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Mom is dying

 
graff2

User ID: 75758325
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10/10/2018 04:17 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
try and give her a ton of turmeric w/ black pepper extract..if she can drink


You are fortified for this. Your comfort is all she seeks
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Electronic Scribe
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User ID: 72630093
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10/10/2018 04:36 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Op is this the account your Mom used?

Does her name begin with an L?

I'm so sorry either way. If it is L's account this really hits home a bit. Feel free to PM me if answering in the Forum is not cool with you. I'm going to stop and pray for her right now.

Blessings...
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BrianMcFry  (OP)

User ID: 74612202
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10/10/2018 04:44 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


You have to be strong. The body dies, her conscious soul remains forever. This has been meant for you to believe this. We are in Special times. Ask the creator for help and you will get it. I don't write this to you because I "believe", I know.

Blessings for all the family.
 Quoting: Aeon 5 Whoaa!


I know too, but I refuse to pray, or seek God, or ask Jesus for help. The spirit knows my pain, and if necessary, he will intercede on our behalf. I've been feeding the beast over the last several months, and this just compounds that negativity. Its difficult for me to kneel before the almighty god, and beckon his hand. My shame is too great, my pain too fresh. But what is my pain compared to his, who is long suffering? I was just thinking this morning how I don't want any of his blessings, how i don't want his kingdom... But that could just be this circumstance and the depression that follows it.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry



Look, you are NOT supposed to be making any big decisions when in such a difficult position....none of the least being whether or not you believe in God, or want his blessings. You and your family are going to need all the blessings you can get.

This isn't really a time for blame or shame or anything beyond helping your mom pass, whether she was an alcoholic or not.

Forgive and forget for the time she has left. I do think you will like yourself better when your older if you do.

There will always be time to work through all the feelings you're going to have. You do not need to do that now.

Holding your mom's hand is all that's needed from you now, lovey.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


Word.
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BrianMcFry  (OP)

User ID: 74612202
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10/10/2018 04:48 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Thank 'yall for the support; I hurt with her. It hurts to see her struggling, she doesn't have long to live. The cancer has infected her liver, the kidneys, and her spine. Her breast cancer had a resurgence, and she refused to get help the past few weeks/months. It wasn't until she was seriously ill that she made it to the hospital. Thankfully she did, so that we can have these precious, last few moments to share. The memories hurt, the good and the bad, it all hurts and comes in waves. We only just found out yesterday, and because I am her closest living relative, it was put on me to make the choice. It is the right choice.

She has a history of alcohol abuse, and I am sure that it has contributed greatly to the condition she is in now. She has had multiple warnings in the past with hospital visits, and now the time has finally come. I feel a certain amount of guilt, but I shouldn't. It was the choices she made, not mine. I just wish this was all a dream, but its not.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


This is not in any way your fault. Don't allow yourself to go down that road.

That said, I know alcohol abuse didn't help her in any way, but when you're dealing with metastatic cancer, she likely would have had this happen whether she was drinking or not. Some things are just unavoidable.

Even so, I understand your guilt. I felt it when my dad died. I was constantly asking myself if there was anything I could have done differently. I think it's probably normal to have these thoughts. Just don't let it overwhelm you.
 Quoting: Only Me


Thank you. I just wish we would've had more moments with her. Before this was nothing but drama, and confrontation. She moved away from us with a less than reputable man, and it has caused much strife in our already turbulent family. I wish we couldve sat down and had a meal, just us, like we used to have before the divorce, the foreclosure, and the collapse.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry



Past is past. What has been done cannot be changed. You have right now. That's where we are. Use right now to show your love to your mom. Use right now to be with her. Use right now to see her for what she is, a beautiful flawed human who loves you, regardless of things she has said or done in the past.

I'm a mother, so I know she wouldn't want you to be unhappy, especially if it was because of something she did. You should reassure her, and yourself, that your happiness is your choice and your responsibility, not hers, and that you don't hold her accountable for your happiness.

We all have good and bad memories with our families. Choose to dwell on the good. Choose to create as much good as you can right now.
 Quoting: Only Me


You're right, and I will do as you've suggested. Thank you
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BrianMcFry  (OP)

User ID: 74612202
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10/10/2018 04:48 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Double post

Last Edited by BrianMcFry on 10/10/2018 04:48 PM
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Anonymous Girl

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10/10/2018 04:53 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
red_heart

I'm never good with words because I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a parent.

