Looking for others from same "mk ultra" cohort

I gets chills with MGM as well

this in what happened to another guy in my group.
[link to lambmatt.org]
Read it carefully you will see how deep this goes.
this was the beginning of true mind control...
they have refined it since then.

I've still got the diplomatic gene burned into my brain - i.e. if it has the word Hitler in it and it's in public, I skirt it. What I think off the internet where I'm allowed to be analytical without censoring - that is a whole different thing.

Yeah, I've heard and seen enough to know that "We weren't successful and gave up" means "We've actually gotten pretty good at it."

Well, I tried one email listed on the web and it failed. I guess my search goes on.

I've still got the diplomatic gene burned into my brain - i.e. if it has the word Hitler in it and it's in public, I skirt it. What I think off the internet where I'm allowed to be analytical without censoring - that is a whole different thing.

maybe we could discuss tm with no censorship some time?

Yeah, why not.

that would be cool, how can I contact you?

Page 78 in my copy.
You don't have to come back in for me. I've been floating in the mess pretty much on my own for ages.

Not that I'd stop you - I would love to hear a perspective from someone that was in a clearly defined "research space" rather than the mixed up experiences of those of us that were "home grown" in it.

I've made my email viewable in my profile for a little bit. Can figure out something from there.

There are definitely enough oddities and experimentation going on in it.

you can take it down now, if you want , thanks!

OP

Did they ever use the words " important" like this is very important you must do this etc?

I must say I've had some strange events myself. Nothing like yours, no abuse as a child.

Later in life it became known to me these people are Rosicrucians. Not my family though. As far as I know.

After meeting these people, they wouldn't fucking leave my house! They were hellbent on getting me hypnotised as " therapy" and " we know good ones we can suggest you use". They said "wiping out negative childhood memories can really help ".

I never did get this hypnosis therapy. I was afraid I would get suggestions or have my memories removed.


I felt as if I had some information they wanted, needed. Others were involved asking odd questions " do u have any theories on how the world ends?". I said no. He said " you're lying. Everybody has a theory, like comets, or anything else. It's very important you tell me your theory. Close your eyes and try to recall it, because you know". Later on this man (Egyptian btw) said " you came to me to discuss your secret. Tell me the secret".

I have no idea what the secret is.

He was very excited that I told him as a child I used to go to a library that had a museum and all I wanted to do was stand there looking at what I thought was a tree trunk, but later discovered it was an Egyptian mummy.

It might not have been Egyptian, now I think of it. I just know I went back asking where the tree trunk was, and was told that was a mummy.

jack and jill went up the hill

Most things were important - but it started so incredibly young that anything I was asked to do was important - so important in fact that the first time I failed to complete an impossible task I ended up hiding in a bush overnight - I think I was age 4. It wasn't the last time.

However, there were a few things that were "vital", as in they were not allowed to be any other way and I would end up being convinced that they were originally my idea (they weren't) or that I had reached the conclusion on my own (I hadn't). For example, I was NOT allowed to do anything that would make it harder for me to get across borders ever. No tattoos, nothing that would require additional documentation, etc. I wouldn't go against these things even when the entire rest of me did not agree with them or found them to be absolutely inconvenient at the time.

---

People were hell bent on getting me to wipe out my own childhood memories. First it was an older DoD psychologist - he was actually rather convincing in his argument and suggested I do it with the aid of LSD in order to "erase" all of the damage and screwed up memories - he wanted me to "create a new me" and bury the old. Then later on in a different location entirely I had several people randomly come up to me, act friendly and helpful, and then make the same exact suggestion. At the time I was like "oh, what a funny coincidence"...I haven't always been the brightest crayon in the box.

----

I wouldn't even know what to think of the whole mummy thing (if it was a mummy or just the gaslighting of a child?) I know that for the longest time I wanted to take a month off and just stare into a fire, be mesmerized by the flames. and try to understand things - it would be over a decade later before I had a chance to sit down and really face and and try to understand things (sans the fire).

Somewhere in the midst of trying to figure everything out I had a two people come over for a visit, and one leaned over me to whisper to the other one "she'll tell us everything now". I barely knew these people and had only been barely sociable with them (i.e. no mention of childhood trauma or mind control). It could have been innocent? But at that point it was just triggering every "oh, no, not this again" bell in my head, so I quit socializing with them after that. I didn't really have anything in common with them anyway - so no big loss.

