Just got news...

im so sorry.

its awesome how you are the one to take care of him though... really...

you two had differences and stuff... but you are going above and beyond and showing respect, and humanity by putting any of that behind to guide him home.

may you be blessed 10 fold!

we all must face this chapter... it doesnt make it any easier...

but when i am in your shoes... I pray that I have the resolve, awesomeness and courage that you have.

we're here for you friend! anytime you need an ear to listen... we're your huckleberry :)

I am not a doctor, and this is not medical advise, but "stage 4" malignancies of any type is not a death sentence. It is defeatable.

Here's what you do:
No more smoking anything.
All vegetarian, all the time, preferably raw; no more meat, no more wheat, no more dairy, no candy, no sweets. Zero intake in those regards.

Lots of leafy greens: Kale, cabbage, spinach, etc., lots of vegetables, not much fruit (sounds counter intuitive, but fructose contributes to a cancer-feeding environment in the blood plasma), and here are the big ones:

Eat tons of Turmeric, Cinnamon, Cayenne pepper, Vitamin C, Paprika, and Spirulina (a blue green algae, make sure to buy it with the 'hull' cracked, as well as avocados. In terms of the spices, disregard how the food tastes; you're not eating for kicks and giggles, you're eating to live. Load that shit on.

Drink tons of reverse osmotically purified or distilled water, BPA free contaniers (the jugs at the store generally contain BPA, which leeches into the water over time).

Consider "medical marijuana" if this is legal in your state (tee hee), but don't combust it; rather, try to juice the plant, and I mean the whole plant: leaves, stem, etc., and focus on non-combustive intake of the non-psychoactive portion of the THC in the plant. Only do this of course if it is legal in your area (*titter titter*).

Another big one: Consume GRAPESEED OIL and COCONUT OIL (organic and unrefined), and look into "oil pulling", the practice of swishing a small amount of oil around in your mouth right when you wake up, before you eat or drink anything, for 10-15 minutes, and then spitting it out without swallowing any. You'll know you've done it properly if the spit-refuse comes out as a milky white, seemingly non-oily solution, then brush your teeth and go about your day.


This is only a death sentence according to the big pharma multinational corporations who insist on treating cancer with cancer-causing radiation.

Your father in law can live.|

Edit: I forgot, another big one; consume a small amount of disolved baking soda in water twice daily to alkalinize the blood plasma; cancer only thrives in acidic (often sugar laden) environments.

I am not a doctor, this IS NOT medical advise.

Last Edited by Piscesian Misesian on 02/01/2013 12:08 AM

Op, I know everyone is different, but my aunt has had stage 4 lung cancer for over 5 years and she's still going strong. I saw her last spring and if I didn't know about it, I'd never have known. She has had set backs, one just recently, but she's back to her very social schedule. I think, after my uncle died, her friends, her faith, and her attitude have kept her going strong. All that said, she is getting to the point where she's had enough. This last time, she refused chemo, but she did have radiation. She had to stay in rehab for a few weeks this last time, because she was weaker and needed some help. Now, she's out playing dominoes with her girlfriends a couple of days a week.

We had another friend that wasn't so lucky, a few years ago. He gave up before he got started on any kind of treatment. I think that has a lot to do with it.

Good for you, for being willing to take this on. It won't be easy for you. My dad's a lot like your fil. I wish I had an easy answer for you, I don't. I do believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone, facing this, is enough. for you. It's not much, I know.

This would be so much easier if he was willing to corporate. He smokes 2 packs a day. He eats what he wants to when he wants. He is the most rude, selfish son of a bitch I have ever met, but I love him. He will not change his ways, ever. He had a hard life and he goes by that hard life. He is a stubborn fucking asshole, that no one else in the family will deal with including my husband. As much as I am always infuriated with him, I see the small bits of him that shine. I see that with anyone. I can't let him walk this alone, even if it is just half way. They way he sees it, is " what is done is done".

Thank you guys, all of you. I had to vent and have a few drinks to do so. Hubby has now gone to sleep. Some one has to watch the fort, right?

Well, maybe tell his stubborn ass anyway.
Maybe he'll decide he wants to live; if not, I suppose it's his prerogative, and you mustn't overly burden yourself with the decisions of others outside of your control.

Worst case scenario, he dies, finds out there is no death, and lives (yet) again, hopefully having learned a lesson or two.

Namaste', OP.