I send you love and prayers. :(
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." ~Dreams for an Insomniac

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joeym

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10/10/2018 04:53 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
I have been in your shoes twice..having to make the decision to put them under hospice care for their final days. There is really no comfort to offer because the loss of a parent is terrible. However, hospice is amazingly good dealing with both your parent's pain issues and with the family as a whole. I won't sugarcoat it, the death of a parent is something you never "get over." But, you do find a way to adapt to the new reality and you go on. As time passes, the months of sickness will recede from your memory and only pop up on rare occasions. You will be left with your Mom's memory, her wisdom and her love. That's what sustained me during my darkest time. Have faith that, although your world is now shattered, that you will be ok and your mom will be ok. Let her know that you don't want to hold her back from her journey. Giving a sick parent permission to let go frees them from holding on, at all costs, for the family. Let her know you will be ok. And, in time, you will be ok.
GryffindorHouse

User ID: 2297923
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10/10/2018 04:57 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


hugs and prayers for you and your family at this difficult time
Mkitrik

User ID: 76268277
Denmark
10/10/2018 05:02 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry

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Endless changing moniker is static.
Asmodée

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10/10/2018 05:11 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
She has a history of alcohol abuse, and I am sure that it has contributed greatly to the condition she is in now. She has had multiple warnings in the past with hospital visits, and now the time has finally come. I feel a certain amount of guilt, but I shouldn't. It was the choices she made, not mine. I just wish this was all a dream, but its not.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


The guilt and blame lie entirely with the medical establishment and its approach to addiction.

While the difference between drinking and not drinking is startling, drinking may be a symptom, not a cause.

A good friend of my family is in hospice now. His brother drank and died in his early 60s. He didn't and is now dying in his late 90s.

But, without any options for self medication that aren't as toxic as alcohol (like Marijuana), what can people who suffer do? Learn not to suffer. That hasn't been successful yet. Blame the victim? We don't even know how cancer in the early stages can affect people emotionally


[link to www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov (secure)]
[link to scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org (secure)]

"Cancer cells might actively release chemicals that can affect our mood, and make us more likely to be depressed"

She could've been self medicating the depression which was being caused by cancerous changes all along. Stopping drinking could've slowed it down. But not stopped her mood issues. Please don't feel guilt, this stuff is so complicated. And so very hard to watch, with little effective support.

Last Edited by Asmodée on 10/10/2018 05:15 PM
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Adirondack spruce

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10/10/2018 05:17 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
That's tough man.
Went through the same myself

hf
Adirondack spruce
NOLAangel

User ID: 75938423
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10/10/2018 05:23 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Prayers going up for you.
hugs3
Put God as the head of your life and everything else will work out.
NikM755

User ID: 71632887
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10/10/2018 05:27 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


My mother died of cancer. DO NOT FORGET TO ASK TO TO MAKE A WILL! Your family may not give a shit what her will is.
SilverPatriot

User ID: 6366763
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10/10/2018 05:36 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Prayers for you and yours
BrianMcFry  (OP)

User ID: 74521205
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10/10/2018 05:44 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Thank you, everyone of your comments are being taken to heart, and I deeply appreciate everyone's love, concern, and support during this troubled time. Love all of you.

hf
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DMJ

User ID: 75756824
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10/10/2018 05:50 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Dear Lord.

Stay strong. It's hard to lose a parent.
I have lost both, 15 years ago.
Take this time to just love her.

Your family are in our prayers.

hf
JypsieWind

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10/10/2018 05:52 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
I’m so sorry OP
JypsieWind
Dumpty

User ID: 76559150
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10/10/2018 06:01 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
A real tough break for sure. I don't know really what to say. I just lost my sister and it helped me when I came here and made a thread about it like you. Believe it or not, there are some good folks here that do care about you, I do.

Good luck and don't forget to take a second or two for yourself during this process. Good luck friend.




5-22 Sympathy
Ricky M
gone plaid

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10/10/2018 06:01 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Praying <3
Mygirl

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10/10/2018 06:08 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
So sorry OP...praying for your you and your Mom.

Here is a special prayer to pray with your Mother

Prayer of Salvation


"Heavenly Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey you, and to do your will for the rest of my life. Write my name in the book of Life. Thank you father, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen
Mygirl
Yesterday ~ TODAY ~ Tomorrow

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10/10/2018 06:09 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
I know how you feel...my father died suddenly at 67. He was heathy and it was a shock. It felt like someone reached into my chest and ripped my heart. The grief was horrific and the timing was also very bad.

But...know that there is no death, and what seems so is only transition. There is no “hell” either. It’s a made up word by the Catholics that the Protestants retained in their scripture to some extent.

It has been long said that Life on this earth is a school through which every spirit must pass.

She’s going home, where there is no suffering, Hate, pain or misery—only Love.

Many who have had NDEs have stated that it was so beautiful there and when given the choice they did not want to return — even happy young people with children who were forced to return against their “will”. Not their time yet. And they have a Message to share.



She may visit you at some point and tell you she’s okay.

