To the woman who pooped in my car (Best Craigs List Ad ever) | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 698507 United Kingdom 06/09/2009 08:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Richard Strong (OP) User ID: 471457 United States 06/09/2009 08:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Never mind a pin, it needs a health and safety warning. Just how do you get coffee out of the keyboard? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 698507You don't...i guess i just call the IT guys and have em bring a sham wow or something??? I am Richardus Strongus. Father to a murdered 'Refreshtard' thread, Husband to a deleted Top 10 thread. I will have my vengeance on the Lightworkers ..in this life or the next. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 633663 United States 06/09/2009 09:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 699050 Canada 06/09/2009 09:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 633663 United States 06/09/2009 10:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Enaid User ID: 515273 United States 06/09/2009 10:33 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Fart gambling?? Vegas anyone? Quoting: Richard StrongWhat's the odds on that type of gambling? That's a 'messy' gamble in this case! I've gambled on a few and lost in my day! Maybe you should use one of them there shampons. -- You may as well have asked for that one! Personal responsibility - try it sometime. Quit blaming others for your bad choices. Consequences happen. :enaid11: |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 698789 United States 06/09/2009 10:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Quoting: xham-sammichx +! One day a couple decades ago I was at work in an office where the cubicles have their backs to each other, about 8 of them 4 on each side. Mine wasn't in that row, however. So I'm standing there listening to someone tell me a story when I felt like I had to fart. I couldn't cut this person off and I couldn't hold it. It was one of those silent but deadly ones, which I couldn't predict. As soon as this person shut up I had to walk down the entire row of cubes to get back to my desk and was hoping I could make it. Nope. So I get back to my desk and I start hearing my co-workers saying stuff like "It wasn't me" and "Turn the fan on, it's coming this way." I couldn't stop laughing. Later on, someone walked by me and gives me a really dirty look, they figured out it was me. I did what any idiot would do in that situation. I stood at the end of the row of cubicles and apologized with a totally straight face. Some smart ass said "You might want to see a doctor for that." I just cracked up. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 698219 United States 06/10/2009 12:24 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 633663 United States 06/10/2009 01:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Believe it or not, it was a true ad in Craigslist. I read it online at work and almost blew coffee out of my nose. The OP of that ad is from Missoula, Montana. I think it was written sometime in April of this year. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 698219And it's a classic for the ages... So, go now, good GLPers, and henceforth & evermore do (doo doo...snort, snort) spread this tale of "she who poopeth in the car." |
Frigg Stuyvesant User ID: 621289 United States 06/10/2009 01:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 633663 United States 06/10/2009 01:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Maybe you should use one of them there shampons. Quoting: Frigg Stuyvesant-- You may as well have asked for that one! BWAAAH HAHAHAHA HA HA !!! Classic GLP poo thread. ...and what's the only thing that could possibly improve it? MORE COWBELL!! (there's your cue, Frigg...) :dogncat: |
OneAngryMom User ID: 697082 United States 06/10/2009 01:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show the story I heard was that the couple got married, but who knows....funny story whether it's made up or not: We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off |
Andromeda User ID: 658410 United States 06/10/2009 01:16 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show Quoting: OneAngryMom<snip> As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off Holy cow that's absurdly funny. Something oddly intimate in that ritual, AngryMom! Last Edited by Andromeda on 06/10/2009 01:16 AM |
Frigg Stuyvesant User ID: 621289 United States 06/10/2009 01:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Earth Daughter User ID: 312775 United States 06/10/2009 01:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 39851 United States 06/10/2009 01:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them. |
anonymous User ID: 699163 United States 06/10/2009 01:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | To the woman that crapped in my car… - Quoting: Richard StrongI am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat… What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché… ***Got this in an email...don't know the validity of it but funny as hell.... you are worth forgeting .. you are crass and dumb. everyone has had an occasion stomach vius that suddendly caused loose bowels hidden in occasional gassy stomach or vague unusual intestinal cramps ... since no reply came to you from her, it is ovious that she is not interested.. so your crass unsensitive remarks and may even still be insulting to her ...... go crawl under your rock, moron. What educated adult still uses the "poop" word and "pee" word any way . kids use that when they are little, but older kids even say "excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom" .that says intentions . So why dont you grow up . and use adult language .. poop and pee words trashy people's words . were you raised by a unwed teen .from a welfare home. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 39851 United States 06/10/2009 02:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39851Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them. LOL...imagine how they would be giggling and suddenly a huge bear roars and their faces would be contorted into stark terror in an instant. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 690903 United States 06/10/2009 02:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Fart gambling?? Vegas anyone? Quoting: xham-sammichxWhat's the odds on that type of gambling? 50/50...you either do it or you don't. Same odds apply to everything. Will you won the lottery? Easy to figure...you either do it or you don't...obviously a 50/50 chance. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 646022 United States 06/10/2009 11:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | and here's another story......Snopes calls it false, probably, but the story was told on Jay Leno's Tonight Show Quoting: OneAngryMomthe story I heard was that the couple got married, but who knows....funny story whether it's made up or not: We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize, hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off great read to lighten the heart! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 699383 United States 06/10/2009 11:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I had to laugh! PS, when I accidentally fart in front of my 3 yr old great grandson, we laugh and laugh and laugh, so I'm guilty as well and I'm a woman. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 699079 United States 06/10/2009 10:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39851Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. That would be even more zany if a grizzly bear had mauled them both and killed them. LOL...imagine how they would be giggling and suddenly a huge bear roars and their faces would be contorted into stark terror in an instant. STFU retard! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 699079 United States 06/10/2009 10:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | To the woman that crapped in my car… - Quoting: anonymous 699163I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat… What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché… ***Got this in an email...don't know the validity of it but funny as hell.... ....................................................... you are worth forgeting .. you are crass and dumb. everyone has had an occasion stomach vius that suddendly caused loose bowels hidden in occasional gassy stomach or vague unusual intestinal cramps ... since no reply came to you from her, it is ovious that she is not interested.. so your crass unsensitive remarks and may even still be insulting to her ...... go crawl under your rock, moron. What educated adult still uses the "poop" word and "pee" word any way . kids use that when they are little, but older kids even say "excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom" .that says intentions . So why dont you grow up . and use adult language .. poop and pee words trashy people's words . were you raised by a unwed teen .from a welfare home. Oops..i meant this retard! |
ALeopardSanctuary User ID: 699422 Canada 06/10/2009 10:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | yoohoo or choco bev probably gives squirts. glad i don't like them Brother sun, intuition moon. Home at the forest. Sure every post I have mentions goat blood...How do you think we get plasma tv's? Organic needs are being assaulted. I'm not amused by this & encourage all to grow heirloom seed for themselves. The garden gives greatest power. Diabetes curing food list [Forget the FDA - Think for yourself]: Thread: Every item recently recalled by FDA for salmonella has diabetic healing also prostate Big Pharma rids their competition |
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