s G spot and that foil wrapped zucchini shot out of George’s ass and across St. Louis prompting several UFO reports of a silver cigar shaped space ship. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 77119396 United States 10/06/2020 08:26 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: pool Noory's eye balls fall out of his head and roll across the basket ball court, expanding as they travel. As the eye balls can still see, the camera begins to rotate with the vision of loose eyeballs. The camera is imbed in the pov of the eyes. The eyes expand to basketball sze, and get dribbled down court for a shot. The basketball sees noory and falles into a gaze of the tea cup. The game is over and Noory's eyes become functioning in their sockets again. That was Stephen King-ish. 5*!! Could you see what the basketball saw? That is the new feature to elevate NBA. That’d be interesting. I like the out-of-the-box thinking. Cross between Eraserhead and Beetlejuice. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 77562456 United States 10/07/2020 12:14 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The secret life of groceries, George? Yeah, I bet there are a few cucumbers you’ve purchased that have quite a story to tell. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 79457126 Like the time George had Tommy pick up that gallon jug of Astroglide. George had been experimenting with edging and requested Tommy use a zucchini wrapped in foil (for the bumps he said) on George’s butt. Well Tommy finally hit George’s G spot and that foil wrapped zucchini shot out of George’s ass and across St. Louis prompting several UFO reports of a silver cigar shaped space ship. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahHaha |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 76740122 United States 10/07/2020 09:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78108511 Alex Lifeson = Harrison Ford Geddy Lee = a Guuish Steve Perry |
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