Pachiderm

Last Edited by Yesterday ~ TODAY ~ Tomorrow on 10/10/2018 06:15 PM
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- “An eye for an eye” only makes the world blind.~ Ghandi
tcs

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10/10/2018 06:32 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
A soul may give up its shell but "death" is only something we label a body that no longer houses the essence of what we knew to be that person.

Losing a loved one is devastating. We lose something VERY precious to us. We can take comfort in knowing that we too are on the same journey and our time here is very short until we meet again.

____________

"Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.

Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day.

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:

And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
Believest thou this?

She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world."


rose
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." ~Author unknown
Beetlepumprr

User ID: 76187211
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10/10/2018 06:48 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
DO YOU really WANT TO SAVE HER? Does she want to go, or has given up? Then if she has lost strength and hope then you need to step in with your fortitude. Do THIS FIRST!

Watch this!

Ten do it!
Our bodies, our brain has billions of Cannabinol Receptors that are good for utilizing only one thing. Cannabinoids.

The testings have been done, pharmaceutical companies are working into it's depths. 100% healing, I totally believe it.
But you need to study and watch and see the testings, the testimonies. INCREDIBLE!!





Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

I'm just a product of insufficient modality.

Humans of Earth! I have come in peace. You need not fear me. I mean you no harm. However, it may be important to know that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. And those of you who do survive will be enslaved and experimented on. You should in no way take any of this personally — it's just business!
Beetlepumprr

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10/10/2018 06:49 PM

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Re: Mom is dying

Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

I'm just a product of insufficient modality.

Humans of Earth! I have come in peace. You need not fear me. I mean you no harm. However, it may be important to know that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. And those of you who do survive will be enslaved and experimented on. You should in no way take any of this personally — it's just business!
Beetlepumprr

User ID: 76187211
United States
10/10/2018 06:55 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Job 36:12 English Standard Version (ESV)

12
But if they do not listen, they perish by the sword
and die without knowledge.



Hosea 4:6 English Standard Version (ESV)

6
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge;
because you have rejected knowledge



Proverbs 10:21 English Standard Version (ESV)

21
The lips of the righteous feed many,
but fools die for lack of sense.

John 8:32 - And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.


1 Corinthians 12:8 - For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit

Romans 10:17 - So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.


GOD'S WORD COMES IN MANY FASHIONS! LISTEN, listen, listen
Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

I'm just a product of insufficient modality.

Humans of Earth! I have come in peace. You need not fear me. I mean you no harm. However, it may be important to know that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. And those of you who do survive will be enslaved and experimented on. You should in no way take any of this personally — it's just business!
dodger007

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10/10/2018 06:59 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


I am very sorry for your pain. You are the greatest miracle of her life and her legacy,. Be glad for that. Consider journaling your thoughts and her final days.
Peace be with you all
dodger007
ArunaLuna
Oh My STARS My CHAKRAS!

User ID: 72376376
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10/10/2018 07:02 PM

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awwtree

I know this hurts! Hang in there... if you feel like sharing memories we’d love to hear some of your favorites! She will always be a part of your life and will live on through you...make sure to remember that in your grief... as hard as it is, she wants you to live a long and happy life!
Bastetcat

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10/10/2018 07:06 PM
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Re: Mom is dying
Prayers for you and yours
 Quoting: SilverPatriot


Prayers sent too...So sorry OP...
Life finds a way.
Serepta Ann

User ID: 75327673
United States
10/10/2018 07:24 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
I am so sorry, I lost my momma when I was 27 (heart attack she was 52) Make sure you cherish every single moment you have left, nothing else is as important right now, then give yourself time to grieve, pick yourself up and live your very best life because that is what she would want for you. I can also say from experience that there is NOTHING harder than watching someone you love waist away from cancer, what a wicked disease. You've got this, times like these are when we find our greatest strength
Serepta Ann

esse quam videri
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For by Him All Things Were Created

User ID: 71433356
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10/10/2018 07:32 PM

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Re: Mom is dying
Cancer has spread to multiple organs. Further treatment is futile. She's being taken to hospice today to make her last days more comfortable than the ICU which would only prolong the inevitable. She's only 52... I'm the only child... Her parents will outlive their second child, their first born son died not long before I was born, 25 years ago. After helping them through that grief, it looks like I am meant to help them through this grief, also. This will be my first experience losing a close relative. Nothing could have prepared us for this day.
 Quoting: BrianMcFry


Soooo sorry grouphug


Dear Heavenly Father , we ask for Your will and no suffering , we ask for comfort for the loved ones and that hope comes from knowing this is a temporary separation , we ask the enemy have no power in this and You give Brian all he needs to get through this in Jesus name amen
Job 37:13 He causeth it to come, whether for correction, or for his land, or for mercy.