GLP MEMBERSHIP GIVEAWAY! - Tell Me Your Funniest Joke! - 2 Full Member Accts To Win

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says she will consider debating Ben Shapiro if he doubles his offer from $10,000 to $15,000. "If free speech was a right, it would be in the Constitution."“I’m against studying civics in school unless we also study other cars.” and finally she says----

"I promise I'll fight for ALL illegal immigrants. Especially those who came here legally."

A couple was discussing what they think their child will be when they grow up. So they decided to see how his mind was thinking.

They sat out a stack of money and said if he grabs it, he’ll be a businessman.

They sat out a bottle of wine and said if he grabs it, he’ll be a drunk.

And last the sat out a bible and said if he grabs it, he’ll be a preacher.

So the kid walks in, he puts the money in his pocket, drank the wine and tucked the Bible under his arm. Guy looks at his wife and say, damn! He’s gonna be a politician

No - that was a pea on a fork.



Jeez.

A guy goes to the doctor for his yearly physical. The doctor examines the guy and, after he is through, he says to the patient- "well I have good news and I have bad news." The patient said "tell me the good news." The doctor says "your penis is going to grow six inches." The patient says "thats GREAT news! Whats the bad news!" The doctor says "it's malignant"

OP...you asked for a "funny joke"? Heck ...I CREATED AN ENTIRE THREAD... (Note: without even trying!)

Thread: Deleted thread..nothing here...no need to open...honest...seriously... I mean it dang it!

Last Edited by FeedYourHead on 07/04/2019 09:54 PM

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Your mama is so stupid, she thinks Instagram is a cocaine vending machine.

How do you fix a broken pizza....Tomato Paste! Right?!

How do you wake lady gaga up when she is asleep?




















Fuck her face!



Sign me up for my free account.

Two gay guys and two lizzies get in a foot race, who wins? The two lizzies, they go lickety split lickety split and the two gay guys just poke ass along.

Last Edited by Tips on 07/04/2019 10:55 PM

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

A Jewish family is sitting at the table having dinner when the daughter asks her father for 50 dollars.
The father replies in an instant. 30 dollars, what do you need 15 dollars for?

Captin trinity finally leached all money from sheeple and bring them to the promised lsnd

A lovely take on one of my favorites.

Bill Clinton comes home one afternoon and Hillary is nowhere to be found. Bill asks Chelsea where Hillary is.

"She had evil lessons with Satan today. Remember?"

Bill says, "Oh. Was that today?" and sends Hillary a text - "Will you be there the whole two hours this afternoon?"

Hillary texts back - "No. Satan only brought enough cash for 60 minutes."

You've clearly never been to Tulsa, OK.

Tulsa is a fairy large city and certainly not full of mobile homes. It is however full of houses and of course has many apartment complexes but very few mobile homes compared to number of houses.

Number of mobile homes currently for sale on Zillow in Tulsa OK = 2

[link to www.zillow.com (secure)]

Number of houses currently for sale on Zillow in Tulsa = 1722

[link to www.zillow.com (secure)]

A doctor is walking down the hallway in the hospital.

A nurse stops him and asks, "Doctor,is that a rectal thermometer over your ear?"

The doc grabs it and exclaims, "DAMN, some asshole got my pencil!"

Black guy is asked why he’s wearing a tuxedo fo get a vasectomy.

He replies, “if I’m gonna be impotent, I wanna look impotent.”

Old one but good one.


A muslim, a homosexual and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender looks over and says, "Oh Hi Obama".

TRIGGERED!

Why did the turtle cross the road?



...Because it was stapled to the chicken!

What has two legs and bleeds?






....Half a dog!

An old man is sitting on his porch one morning when he sees a young boy walking by with some "duck tape".

Old man says, "Hey boy where you going with that "duck tape"

The boy replies "I'm gonna catch me some ducks"

Old man says "that's not going to work you have it all wrong"

An hour later the boy passes back by the opposite direction with a bunch of ducks caught up in the tape...

The next day the old man sees the young boy walking down the road with some chicken wire.

Old man says, "Hey boy what are you gonna do with all that chicken wire"

The boy replies, "I'm gonna catch me some chickens"

Old man says "You don't catch chickens with chicken wire, you keep them contained with it"

An hour later the boy passes back by the opposite direction with a bunch of chickens caught up in the wire.

The very next day the old man is once again on his porch when the young boy comes walking down the street with a tree branch in his hands.

Old man says, "Hey boy what you got there"

The boy replies, "Pussy Willow"

Old man says "Let me get my hat"

What's the difference between Joe Biden and a pony? Children like to ride ponies.

What does Hilarry have in common with dingos?
They both eat babies.

There was an indian chief in the village who was responsible for naming every baby born of the tribe.

One day a little girl approaches him and asks "Chief can you tell me how you came up with me and my brothers' names"

Indian Chief says "Well sure. You see when your oldest brother was born I looked out into the fields and saw a sitting bull, so he became Sitting Bull"

"When your middle brother was born I looked up into the sky and saw an eagle flying high, so he became Soaring Eagle"

He then looks at the little girl and says...

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking"

Last Edited by Feerlyss on 07/05/2019 12:05 AM

What does Trump getting raped, and a pumpkin have in common? They're both orange and full of seed.

How are black people and semen the same? Only one in a million succeed.

What do you call an African American that can fly a plane?



A PILOT, you Fucking racist!

Did you hear the one about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.