Thanks for answering OP

Re this
" Somewhere in the midst of trying to figure everything out I had a two people come over for a visit, and one leaned over me to whisper to the other one "she'll tell us everything now". I barely knew these people and had only been barely sociable with them (i.e. no mention of childhood trauma or mind control). It could have been innocent? But at that point it was just triggering every "oh, no, not this again" bell in my head, so I quit socializing with them after that. I didn't really have anything in common with them anyway - so no big loss"


Same here. It was an older couple, the hypnosis freaks. They weren't invited, just popped in at a rather coincidental time. Out of the blue they ask about hypnosis. I thought it was odd. A few days later (understand the man worked with my husband) my husband said the weirdest shit to me. Like some revelation, confession. Again out of the blue. It was so out there I had a nervous breakdown. Had amnesia and lost loads of weight too. I went to my doctor , he suggested I see a psychiatrist to sort through it.

He was the Egyptian man. He had the most irritating bright light shining on me when I talked to him. He kept going off Into a trance. Every time he wanted the secret answers. I reported him and they said I must be imagining he does that, but later the same person said " he has the sleeping disorder and falls asleep" . Why not admit that the first time? Why say I'm imagining it? I've looked at his rating and comments on rate your MD site and another complains he falls asleep. I saw a comment by a girl who saw him at age 12 , she was cutting herself and he encouraged her to cut " to release the pain". His office was all Egyptian decor. A stone wall with carvings, tarot card calendars. The biggest fucking book I ever saw open on a big wooden stand.


So did you or do you think the psychologists were chosen specifically for you, like they are in on it? I swear this one was. I kept asking if he was psychic. Like how the fuck did he know certain details. He would just say no I am not, do u think I am?

OP
Btw u see I live in Canada, but I was born & raised in the UK

*tag* for later reading.

Lol at his "no I am not, do u think I am?"

In my case, the psychologist was working on a DoD project I had been dragged in for. He wasn't my therapist. I was in his office one day towards the end of my time there and I was helping him sort through these giant manuals. Somehow we got to talking about everything I had been through there and in life. I think I saw him as an authority figure that understood what was going on in my life when so few did - and because of that I sought advice from him. He worked in the same department as the woman who raised me - he was involved in a really uncomfortable experience I had just been through - he really did know my situation at a level unlike most people. The advice though - that was crap, and a classic.

OP

I haven't really looked into MK in depth.
When I first heard about it around 1997, I considered it, but soon thought it was daft. I dismissed it. I will have a good look around now. I have some books I read back then that contained it. Some stuff is no longer accessible on the Internet. I think it was a book on mind control . Or had a chapter on that. Might be the book called The Hiram Key, not sure. I was reading all about the illuminati, Freemasons, the coming NWO, Rosetta Stone (not the language teaching thing) all that stuff.

At first I was scared to talk about this stuff. When I repeated what the ex had disclosed, and said I would say more, he threatened my life said "shut ur fucking mouth, u have no idea what you are dealing with here, they will kill you or make you very Sick" I said I'm not scared and he said well anyways, they will just say you are mental, made it all up. Nobody will ever believe it. Got that right. Ok I did suffer a major illness, almost died. Whatever, I don't care anymore, doubt it was done to me on purpose. I was extremely confrontational at that time. Relentless in my search for answers. If somebody I just met seemed strange I would outright ask what's up with it. The odd time you do get an answer. Ex also said do u think u might have had these memories implanted in your brain? Cos that can be done. I don't know where he was getting all this stuff. He's not a bright man, can't read and only watches sports on tv. Has no idea how to use a computer or a smartphone. Although after his revelation, he would openly watch paranormal sows. Very interested in Atlantis, Bermuda Triangle. Claimed people live under the earth's crust. Hollow earth theory I think.

OP We might be talking about different things here. I don't know. The weird shit for me began once I met the ex. On that very day. So I don't think I'm an MK ultra victim. I think I married into a weird family. Glad to be rid of them. There's only a few things that happened as a child.

Do you have any other links to suggest ? That lamb one only had one page on the iPad. Nothing about MK ultra on the home page I went to.

I can relate to this. Back in the 80's I had the *great fortune* to be a target of the McMartin preschool molestation "clan". I know for a fact that some of those involved truly tried (and succeeded) in helping/guiding me out of harms way. I firmly believe some of them risked their own credibility with the cult/clan to do so.

It's been 28 years and I still wonder why I was 'allowed' to survive.

I'm glad you were allowed to :)
I still get wide eyed stares of wonderment over how I'm alive - that's annoying, the stares, not the being alive part.

