How does one let go of the past? How does one learn to forgive those who still to this day have negative effects on your life?

just move on

time will heal it, but never completely.

process it

It's not that easy. It's like telling a clinical depressed person to cheer up.

The only thing that worked for me was to make the conscious decision to forgive. Whenever the thoughts go into the looping thing turn them in another direction. At first it's really hard and sometimes you won't be able to stop yourself right away but with practice you'll get better. Perfection isn't what's needed, just keep changing the thoughts whenever you catch yourself. Eventually you will retrain your brain.

What I do is...I remember then I forget easily.

-joe

Forgiveness is key.
You are in the belly of the beast/underworld. Keep walking forward!
Forgiveness comes in layers. Keep peeling.
Fast track? Look for Sophia

I went to a private school as a child, where I was forced to memorize countless bible verses and other things. As a result, I can recall with clarity people and events from years gone by that most people would have long since forgotten. Forgiveness is simply impossible under these circumstances. My memory is as clear as the world in front of me.

You can live for today.

They have negative effects on your life because you let them, just forgive them and move on. It's on them not you.

Forgiveness doesn't always work. For example, if you forgive a psychopath, they see it as an invitation to hurt you again. That has been my experience.

Psychopaths have no remorse, compassion or empathy, which is why they "still to this day have negative effects on your life", quoting the thread title. About all you can do is steer clear of them.

"Forgiveness" is a POWER. Try to get with me on this spiritual message...


...if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you....


This place is a battle of powers. The "rulers" of this "world" are powers battling in "heavenly realms", I think inside us to a large extent. I tend to believe the "darkness" does NOT want YOU to forgive, hence why it keeps coming up in your mind.

But, the Son of Man has AUTHORITY and the POWER to forgive. Use that authority.

I sure hope that made sense. The darkness will battle inside you to try and prevent you from being in the light and "forgiving".

But the Father has shown many people "psychopaths" because there is something we have to learn.

We are spirits in these fleshly bodies. A psycho path is a "destroyer"...what type of spirit is that messed up?

I've had a hard time forgiving two people from my past...but have found there is a power in praying for them. Prayer gives you the upper hand over the situation because you can now choose to either forgive or hold it against them. There is way much more power in forgiveness....and praying for them reveals that power to you.

What prayers do you pray? Do you go to church, too?

I am not the original poster but would like to make the following suggestions to answer your question about what to pray.

Study the following Scriptures which reveal hindrances to effective prayer:

-Sin of any kind: Isaiah 59:1-2; Psalm 66:18;Isaiah 1:15; Proverbs 28:9

-Idols in the heart: Ezekiel 14:1-3

-An unforgiving spirit: Mark 11:25; Matthew 5:23

-Selfishness, wrong motives: Proverbs 21:13; James 4:3

-Power hungry, manipulative prayers: James 4:2-3

-Wrong treatment of marriage partner: I Peter 3:7

-Self-righteousness: Luke 18:10-14

-Unbelief: James 1:6-7

-Not abiding in Christ and His Word: John 15:7

-Lack of compassion: Proverbs 21:13

-Hypocrisy, pride, meaningless repetition: Matthew 6:5; Job 35:12-13

-Not asking according to the will of God: James 4:2-3

-Not asking in Jesus' name: John 16:24

-Satanic demonic hindrances: Daniel 10:10-13; Ephesians 6:12

-Not seeking first the Kingdom: Only when you seek first the Kingdom are you promised the "other things": Matthew 6:33

-When you do not know how to pray as you should, prayer is hindered. This is why it is important to let the Holy Spirit pray through you: Romans 8:26

You already know to let go---that is the first part.

Second: don't let it become your story. Once the bad things that have happened to you become your story, you will get trapped and you will need that story to get attention even if it is in small ways.

Third: Try to realize the good and the bad are part of your journey. I know it is cliche--I know that, but it is true. WE are all here to experience things. And sometimes, the mean guys play into the experience--does that mean that we have to be all happy about the damage done?

No, I don't think so, but I do think that it is helpful to try to see it as part of an experience. YOu might never understand--you might need to stay away from the abuser because they hurt you---but, try to see it as an experience and move yourself on to other experiences.

These are just my ideas and I have been there---more than I even care to relate. Yes, the impact has been a burden, but just don't let it become your story that you rely on or sit on the pity pot. Once on the pity pot, you are going to wallow in mud.

Anyone who has been abused needs comfort and love and they need to talk, but they also need to walk tall and develop their own story.

I don't think we can let go,at least not without a lot of medical intervention. I think triggers will always fly up at us from parts of us that are hidden. The question is how are you going to handle yourself when that happens?

Your Dad? and those bullies? They abused you and your trust. That is awful and it absolutely sucks, but I wonder if you can see that you are still giving them energy?

