LAST CALL - "make me laugh"... the funniest humor will be voted on tonight - submit your entry today!!

I love this thread, but how does it have so many views when other threads with hundreds of pages get less?

Oh, sorry! Here's something funny:

[link to www.youtube.com]

Last Edited by xen on 09/28/2011 05:58 AM

This thread is awesome !


Happy B-Day Astrochik !











Our Dolphin Bretheren bust out !














.

Laughter, the best medicine.

Here's a song from a fellow Lady Libra ~







to chase away doom , focus on your favorite things !



















/\

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.....................................

My eldest daughter was front and centre for the birth of her sister. Nine months later, number one asked me this -

"Mum, how did the first person push herself out of her own vagina?"

At age four and a half.

From a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... Will keep you posted.

This is me (yes, me!) trying to conduct some interviews:



Happy Birthay Astrochik!

[youtube] [link to youtu.be]

Says the Bartender: "Hey, no faster-than-light particles are allowed in here". A Neutrino walks into a bar...

I am a redneck living deep in the national forest and I have a poem for ya'll.

Barbecue, watermellon, cadillac car............ we not as dumb as you think we is!

Russel Peters: RED, WHITE AND BROWN

[link to www.youtube.com]

Russell Peters - Chinese, Indians, Jamaicans, Italians

[link to www.youtube.com]

Old Lady Skydive [from www.metacafe.com] #1.wmv
[link to www2.villa.ch]

Old Lady Skydive [from www.metacafe.com] #1.wmv
[link to www.youtube.com]

Wow, heh heh ! What did you answer ?

I'd like to live there. She is amazing & no debt is even more amazing!!

What's this about? Yeah, I get the Rick part, but wtf..

More please...

Thanks very much for all the funny stuff already posted...

but...I'm a joke-junkie...

Enough - is never enough!!!

More more more!!!!!!!!!

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

One night, a cop was stalking out a rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on four different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The cop was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

Nice.

Ready for more....

COme on MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!

Kathy and her husband Bob went for counseling after 10 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Kathy went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 10 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Kathy to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Kathy shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?'

Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

Dogs are the best