Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11

OK that made me chuckle... lol

Evening OP, do you plan to have your bed in a bedroom or put in an open area like a living room?

I know some folks want People around them as they transition and some do not wish for an audience, waiting for all to leave or fall asleep.

What is your preference?

Fred, you are not just one of "the guys", you are the guy. What a mind.

I said elsewhere I think that I've measured out my living room to find the right place to set it so that I would have the view(s) I wanted.

Preference? I hadn't really thought of my families presence as an "audience". My wife has said she wants to be at my side if possible. Should they wish to be near or sit nearby is their choice and I have the right to change my mind as well.

I have read about those who pass right after someone leaves the room. As if they just waited for them to get there and say their goodbyes and then they passed.

Fred, we went through hospice with my Dad this spring. I say Dad, because it is both a title and a personal pronoun.

It was very difficult. For all of us, Dad included. He didn't have any quit in him and he gave life so much respect and cherished it so well that he didn't give up until everything was poured out.

He and I had a difficult relationship, to put it nicely. There were a lot of hurts on both sides, yet, forgiveness is a heck of a soothing salve to wounds. Oddly, I was the last one to talk with my Dad. Very humbling, really.

Some people display indifference because they simply cannot bear to be real or let those intense emotions surface. So, while I can certainly understand how hurtful it may be, I just wanted to point out to you that it isn't necessarily actual indifference, but an insufficiency of self within someone.

I admire your bravery in posting of this here. It's very inspiring.

Blessings on you and may you have incredible peace and rest.

Blessings to you OP for sharing with all of us. I was with my Mom on her last day, not realizing it was her last day in hospice. First time with this type of experience. You always think they are going to rally again. My Dad could not be there for a few hours due to his own medical problems and she asked for him a few times that day. Dad finally showed up, then I left for a while to come back again later. She died about 1/2 an hour after I left.

Do not lose heart; every single one of us will be going through a death experience as unique as the individual is and it is as natural as being born.

Love and peace to you and your wife OP

Thank you.

How about some music?????











God Be With You!

God bless you.

What an interesting selection of music. It’s not something one plays while doing other things. I found myself closing my desktop windows and just sitting back and listening. It certainly invites contemplation and serenity. I will need to listen to these again and again as I can see I’m probably going to hear something different each time I do or maybe feel something different as well.

Thank you for sharing this with me. This was a very thoughtful gesture.

"I’m trying everything that contributes to my family and the quality of my life. I didn’t stop living. I think I actually finally started to live."


Thank you for saying this, OP. It is such wisdom. You discovered what's important and I will always remember this.

Good Morning from good old Blighty...

Just touching base and reading up..... Hope you had as comfortable night.

Heres a question for a benevolent dictator of this thread. I would value the insight of yourself.

I have read every post and how you relate so eloquently to the many posts by many others on their own journeys.

As you are aware, trying to convey emotions over a medium of a forum is difficult if not almost impossible. What we tend to do is append our own emotions to what we read, and often things get lost in translation.

So my question is this..... How have your emotions changed or are changing, since you started this thread. If so how is this having a bearing on people around you?

I see how people here including myself have look inwardly on ourselves as if to re evaluate our own journeys towards our own inevitable passing.

Hope you have a full and fulfilling day.

Everything is changing including some of my long held beliefs and feelings. This I believe is “normal” at least I hope it’s normal because it’s happened and is happening.

During the course of a day I will think or feel many things and I often find myself having to adopt or validate the stuff in my head and then it begins all over again. E.g., I’ve said I’m not afraid to die. Well there are moments when I believe this and then moments when my abject fear of dying will raise its head. This convicts me of my emotional frailty and is counter to my need to appear strong for my family. Actually its not my need to appear strong. It’s my need to be sure footed about things. Uncertainty is my biggest issue.

I have shared some of my changing beliefs and feelings with my family and others and they seem OK with it. It’s as if they believe they have no right to question my doubts and feelings. And I suppose they don’t, but I think we must allow them to express them.

Folks I don’t have any secret writings or abilities and you know this. I’m just some guy who put some words on a page and it just blew up. Look at how empathic and appropriate the posters in this thread are. IMO, this is a profound exception to many of the threads on GLP and you are responsible for this. You can’t know how this makes me feel. I’m worthy of your sincere thoughts and this is not lost on me. Validation from outside the family has a powerful effect. I can tell myself that of course she would say that because she is my wife, but coming from you I have to admit that its your free will and I can’t dismiss that.

Some of you have mentioned the death of a loved one or close friend, but have not elaborated as fully as you might have about your experiences. I believe we all could benefit from reading about your experience so I am inviting you to share your story in this thread with us. I believe we all value someones experience more than the “considered opinion” of others.

Your stories probably contain more nuggets of wisdom than you realize and it isn’t important for you to figure out what they are. The reader will recognize them.

I expect everyone to show the kindness and respect you’ve given to me with those who share with us.

Faith plays an important role in many peoples lives. I’m asking you to be sensitive toward others beliefs and not argue or condemn, etc. In fact I think it best if any faith discussion occur elsewhere. Thank you.

