I QUIT SMOKING , YOU CAN TOO. I QUIT SEPT 27, 2012, SUPPORT EACH OTHER HERE

What page is that post on? I will remove it. Thanks. DF

Geez Hawk! You went out and shoveled snow at this early stage of the game in quitting? ! Wow. I couldn't have been trusted having a shovel in my hands with the mood swings I was getting at that stage of the game quitting. People would not have been safe on the streets! lol

Good for you! You're strong!

Yes Salt, we must not worry about you. And we do of course.I appreciate your prayers.

How's everybody else doing? OneSoulDyah, you are a gift to this thread. Such expertise is profoundly appreciated here.

Another day. Another day.
We are strong. We are invincible.

Liberation. That's all we need.

Love you all
Fellow strugglers

Thanks, will check them out sometime today!

My cravings switched today from smokes to beer so I jsut shoveled and shoveled....kept my mind off of things. Pretty good and tired now. Another day in the books. I promised myself 12 weeks of no drinking.. and usaully when I fail quitting smoking is becasue I drink... so trying to kill two birds with one stone.

Grumps - It's a good struggle and you've got all it takes. You've been doing it. You are doing it. I agree though, the struggles within are tougher than any I come up against outside of me.

Wherever we go, there we are.

That said,

Flower pots now hold things of life and beauty (even dirt covered in snow is teeming and trembling waiting for Spring) not crushed clips in twistd herds waiting for desperation to pluck the pot. No more errant butts for you.

You're had some wonderful days where you have felt so very happy, grateful, and proud to be smoke-free. Alive. Breath. Breathing.

You've extended yourself here in love and service to strangers you've never met and most likely will never meet. You've sprang toward new arrivals with an open heart and humble, self-effacing generousity. Your heart is strong, Grumps.

Your struggle matters. Refining the meddle of and resolve of the woman formally known as Grumps.

Always a friend in me, Madam.

i took care of it

That's why I couldn't find it. Thanks sweetie

Shit day here. Would love to smoke like a paper-slipper wearing asylum inmate today.

Huge fight with my wife and son over shoveling the snow. My son is 11 and I push him hard. I know I bring my childhood, upbringing, and life experience to my love and guidance of him. I have to remember he's not me. Have to remember there is so much more to loving a son than making him "tough."
Too often that's my default. My default and my fault.

So today I take him outside to shovel with me. He does it for a bit and then starts feigning fatigue. My wife comes out with our three-year-old (our two teen girls are out with friends) and takes the shovel from my son and starts working while he fucks-off. I'm irritated. It's only been 40 minutes. His mother works hard enough with other stuff. This is his gig as a boy.

Long story short, big blow-up with my wife about how coddling the kid isn't going to help him in the real world. Even as I'm going off, I don't believe half the things I'm saying. But the train had left the station and I was riding that self-righteous steam to the end. Kept looking for where the voice was coming from. Sounded like my father, but he was miles away.

Now I'm dug-in (seems no one is shoveling-out today; must be in the blood). Behind a closed door feeling small. Self-righteousness, being invested in being right, always leaves me alone. Right where the smoke wants me to be. "Fuck this! Have a smoke. An old friend.

Of course, it's bullshit. Just saying it out loud. A friend doesn't slowly eat you away. Isn't intent on killing you. Slowly. Ignobly.

This will pass and I'm grateful to be smoke-free among you all.

Times like these are the weakness nicotine loves to step in and make you strong. We know how ever, that smoking makes us weaker don't we. Don't let any emotion throw you off the ship, the voyage is not complete. DF

So true, DF. True.

I get what you are saying Mac...

Now that there is no nicotine to mask out emotions, they are raw. I was on the self-righteous train myself this morning. Thank God my partner was still willing to sit and pray and meditate with me after my rant... By the time our 15 minutes of meditation ended I was able to humble myself and let go of my "being" right in favour of being love.

oneLOVE Buddy.

Keep it real and you have shown us you do have a beautiful heart.;;


oneLOVEsoulJAH

Dearest Mac,
How well I know this ragged emotional world we live where we now have to learn to deal with things instead of literally inhaling and bottling our feelings up with nicotine. Always there, isn't it. But you are strong.

Sounds like your father is still with you. We are still children no matter how bloody old we get.

You know... not that I know things or anything, but I'll bet if you took your 11 year old son and sat him down and honestly explained why you reacted the way you did and what you want dearly to teach him about the world, maybe in ways that seem harsh, that he will learn even better the lessons you want him to learn. Think of how you wanted your father to be different with you... honour that child within you.

I had a cigarette.

I lied today. I lied. I lied. I lied.

I have also cried. But I've flushed the pack down the toilet and I am back again. I hate myself. I am a fraud. Today I'm a fraud. But tomorrow I will not be.

I didn't want to tell you all.

I smoked because I had a situation I didn't know how to handle. It was anger again and not knowing how to work around it like a freaking adult I ran to nicotine because I do not know the person I am who is emotionally honest even when angry. When do we grow up?

I'm sorry guys. Tomorrow I will not be a fraud.

BMac, stay strong and hold your family close. Love them but love yourself as much.