I'd imagine a lot of it you can't control, like if I used one of the phrases your father used against you...you'd probably see red, and then your brain would link the experience right back to him. It's almost hardwired into you. ( I'm making quite a few assumptions here). But when other people hear those same words? They won't have your experience. So I wouldn't ask you to let go of what happened to you. That marginalizes your experience. I'd say acknowledge it, and "move along".

It happened. It hurt. But look at you, haven't you matured, and separated yourself from all of that? Don't spend time or energy in reliving those painful experiences. When the pain comes, as it might, let it wash over you, and then, let it flow straight away again. It's just a feeling, don' be afraid of a feeling. It isn't YOU. It's the residue of an old unpleasant memory.

Maybe you are just a little too excited...you are getting counseling, you think you are on the right track, you are trying to let go of all of that crap...and naturally you want it completely wiped from your life. But using the stormy sea metaphor, it isn't the sea you want gone! It's the roughness and the tearing away of your roots that you want gone. But it is gone isn't it?

You are at a different place now. The wicked storm is blown out to sea. You have some wonderful and awesome choices ahead of you. You can worry forever about what might have been... or you can take pride in the fact that you weathered it all! You are strong. You are whole. You are probably a nice person. :)

I wish you well.

Alzheimer's

Don't let your mind loop. When the negative emotions/thoughts come, accept them and then release them. Don't let these events continue to hurt you by hanging on to these feelings.

You can't change the past, it is part of your experience. You are strong and capable of changing your present. Practice mindfulness, sometimes I think about the wind. It never hangs on to anything it just blows and it is truly free.

I hear hot yoga helps with mood. Sending you healing vibes!

There is only one way:

Forgive him. Forgive any one who has hurt you.

Forgive.

it is the greatest gift - TO YOU, and secondarily to them.

You will be relieved of a terribly heavy burden you are carrying.

Christ modeled forgiveness. You may have other models.

It is the only way to drop the burden you have been carrying for so long.

Lots of hugs. You are NOT alone.

Thread: A CURE FOR DEPRESSION....this will cheer you up.

Look at it from THIS^^^ perspective.

I found that anything no matter how bad when looked at through this lense fades into meaningless insignificance.

in a past life YOU were the abusive one.

This is a balancing life, for many in fact.
Do the best that you can to get completely balanced so the next life will be easier. Unless you have chosen a more challenging life next time. We choose the challenges in each life time - for spiritual growth...

The past will continue to bug you until you deal with it, all the therapy has done is train your mind to work around your true feelings, which will contuine to surface until released. Forgive others and let it go, if it comes back it's because you picked up what you let go, remind yourself , " I let it go" and with love because that's the only true way to heal anything. If these others are still in your life and a problem, remove them from your life and tell them why, but let them know how much you love them always, then let them go. You create your own happiness, no one can tell you what to do, and what makes you happy, only the true you can. Get in touch again with you.

Lots of love to you

Elle

Oxx

Read Eckhart Tolle he will help you with a new way of thinking/no thinking.

Don't forget to forgive YOURSELF too :)

If you can't forgive then pray for help to not think about those who have hurt you.

Mainly, don't let "victim" become your identity.

It's kind of cheesey but your life is a movie, everything that happened in the past is the backstory. The movie starts when you wake up tomorrow.....what do you have to do to become the hero? What would a hero do? How would they turn it all around.

Also it's important to remember a relationship is something that happens when someone wants to be part of your story. A relationship isn't the story. It's not the goal, it's something that happens while your fighting for your goal.

So yeah, diet/exercise, maybe get blood work to make sure you've got the essential vitamins and minerals. I had low testosterone and holy shit TRT has changed my entire attitude in a couple weeks. Go be your hero. Savor every minute of life. Explore what makes you happy.

It's easier said than done but remember the past is the past. It's done forever. You can't let the past dictate your future. It's never too late.

You let the people who hurt you continue to have power over your life ?

Time to move on

^^^just to add, get off GLP. This place is 85% misery, depression and a constant reminder of how shitty the world is. Don't constantly seek out information that bums you out. Don't bury your head but there is absolutely no reason to wallow in this doom cave.

I come here like 2-3x a week vs 2-3x a day last year....and holy shit, I'm less depressed and anxious. And as fascinating as the rabbit hole can be it ultimately has zero effect on your day to day life.

OP, are you me in a different reality? I am exactly where you are, with a nearly identical family history.

You guys say, "Let it go", like it's a bag of potatoes you can just drop and forget about. It's not that easy. I have done tons of work on myself and still I am haunted by the abusive nature of my upbringing.

To those that say 'let it go', what is your trauma? What frame of reference do you have that lets you rationalize, what I read as, treacle?

What is it about forgiveness that eludes me? I agree that forgiveness is a basic pillar to a healthy mind/body/soul, and try as I might I am not able, or maybe unwilling, to "forgive".

As I'm fond of saying, 'I am good at a great many things, relationships just ain't one of them'.