Fred

Thank you Fred! I'll give it some thought and maybe later I'll talk more about my dad. I'm more interested in keeping this thread about you and your thoughts, so I don't want to overstep. I think you understand.

The sun is about to rise for another day. Let's hope the tide brings in something great!

Thank you, Fred. I also don't want to divert from this journey you are sharing.

Also, it isn't possible for me to relate my experience with my Dad without a great deal of faith being interjected.

I will say it was incredibly difficult, and painful for us. My Dad was in no way a quitter and he gave all of his energy to hold on to life as he valued that gift deeply.

RESPECT HIS AUTHORITAH!...

ERIC CARTMAN

I suspect you’re reminding me of my purpose for this thread and/or you’re not in agreement with providing opportunities for people to share their story. Since you didn’t say anything I can’t know your intent and that’s what I gleaned from it.

If someone posts a story I will read it and take what I can from it. Others or myself may comment about it or not. And maybe no one will share.

The decision to invite others does not affect my original intent;
• Finding other hospice patients
• Posting about my journey

I find it helpful to share my thoughts and I believe there are some who are interested in my story for their own reasons.

I hope this is helpful.

I have really struggled with allowing the discussion of faith. Like you I have seen the many threads where chaos eventually destroys any meaningful dialogue. Some happens by design (trolls) and others for differing beliefs.

Regardless this will only open the door to all manner of responses. (And nonsense)

- My faith cures cancer. Yours doesn’t.
- My faith provides miracles. Yours doesn’t.
- My God is the only true God. Yours isn’t.
And so on.

I will not allow this thread to be abused. I simply won’t let that happen.

You and I would have a meaningful conversation because I wouldn’t have an opinion about your beliefs. Ralph would love to tell you how wrong you are and how right I am, but he had to die so that I could live. :)

This is your journey!
Be comfortable and follow your Soul; it will guide you.

Agreed 100%

I hear you, Fred. My reason for not sharing is clearly described in your post.

Part of Life is physical death. It is very personal, and actually quite private. And I have only witnessed it, not experienced it first hand.

My admiration for you is legit. We all travel this path.. Few can be real about it.

Hello Fred , from all of New Zealand.

Godlike blessing to you and your family, friends and all of us.

My Mum died at 52, I gave up my job at 19 to care for her.

best thing I ever did in my whole life.

When she passed, I wasnt there ( no cell phones back then) a rain storm stopped me from going to her bed side.

Ment to be.
Death is the beginning, of your journey, your soul set free, from a tragic world.

Really appreciate your post Fred

I’ve been thinking about how some or many (?) of todays young people may view intimacy differently than older people like myself. I’ve always thought of “intimacy” as being in the presence of someone in order to have a intimatel conversation.

Some young people believe that having a FaceTime or Skype call is the same thing as being there. After all they say they can see my face and subtle expressions. They can hear the tone of my voice, and so on. Whats the difference if they are there or not? It was quite a shock to realize they were sincere and really felt this way. Now more than ever it seems our differing generational values and needs are pulling us further apart.

I remember as a boy that we used to travel to visit a sick and/or dying person especially a relative. It was simply expected of everyone and I just assumed that nothing had really changed in this regard.

I am really grateful for technology like FT, Skype, etc., because this is a much better way to communicate than texts or emails and I do feel more connected when we use it. Having said this I would prefer my family at my bedside because… well I’m old fashioned I guess.

I want to feel their hand on my brow or holding my hand. I want to feel the warmth of their skin. I want to feel them sit down on the edge of the bed and know that I’m not alone. I want to hear the hushed voices that say someone is there and they care about me. We deserve to be surrounded by those who love us and not some dam screen. I wonder if they think about what families or traditions will look like when they’re old or if they even care…

I am blessed to have a family who wants to escort me home. One of my fears was being alone that last mile and I’ll wager I’m not alone in this.

Hi, i too am in at home hospice care. I can still get up and walk short distances but am very unstable. I have oxogen here but do not have to use it all the time yet.Yes i do have to wear man diapers sometimes but not all the time yet. I do already have a hospital bed so i can raise the head up or down and find a comfortable place witch is not always easy to do. One thing is, i refuse to lay around in the bed. I sleep in it at night when i can sleep but that isnt often anymore.
I do not have a problem with being dead, it is the dieing that bothers me. The pain. It is already pretty bad but will get much worse unless i get lucky and just dont wake up one night.It does bother me that my disease rules my entire life and way too much of my familys life too. I wont say too much right now, really just wanted to give you a start on where i am at in life right now. I do make a lot of wise cracks or jokes about me dying and many people find that rather shocking but it makes things easier for me to keep life not so serious.It is serious but maybe you know how i mean that.
Thanks for starting this subject, i am enjoying it so far.

I’m in a bit of shock at the moment. I just knew someone had to be reading this who was on this journey. Thank you for stepping out of the shadows.

I hope you will just jump right in and share whatever is on your mind.