Me

DF

That one cigarette taught you so much about you today. And it gave you a gift of becoming more honest and truly seeing that you no longer want to harm yourself as a way to deal with reality and your emotions.

I feel your pain of 'slipping' and picking up. Unlike the strength you displayed by flushing the pack away. I went on to smoke for 5 years after not smoking for 16. You have put them down right away.

And I respect you for being honest - the timing is irrelevant, the fact that you were honest with us is what matters, cause in that moment you were honest with yourself - in front of us.

oneLOVE

DF, thank you for still feeling the love for a fool like me.

OneLove, you are right of course. as ever. I am worried because I did this once before with the flower pot. It was as if because I picked up after that one that I could pick up again. I fell into the trap of thinking I could do it again. I need to figure out how to direct my anger at myself and with others better. It took everything I had to throw out the pack. Next time I might not be so lucky.

I guess you guys are going to be the recipient of my long essays on frustration and anger because I know that is the one way I know to cope with what I'm woefully inadequate at coping with. I write. I must write it out. Like BMax... if we have a fight with the spouse we need to write it.. we need to listen to it.. we need to honour it and we need others to tell us if we're crazy or how to deal with it.

I need to learn honesty that is gentle instead of honesty that comes from fear when angry.

Don't they have courses in that?

Why don't they have courses in that?

We need to write the course on that. We could write the book on it...

Love you all

Silly Grump

hil-friggin-arious

i love your posts

You are a human, a human with an addiction, far from being a fool love. I love your bone honest post, keep blessing us with your heart. DF

So do I, he has been a gift from heaven for this thread. DF

11 days!


going strong :)

i got this.

hope everyone else is on top of it.

its actually pretty easy.

I really need to jump on this bandwagon. :( Good work guys, I'm still trying to take the first step. Right now I'm working on not smoking as much by not smoking in my car, etc

Baby steps til you make the leap works for some I guess. Keep us posted. DF

DF

Mac, Don't sweat it pal, My 12 year old boy is a lazy little lima bean....and if I heard some of the things that my wife tells me he says, I would have to kill him, fortunately he's a perfect angel around me and is always willng to hang out. Work...not so much, so I fully get ya there.

Grumpy, Don't you sweat it either, when we fall, we fall hard, not halfway, all the way. You admitted it and are ready to get up again, and for that, there is even more love, respect and grattitude for you than ever before.

New Zealand, nice job and hopefully the testimonies on this thread will help you as much as they have helped me and all others.....

Always remember that the stress, anger, fear, jelousy, love, hate and all other things that were triggers, will still be there whether we smoke or not....
We just have to stand up and face them, and with a full heart we can be true to ourselves and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Don't worry Grump, you can always be a quitter! Even if you have to start again. Man don't sweat the small stuff. Quiet introspection helps me rise above anger, it has taken some time but it works for me, getting to the core of why I hated myself so much (found that my dad had something to do with it)and accepting it helps. I have been tested really hard lately and I have come through without smoking so I know it can be done and I know you can do it also!

Last Edited by Riggsalent on 02/09/2013 08:51 PM

Thanks to all. As always, nice to have a safe place to anchor for a bit.
Peace in the Middyeast tonight; all quiet on the front here. The pugalist at rest.

NZ - Good to see you. You had this from the start. Glad it's easy. Congrats.

Anon - Not smoking in the car is a great place to start if that's the way to go for you. Couldn't do that myself. Liken it to pulling a bandaid off ever so slooowwwly. But you know what's good for you. Keep jumping-in and let us know if we can help. A lot of smart cookies here. And that they know how to stay off the smokes is gravy for the feast. Glad you're here.

Grumps. Sometimes a smoke's just a smoke. Still ahead of the game. I just hope you don't use that cigarette as a club to beat yourself up. Like others have said, damn admirable you copped to it. Shows you're committed to putting them down on some level. You could have kept it to yourself and no one would be the wiser. Except, of course, the most important person. So you took care of yourself by saying what was so. Nice to know we're allowed to tell the truth and people will still care for us. Value us. Will not give up on us.
Day One tomorrow (with a lot of clean days before).
Not a race. No finish line. Tortise and Hare strolling the path together.
A fly for the tortise. A flower for the Hare.
No great humph, hurry, or hoorah when you stay in the day. Easy.

We be easy like Sunday morning, Grumps. Brand new day.

Sorry to hear that Grumps, but you can't dwell on the one, think of the strength it took to dispose of the rest. Time to move on my freind. Everyday is a new day.

Morning, Hawk -

Seven Days! A week for you today! Congratulations. What an Accomplishment!

Great stuff and I'm really happy for you.

Let's recap:

You're shoveled out, Miller light is off, and you're a smoke-free superhero.

Who's got it better than you? Big congratulations, Hawk.

Just encountered 21 minutes of someone having a meltdown on me because they could not take the pressure of waiting for their turn in the que for snow plowing...

Our house is the last...theirs is the first on this list for plowing. CT is still trying to shovel out, parts of the highway are closed, streets are still unplowed...

Anyhooo....thought I would share it here, take some herbs for my nerves, have a little something to eat and LET IT GO!!!!

oneLOVE all...

soulJAH

I be here.
Thank you all.

Stay strong.