Hon, one thing I forgot to ask was, how old is your fil? If he's at a certain age, I'm not surprised at his attitude. Trust him to know what's going on with his body. Cancer has a way of letting you know just how wrong things really are. I've been done this road with several relatives and I had an easy to cure cancer 12 years ago. You just seem to "know". It may be that all anyone can do now, is just be there and keep loving him. He'll make it hard to do, but not on purpose. He'll hate how the cancer is making him less than he was. You'll probably have trouble with your husband and mil, too. If they can't find a way to handle it, that will be hard on you AND your fil.

Make sure, as time goes on, to find time for yourself. Time to recharge yourself. You'll think it selfish, but it's not. You won't be able to do the things you want/need to do if you don't. Plus, it's OK to cry. It can even help.

Prayers are with you:)

He is 73

Some really smart, thoughtful, and insightful people on this thread, OP.

Sometimes I think I have to respect the life people choose to lead despite what I would hope they'd do for their own good. The old "walk a mile" in another shoes and getting on the page in the book of their life. Sounds like the tough old bastard has met his match in you and it seems clear your strenght will guide you to many quiet acts of loving kindness toward your father-in-law no matter how it goes. On this end, he seems pretty fortunate to have you on point.

I wish you and your family all good things.

Thank you. I honestly believe that despite our differences, that he knows I will be the only one to respect his wishes, regardless of how we feel about them. The news just came tonight. No one in the family has even bothered to ask the doctors questions, because of how difficult he is with the doctors. I have a list of questions that I will be getting answers for. I will have this talk with him, in more detail.

My dad just turned 80 last fall. He's had 2 massive heart attacks, 1 full-on stroke, cancer, and now, the arteries in his legs are so bad, the docs can't do anything about it. He's always bounced back, but the leg thing has changed him. He's always been the one to work harder than anyone else and always tinkered in the garage. Now, he can't do most of it.

I think people from that generation have the hardest time dealing with it. Where I grew up, most of the men worked on farms or other very physical jobs. When they have to accept limitations, it's not with much grace.

If you ever want to pm me, just to talk or bitch, feel free. That's the one thing I do well anymore, listen. If nothing else, let us all know if we can help. I know, one day soon, if TS doesn't HTF, I'll be asking for help, too.

Leave him alone and let him live as he wishes.He already has cancer so let him enjoy the rest of his days as best he can.

I have already told all my family if I am ever diagnosed with it to not start on me about what to do just leave me alone to live whats left.No radiation or this natural bs.Why have to change your routine and every thing you wanted to do to try to get a few extra days living in ways you hate.

The gift that you have to give is to spend time with him so he won't be lonely.

I honestly appreciate your offer and thank you for it.

Please care for him until the end. Even if he seems unresponsive. He most likely isn't. *skeletons in closet*

give him some weed and a vaporizer


And im sorry for you OP ): sucks


Last Edited by The Deplorable AtsuiPanda on 02/01/2013 01:00 AM

I am not sure if you have ever had someone in that position before.. but from my experience, even when they want to be left alone, it is comforting for them to have some kind of presence of someone they know, near by. Why? Because they are thinking about how they are leaving their kids behind, or how will their wife or husband do, once they are gone. They worry so much about who they are leaving behind and how they will cope, not them and how they would cope, get it? As humans it is in our nature to care, even the most stubborn asshole out there is worrying about someone or a pet or something. So being obsoletely alone is BS, you always appreciate having some one around, even if it is to bitch about everything until your last day.

You're welcome. I really mean it. That's the nice thing about here, you don't have to worry about the things you say getting around town.

Texas - Same with my Dad. Had to get his hip replaced at 81 and it's slowed him down somewhat. Always the hardest worker, pulling-up trees, digging ditches, painting some part of the house every other week (much to my mother's continual dismay - "That man will never learn how to just sit and do nothing.") and a myriad of other physical work projects. Now he's slowed down and he's having a real hard time handling it. As you said so clearly, it really does seem to be a generational thing (and, thankfully, he passed that on to all his children) and work, movement and getting things done are a big part of defining them.

I wish the best to your Pop (and family) and thanks for writing so clearly. It was nice to relate. Best.

Thanks Bx. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I was back home last spring for 4 months, taking care of mom and dad. Mom was the one with the hip replacement again. She was in rehab for 6 weeks and dad couldn't stay alone. As hard as it was to see them getting old, I'm glad for the time with them. It's been too long since I could "hang" with the folks.

Would hemp oil get some of the same effect? That's legal everywhere and you can buy it at Whole Foods, probably lots of other places too.

I hear you, Texas. No matter how old I get, I'm still their kid and love them with all I have. It's hard to believe they're old now and even harder to see the physical evidence of same (it's like I locked them away in mind's eye where they are immune to age or infirmary - and probably more for my safe-keeping than theirs). And while I know it's a natural progression, I am ill-prepared to have a world without them in it.