I've always questioned the sudden change of heart people - the "good" among the otherwise successfully crushing programs. I could never quite tell if they were being genuinely helpful or if they were just playing "nice cop". It doesn't really help that Fritz Springmeier associated "love bombing" with mk ultra. I take everything he says with a giant grain of salt - but the fact remains that he made the connection.

If I'm speaking in tongues :P .....

Love Bombing: [link to en.wikipedia.org]

Fritz: Lovely man who writes things like this: [link to www.bibliotecapleyades.net]

OP, you should tell your story on Coast to Coast AM or some other big radio show that deals with this sort of subject matter. Make a website where people can contact you.

It sounds like you've been through a lot. The ex really does sound like a head trip. It can be difficult to come back from things like that - even to convince yourself that what you experienced was legit.

I would suggest looking into gaslighting ( [link to counsellingresource.com] ) and other manipulation practices first. It might help you to understand what has been used as a tactic against you if you can recognize it.

Nyehhhhhh. I still have a private and professional life I'd like to keep separate from this mess.

Back to the "how can you tell if someone is a victim" question..

I just found this check list in a chapter of [link to www.bibliotecapleyades.net]

Fill in circle on items that pertain to you

o Abused as a child
o Adopted
o A failure
o Anxiety attacks
o Army brat
o Auto accident
o Bad habits
o Black & white thinking
o Blackouts
o Class President
o Compulsive activities & behaviors
o Depressed
o ESP
o Erotic dancer
o Ex-member of a cult
o Extrovert
o Feelings of being choked
o Feelings of being isolated
o Forgetful
o Flashbacks
o Genius in family
o Good grades in school
o Great faith in God
o Have a twin
o Have an imaginary playmate
o Have several close non-sexual friends of the opposite sex.
o Headaches
o Inability to believe in God
o Insomnia
o Intelligent
o Interest in the occult
o Irrational anger
o Knew what you were going to be as a child
o Little trust in other people
o Love Disney movies
o Love Star Wars
o Love to collect (or hoard)
o Loving
o Minister for a father (or mother)
o Moody
o Multiple Sclerosis
o Never dishonest
o Nightmares
o Panic attacks
o Participant in a religion
o Perfect father
o Phobias
o Physically attacked
o Premature sexual development
o Restlessness
o Rich parents
o Secretive
o Serious Health problems
o Single
o Skipped school
o Strange clothes in closet
o Strange pains with no explanation
o Strange voices
o Sudden attitude changes
o Supernatural experiences
o Tonsillectomy, emergency
o Tried narcotics
o Trouble learning in school
o UFO abductions
o Unable to enjoy sex
o Unexplainable things in personal life
o Visions
o Very vigilant
o Work for the Government


I've got about 90% of the items. Anyway, parts of that chapter might be interesting to you.

And from another section: [link to www.bibliotecapleyades.net]

INITIAL QUESTIONAIRE

Does the client have?

a. dissociative behavior (see checklist pg.
b. intrusive thoughts
c. physical complaints with no medical reasons
d. relatives in any intelligence organization
e. relatives associated with perpetrator groups (see list Vol. 2 pg.) -------- IF NO TO ALL OF THESE, LOOK F0R SOMETHING ELSE
f. memory lapses unexplained by ordinary forgetfulness
g. UFO or alien experiences
h. the presence of childhood trauma’s in one’s life
i. feelings like there is more than one person (or voice) inside

IF YES, GO ON TO THE QUESTIONAIRE BELOW

Has the client?

a. ever lost time
b. found strange items in their closet
c. heard words by others associated with mind control
d. uncontrollable behavior despite strong efforts to control it
e. relatives who belong to Illuminati or elite bloodlines
f. unexplainable scars (when examined under a black light)
g. heard voices
h. a feeling of being possessed by some power, or a living, dead or evil person.
i. unexplainable bruises
j. been adopted, lived in a foster home or orphanage

YES
Are there?

a. strange reactions by what seem to be total strangers
b. unexplainalbe fluctuations of skills and abilities
c. intelligent parents with a wide disparity of abilities between them & the client
d. times the client feels suicidal

YES

Is the client?

a. missing most of his/her childhood memories
b. engaged in espionage, professional sports, exotic dancing, psychic activities, Delta forces or any other profession that might link the victim to mind-control
c. a member of the Catholic Church, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons or Charismatic Movement

hi , have sent you a message

It may be lost.
Unless it's psychic - in which case it is definitely lost ;)

uhhh..

According to your clock, it's still early. Go back to sleep.