FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH

If you are disruptive they can also have you escourted out.
People at my church are nice, but they would not put up with such things.
Yes, Christians are supposed to forgive and forget, but you are not guarenteed a spot at church. We will forgive you if you are serious, but we don't have to put up with that sort of thing. If you don't take it seriously and are only there to disrupt everything, you will be escorted away.

if you sit just right, farts echo very well on wooden pews. everyone in your vicinity can smell them, everyone in the row can feel them, and the whole attendance can hear them...

Spike the communion wine with LSD..works REAL well at the happy clappy churches..they attribute the trip to GOD..and spend the next ten years talking about their "GREAT VISITAION" and they sell heaps of books and tapes of it...

I did this once...it was SO FUNNY TO WATCH!!!

1.) what do you think I mean by having my hand on my girl? would you like me to get more personal with this?

2.) priests are getting in trouble molesting boys all over the place, more were just caught in my area dating back to who knows when? all that happened to them over time was getting shipped around to other churches for cover. They seem to be alright in the churches eyes for all that time.

3.) since they assume they were still going to heaven and all that nonsense. their jesus should be very please with me since I a.) did not fondle underage kids. b.) I did not fondle boys c.) it was a grown girl that loves me.



im not following why I had to explain all that

WAHAHAH...I cant believe im laughing at fart jokes..lol..

LAWD have mercy!

Ehhh..it was all a joke..really :)

This is a parody..a joke..wasnt meant to be taken serious..really

It is nice to meet another recreational Christain here. I used to love going to a new church on LSD.

Honestly..lets all go to WB church and do all of these!

not a joke from me at all and if it was a joke from you, why didnt you just say so when I asked what you were confused about?

Awesome! Children do not try this at home!

nice, I smoke a little herb before I go. throw the itouch on...

Sorry..=[

Blame it on the monks..im partaking in their ale.

Nah..actually honey mead..its from some witch friend's recipe..good stuff!!! Easy to make, too.

It is never a good idea to try a silent sneeze during prayer.

YAY, churchlady ;)

Do you expect anybody to believe that Bullshit??

You Spiked the communion wine with LSD..

Shhh..just nod and agree :)

OP, have fun burning in Hell

OK!!...Just just nod and agree..What was I thinking??

God, is that you?

haha that is hilarious.. you cute

I certainly did.

WAY back in my misguided youth...1992.

Me and some mates got hold of a bottle of the grape juice they used and put some acid in it.

Went into the church kitchen and put the bottle in the fridge.

Only about a third of the church got hit..but thats what "STARTED THE GREAT VISITATION"..and they raved on and on about it for the next ten years as the "GREAT MOVE OF 92.


FCUK that was funny.


Not bullshitting either.

I used to fart real quiet stinky ones in church. Boy did they stink.

Aww..such a nice god you have! I'll put in a good word for you :)

You should go back and tell them what really happened..nahhhh...screw it

Here..print THIS out and post in on the back of toilet doors in every happy clappy mega church you can find.

Scatter them around church carparks...or hand em out at the door.

===================================================

MATTHEW 23
13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.

Yeah..you lot LOVE to preach a whole lot of HIPOCRITICAL CONDEMING SOUL TEARING MIND NUMBING FEAR AND TERROR BASED CRAP which turns people AWAY from the TRUE way...with smooth deceptive words and well worded sermons designed to feed your WALLETS..and make MILLIONS from your LIES of TWISTED SCRIPYURE(The left behind movies and books)....but tell me this you evil stains on the name of jesus...

WHY wont You do what he SAYS..YOU wont enter in YOURSELVES..and by your UTTERLY ABOMINABLE BEHAVIOUR AND EXAMPLE...no one ELSE wants to either because they LOOK at YOU pathetic easy living cowardly liars and think..RIGHTLY SO..that CHRISTIANS are NOTHING BUT A PACK OF ARGUING SELF CENTERED GREEDY ADULTEROUS LYING HYPOCRITES


14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

Yeah..ya just LOVE the OH SO HOLY prayers..babbling away in tongues and blaspheming the holy spirit with your UTTER ABOMINATIONS(Getting PISSED on the holy spirit)..THIS according to YOUR BIBLE is what you do..USING something HOLY to make MONEY..is BLASHEMY..and using the holy spirit to promote your MONEY MAKING LIES is BLASPHEMY agist the HOLY SPIRIT...ACCORDING to your OWN BIBLE...you DO feed on widows houses..you rake in offerings year after year..from old widows who are too weak to resist the SNARES you set..SHAME on you you pathetic LIFE destroying VIPERS!!