I have the good fortune of having four children myself and have stressed to all the importance of them seeing and calling their grandparents with some frequency as they are joined in a link of love, family, and history. Most times, my children get it, but I still have to get the commercials in. That said, I'm a very fortunate man.

Sounds to me like your folks did a wonderful job with you and they must be extremely proud of who you grew to be, The four months must have been great (and, if your folks are similar to mine, challenging as well - they can push our buttons because they installed them). I treat every visit, every call, every interaction as golden. I never want to look over my emotive shoulder when they're gone without the knowledge that I loved, respected, and treated them with every courtesy and grateful kindness I could while we were together. Sounds the same with you.

Taking it down for the night, but it was very nice to meet and read you, Texas.

Thanks, and all best.

It always amazes me to find others that seem to have the exact life I had. It was nice meeting you too, Bx. Thanks for the comments.

Marajuana oil would help. Both of us provided Hospice care to my mother who had a rare form of lymphoma. Even though I asked about marajuana the medical community wouldn't give it. Not sure about Canada. Instead we had to use the traditional treatment until stage 4 where the focus was then on making her comfortable by providing pain releaf with the various pain meds. During the last 3 weeks she was in the hospital because of the chronic fevers that go along with her type of cancer and how it affected her.

Generally it helps to get things in order (will, passing things onto family members before he passes, providing him with things he may enjoy during this last phase - music, time with friends and family, food, etc.)

Stage 4 means he doesn't have that much time left. Lots of emotional issues tend to surface as he begins to lose more control over his ability to function. Pain meds cause constipation so there is a balance with stool softeners and meds just to keep functioning. He may also develop problems breathing and may drown in his own fluids. We did get an oxygen tank to be kept near-by at the end. If pain meds are in pill form and become difficult to swallow they can be crushed with a spoon and taken with applesauce.

You need to take care of yourself and can also contact Hospice who will provide all types of support including medical home visits by a Hospice nurse.

The most difficult time for us was when she had to have pain meds ever 4 hours which meant someone had to be up during the night to give meds. The exhaustion factor for the care giver needs to be taken into consideration and planned for. Then there was assisting her to get to the bathroom as the meds tend to make them groggy or dizzy where they can fall get injured. Portable toilet next to the bed helps and those can be rented.

I think a consultation with Hospice with and family members would be helpful because there is no way you can handle all of what this entails by yourself. The other family members also need to help. Just remember, put your own ego at the door. His dying process is his last journey in this life and you're there to provide what support you can.

Last Edited by Proud American Supporter on 02/01/2013 01:36 AM

.. I whish you to find the strenghth you will need to go with him through all this!

It won´t be easy and sometimes he will be very mean to you, just don´t take it personally. and try to involve the rest of the family as much as possible! at least it is their father, husband...

all the best..

I didnt say not be there for him.I said leave him alone as far as trying to make him eat this or that or try this or that.Annoys the hell out of a sick person when people start that crap...and yes I am more than familiar.I lost my husband at a very early age and was left alone to raise our son from age 9 without his father...Also lost my closest friend at age 44 due to cancer.

I went through this with my father 2 years ago. You don't know where you will find the strength, but you will find it. Knowledge comes with experience, so get in touch with your local hospice nurses. Certainly he will either have home care hospice or clinic hospice before too long. I'll tell you that I wish we had opted for hospice long before we finally gave in to it. It was a wonderful experience. The nurses provided so much support and a sense of calm when it came time. They were very respectful of not only my father, but my whole family. They always had time to listen or provide a hug during the tough times. I realized we needed their help long before that because we had tried to care for him ourselves thinking it was the right thing to do. Hospice is there to be the caregiver so that you can spend your time enjoying his company.

He obviously respects you as an equal seeing as you stand up to him and he will most likely need your strength to help with the rest of the family who emotionally can't yet deal with the situation. You can and will find it within you.

Make sure to get enough rest and eat properly. Take care of yourself because it looks like you will be the one others turn to. And keep your mind healthy by seeing a grief counselor now. Work through the emotions while they are happening, in the long run it is much healthier.

My thoughts are with you and I send prayers your way.

No Smoking.
GREEN produce. Kale, spinich, celery, everything green from the produce department. Also look at these sites.
[link to gerson.org]
and
[link to www.cancertutor.com] I just found this on glp.

My dad died of lung cancer. He was proud and stubborn also.
He never stopped smoking and died when I was 27, 30 years ago when he was only 60.

He may not want to hear what you have to say. But if he really wants to live, you need to get his bodies PH above 7.5 and feed him juices.