George Noory

Guest just said, “I spent some time in Thailand...”

(RED ALERT! RED ALERT!)

FBI now triangulating on his location.

George flies over to Israel to be baptized in the Jordan River, like Jesus was. He goes with a Christian group, whose pastor George sits next to on the 16-hour flight.

On the day of the baptisms, all the people dress in white robes to symbolize purity. It’s a joyous occasion. They line the shore and — one by one — enter the river waist-deep where the pastor is waiting to baptize them. The pastor places a hand on each person’s head and gently pushes them down underwater. They arise from the waters in a second or two baptized, rejuvenated, and symbolically closer to God than ever.

It’s George’s turn. George walks down the riverbank, steps into the river waist-deep next to the awaiting pastor, and awaits this most sacred of rituals.

The pastor solemnly says, “In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, I hereby baptize you in this most beautiful faith,” as he places his hand on George’s head and George disappears beneath the water’s surface.

After about 10 seconds, the line of people still waiting to be baptized on the riverbank begins to stir. Why is this taking so long? Why hasn’t George surfaced?

It then becomes apparent from the pastor’s red face, maniacal grin, and bulging neck veins that he is forcibly holding George underwater.

Several men waiting on shore rush into the river and tackle the pastor.

A breathless George pops up from the depths gasping for air.

“Why, pastor? Why?!” asks someone.

The pastor — seemingly in some sort of schizophrenic episode, or demonic possession — is laughing maniacally and tossing his head around, as he’s restrained by several men.

He mumbles something in Latin, followed by an unintelligible language, then spouts, “I had to sit next to this absolute buffoon for 16 hours on a plane flight yesterday as his captive audience! I’ve never met a more idiotic, naive imbecile in my life! And he wouldn’t shut up! On and on and on!!! I couldn’t take it!!! Calgon, take me away!!!”

As the pastor is frog-marched to a waiting police car, a befuddled George looks on at the proceedings and mutters, “Uncanny.”

“Yankee bean, Yankee bean,

George likes his Yan-kee bean...”

George runs roughshod over Tommy’s taint.

Art lived longer then Neil Peart and Edward Van Halen. Aint that some shit.

Like the time George had Tommy pick up that gallon jug of Astroglide.
George had been experimenting with edging and requested Tommy use a zucchini wrapped in foil (for the bumps he said) on George’s butt.
Well Tommy finally hit George’s G spot and that foil wrapped zucchini shot out of George’s ass and across St. Louis prompting several UFO reports of a silver cigar shaped space ship.

Cross between Eraserhead and Beetlejuice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH​AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahHaha

EeewW Jeez Oh Geezz lol hahah remember reading this in an ol' fuckbook lol

Neil looked like a cross between Tom Hanks and Kevin Spacey...

[link to etcanada.com (secure)]

Alex Lifeson = Harrison Ford

Geddy Lee = a Guuish Steve Perry

George played bass in high school.

Oops, typo. Disregard the “b”.

You mean it took you this long to get Snoory figured out...lol

I was planning on the eyeballs becoming space ships. Now it's all ruined.

1,001 ratings. Almost fully 5*

Steve Perry looks like a Portugeuse Buck Dharma .

I just started 5 pages ago.....

And Buck Dharma is a cross between Jeff Lynne and Eric Clapton.

Some of the bumper music George picks is horrendous.

Most is, ya. Art’s was the best; particularly for the type of show, the hour, and the mood.

Art had a torrid, on-again-off-again affair with Yoda in the mid-80s.

Art once said it was like dating a giant scrotum.

How-hard Bloomers vs. John Coitus debate tonight.

George says, “We call it: ‘Two Go In, One Comes Out’”.

Oddly enough, that’s how George describes ass play with gerbils.

lol hahahahahah

TRUMP: This movement is like nothing anyone’s ever seen before!

GEORGE (to Tommy): Why does the President keep talking about his bathroom habits?

The Trumpster is gonna host Limpballs’ show coming up in a couple minutes.