But wait,,,there is MORE.....

15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.

Yeah..ya do this too..seeking ever more victims...who start out as ordinary people...you prey on their fear..their terror..with stories of DOOM and HELLFIRE..you convert them..and then turn THEM TOO..into the SAME brand of UTTER HIPOCRITES AS YOU!!!

23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.


Yeah,,ya LOVE to rake ya tithes in dont ya??..you ONLY pay it to get BLESSED..its all based on GREED and SELFISHNESS.IF you really GAVE a toss about anyone but yourselves..you would GIVE that money to the POOR and the HUNGRY..BUT NO..ya give it to these SWINDLERS to put new STAGES and SCREENS in their churches..to buy in the latest christian ROCK BAND..so you can ACT just like the WORLD you always CONDEMN....


BUT the list of your SHAME goes ON..(I could write a BOOK on your long trail of HIPOCRISY..)

25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

Yeah..ya LOVE to turn up to church..all spiffy looking..all smiles...but within its all pure HELL..as you battle with the FACADE..hoping the REAL human you are deep inside does not SHOW..as you battle with LUST and ANGER..and HATE..and all the while jealousy and envy grows..and greed..and slander....while church after church falls apart as minister after minister is caught YET again with their cock frimly planted in the vagina of a woman who is NOT THEIRS...HINN..SWAGGART..all of em..BENTLY..what a total FARCE you vipers are...and you know what????ONE common DENOMINATOR among all of these CHARLATANS???.....MONEY MONEY GREED AND MORE MONEY..and ADULTERY

BUT the list goes ON.....

27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, HYPOCRITES! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.

Ya look all clean..but inside you are DIRTY LUSTFUL COWARDLY SELFISH VIPERS.
And THIS according to YOUR BIBLE..is WHAT Jesus is gonna DO to LIARS LIKE YOU....

51 And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the HYPOCRITES: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

HOpe ya got a good dental plan and LOTS of sunblock handy....

8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the LAKE which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

Let me break this down a bit for ya so you heartless vipers can FINALLY understand it eh??


8 But the fearful,

(YEP..thats you NEW AGE CHRISTIAN RAPTURE/PROSPERITY BLESS ME BLESS ME TARDS..always AFRAID and wanting to get OUTTA here while everyone else BURNS

and unbelieving,

(Yep..thats you lot TOO..cause if you actually BELIEVED the bible like you SAY you do..ya would NOT be such a bunch of loveless lying hipocritical money and good times worshipping LIARS)

and the abominable,

(Yes..thats you lot too..your behaviour towards your brothers and the rest of the world is just ABOMINABLE!...an ABOMINATION!!

and murderers,

(HOW many widows have died in their homes..MURDERED by their lack of funds for more medicine because YOU lot conned them out of their money??..or told sick people to STOP taking their medicine because if they did nOT they lacked FAITH and God would not heal them..PURE rubbish and LIES..you are WORSE than JWS refusing blood to the dying)

and whoremongers,

(Yep..how many of you secretly sleep around..or lust after women or men in your heart?..whoreing after flesh or money..or gain...or a wonderful FEELING in some drummed up atmosphere "Worship" meeting?..THIS is what it means..a deep endless lusting to GRATIFY yourselves..to CONSTANTLY AND UNENDINGLY PLEASE YOURSELVES!)

and sorcerers,

(AHH yes..the MAIN one that the pastors of these illuminati NEW AGE CON artists love..sorcery..beguiling with words..using the "Anointing" like a drug..when its ALL just a manufactured atmosphere with loud ponding drum beats in a VERY worldly concert hall setting brought about to BEWITCH and SWINDLE and HYPNOTISE..and THIS is what it means)

and idolaters,

(Idolatry..the modern churches FAVOURITE passtime..they worship WORSHIP itself..and FEELINGS..and PEOPLE..and MONEY..and BOOKS..and MOVIES..seems they idolise ANYTHING..but GOD..what a bunchh of UTTER AND TOTAL LIARS)

and all liars,shall have their part in the LAKE which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

SELF explainatory is it NOT?)

8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.
9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor EFFEMINATE, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Need I say more???

sorry, Mr Oz..that hurt my head to read..lol