How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?

Ultimately, you tailor your life after what you think you deserve.

Actually, i came to the same conclusion this night.
I start NOW to consciously decide on each day.

Meditate.

I can honestly say I've never felt, in any life, that I deserve this. This is completely alien to me. Jussayin...

Build a spaceship out of cardboard, eat some magic brownees and take off.

Been difficult of late, but I'll keep trying. :\

Get yourself some meditating crystals...

Keep on trying...

[link to www.kacha-stones.com]

You'll see.

Tried that yesterday. Unfortunately, I'm back already. Shit blows. This planet fucking sucks.

I'm talking about the evil genius that is known as your subconscious mind. The way I see it, your conscious mind goes out into the world, and gets for you, what it thinks you want. Your sub conscious mind goes out into the world, and tries to manipulate the world into giving you, what it thinks you deserve. Just MHO.

Every soul has a purpose...Live it!

OP. You're probably not looking for anecdotal feedback; but I would like to offer something just for consideration, please.

If I can't change my environment; I change my attitude.

And when I can't change my attitude, I change my environment.

Yes. You do need a break from it all. We all do from time to time.

If you are not currently keeping a journal, then grab a pen and paper and spill it. Write it all down.

Normally, when we sleep, our brains do their level best to sort through information, data, memories, etc...to determine how best to sort through it all, file it in the appropriate bin and discard anything extraneous.

If you haven't been getting enough sleep, this can play a huge part in the quality of you awake time. So, help your brain out by intervening to "clean up the clutter".

I really hope you're not suggesting anything extreme. But, if it is that bad for you right now, I hope at a minimum, that you will keep this thread alive, until it all gets sorted out.

;o)

Have you considered you may be being gang-stalked?

Rare, but it happens. I mean, apparently this whole GLP drama revolved around that. You can find lots of info online.

And if you haven't already, maybe go see a doctor, make sure there's nothing chemical going on?

Whatever you do, good luck, OP, and just remember that there are actually lots of good people out there.

The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...

suicide by cop? technically you wouldnt be doin the killing , but while your at it shoot a couple of those assholes right in their empty nutsacks for me k ?

find inner peace with your own soul...

lol although I'm tempted to scream THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!, I'm oddly comforted, and I thank you. ;P

lol I'll see what I can do

dump him move forward that's the first step...
then take a vacation...

How does the rest of this Troll go?

I know, even through everything I can usually still feel the good ones. I just get overwhelmed...

I've looked in to gang stalking, I just have no idea why I would be targeted. I've experienced basically everything on the checklists, though...

I see a neurologist once a month for MS, they keep an eye on all of my "proper functions" because I'm participating in a study, but I can ask her opinion at my next appointment. She knows me well enough to know I don't need to be immediately shipped off to the hospital, haha.

:)

How am I a Troll??

Brew up some Ayahuasca and get a look at what's really going on here.
[link to www.herbalfire.com]

Your segway into the homo sexuality realm wasn't very subtle......Thanks for playing.

Hmm...must be because even though my life is currently overwhelming, I still try to maintain a little shred of a sense of humor and positivity about things, just to keep my head above water...an alien concept to the underdeveloped, I know.

I wish this planet worked off the basis of survival of the mentally fittest.

Waking up to the video playing on the computer monitor wasn't very subtle, as most discoveries of this nature tend to...not be. Thanks for failing at your attempted personal superiority, ego boost.

Good that you're seeing a dr. regularly. If you're experiencing the checklist of gang-stalking, though, maybe start keeping a journal? This will at least help you know if you're actually remembering what you think you are.

I haven't been through this, exactly, but I was targeted by a systemic campaign at a workplace once they found out I was queer. It was very subtle; they knew the law well. But I kept a journal. I couldn't have sued them on that basis, and I didn't want to, but it definitely helped me know I wasn't imagining it.

And start taking pics too!

It isn't always catharsis to talk about this stuff. I hope this is one of those rare occasions when it does help; however.

Attitude v Environment. I forgot to elaborate on the whole entire point I wanted to make. I realize that we can't just haul ass when we have responsibilities but...when I say change the environment, I mean that in the most literal sense of the matter.

Run...go...do something completely different. Bite your tongue, bide your time, and go experience the things that make life worth living. I don't expect you to trust the words of a complete stranger, some shadow poster on the net. But, I can tolerate quite a bit when I have expended all of the pent up energies that allow stress to take hold.

So, I ride my bicycle until all of my problems seem minor. Your mileage may vary. Just kidding. Gotcha...ya know...pun intended.

And I don't mean this to sound patronizing, nor to minimize real emotion. What I am saying is hang on.

;o)

Andddddddd ...to further elaborate.

How about a little perspective on those around you.

If you want to know what is important to someone, don't ask them. See how they spend their time.

IF you planned something really cool to do, say for Spring and Summer. Yes. Something you could only dream of doing, could you pull it off?

Could you plan it, plan for it and then do it?

Get all of your energies out. Get 'em out. Get tired.

Get some seriously well needed, well deserved sleep. I mean that in a "No shit" sort of way, too.

Regroup, reproach and change your outlook on the short term, keeping the long term in focus.

The "I Just don't Give a Fuck" factor helps immensely. It's all about perspective; especially in the short term.

Good that you're seeing a dr. regularly. If you're experiencing the checklist of gang-stalking, though, maybe start keeping a journal? This will at least help you know if you're actually remembering what you think you are.

I haven't been through this, exactly, but I was targeted by a systemic campaign at a workplace once they found out I was queer. It was very subtle; they knew the law well. But I kept a journal. I couldn't have sued them on that basis, and I didn't want to, but it definitely helped me know I wasn't imagining it.

And start taking pics too!


Good idea about the journal, I hadn't thought about writing things down from that perspective.

Sorry to hear about your job being so backwards. I'm glad you seem to have made it through it ok, though.

Hmm...maybe I should invest in a camera, haha.

If I were to only reply with this... :3 ...would it be clear that I picked up and absorbed everything from both of your recent replies? ;D

Seriously, though, thank you so much. This is great advice, and it will help me maintain some perspective and perhaps even a little of my own sanity during this...process?

I always get giddy as a schoolgirl when someone matches my tone of seriousness blended with light-hearted sarcasm. Much love, Friend.