I Declare Myself a Fucking Idiot

I don't know if the GLP effect will work on this one op.

I liked Mr. Intellectual Badass, that dude was waaaaaaaaay more fun than Mr. Fucking Idiot. He coming back anytime soon?

*taps foot impatiently*


But there a hug...for your weird girly side.

hey OP you a cool dude just step back for a while your a very serious person go have some fun laugh at yourself and others.... we are all fucking idiots

I had a discussion with Dion on my Septenary Man thread, and it is crazy when I look at my old writings, writings more than 20 years old of mine. Fuck. I've accomplished them. I was on a quest to touch my soul, my spirit, and see what I was comprised of.

Throughout my entire life there has been an ache, a longing, to struggle through all the many illusions of what we are before we have been entangled in the web of the human condition.

The human condition is comprised of unreality. It is comprised of errors and distortions and longing and blindness, and false hopes and deception and the worst of it; relying on others to find the self. Co-dependence and crutches and fantasies and all the many, many disturbing, debilitating constructs of fear and doubt.

I have asked the questions throughout my life, since the time I can remember: What are we and what are we here for?

Even when these answers become known, there is no relief or release like we think there will be. Unfortunately, learning or suspecting the answers...well the answers remain
beyond human expression. It is akin to trying to describe, in full and in perfect form beyond equivocation , the reason why you love your child, or the reason you were born. Read the tales of the saints.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]
Read of St. John of the Cross and Saint Teresa of Avila. Their experiences, according to modern day Christians on this site would be of demonic influence.

Ah, I am getting off on a tangent.

There is no 100% absolution. I know now why the religious find such comfort in believing something from outside themselves will provide full absolution. How/why? Because it cannot be done save for fantasies and beliefs and the power of conformity that chains the soul.

The chains, the restriction, the boundaries that the human condition has constructed about itself...are comforting. We have been indoctrinated, composed of since our first breath, the predisposed human fallacy of not cycles, but of a singular beginning and end.

It all needs to be redone. The holy wars, the separation, the judgements, the righteousness. There is a problem though. Before, these things were isolated ideologies. Now, they consume the world. Not to mention the vices of greed and vanity.

We are due a cleansing. Cleansing does not mean death, but it does mean a painful SCRUB; a painful clearing of things attached to us that are not of our own self.

ALL the things you experience in this life are your own...

~ I need to get back in touch with myself. I have strayed a very long way from my center. It is difficult being this sensitized to the world, to the people surrounding my life.
I want to go deep, deep down into the thing that I am. Touch my soul and release it. Let it flow out and consume my subjective being.
I can sense it here. I feel it. It’s just out of sight. It feels strange. It is here. And it is me. But it feels like someone else.
I hope one day I allow it to span this chasm of fear and sorrow that I have dug. Let my soul cross it, and like the sands beneath the ocean waves, I will let it engulf me and let it preside over the confusion and doubts that have constructed my life.

me too

Nevermore

if you've never seen the movie 'revolver'. watch it. if you've ever taken a suggestion from a glpr..this would be the time to do it.

if you've seen the movie revolver, watch it again.

Shipwreck is what you shoud have as an avitar...lol

:strange 88:

What is this feeling? It is so fucking heavy. It never relents, it merely requires a different way of handling the feelings, shuffling around the weight so it is bearable.

Perhaps this is the way that people with addictions feel.

Damn...night after night, clearing away all the past feelings, reconciling with every person I have ever 'known'. Clearing it all out, leaving me a tired wreck of over-abused emotions that reflect as if those reconciliations are an over all reality, when they are most likely my own.

It can't be this way for anyone, for everyone. I do not know how to...lift it without making me bend so. Perhaps these things I experience are not real, and I am behaving as if they are.

I am 44 years old. I have striven for most of my life to find out what has happened to me. What if, like others in the world, I discover that it is all bullshit? I probably wouldn't mind, as long as I am able to stop thinking.

Probably the worst thing I could have done is let others know of what I have been through. By writing it down, or speaking of it, I embed it deep into my self. Why is it not better to let if flow through without...

I think about people living to an old, ripe age, and it terrifies me. I cannot imagine living these 44 years all over again, and more than half of those years forgotten in the depths of birth, childhood and debauchery.

What makes me really fucked up, is that I am writing this on a public forum, to people I don't even 'know' in real life. A declare myself a fucking idiot to be known, and therefor used and abused, understood and in the end, obviously manipulated.

Does it matter in the end? I have been told it does, yet to remain true to self is what I aspire to. To all those that do not aspire to that, god help you.

Oh my stars, that explains my ailment! LOL
Love it...

Jihad bro Jihad.....Holy war against yourself....

I feel your pain.

:strange 88:

Lol. Good post, and it does all get boring, processing, processing, changing, blah.

But! Is it wrong to announce your thoughts and intuitions all over the net? I don't think so. When you know there is more going on than most people in the world, and you have the ability to explain it, and you cannot find an audience in your immediate environment, then taking it to the world is all you can do. In fact, it is probably what you were supposed to do with it.

When you know people need to work together to bring about a new world for us all, how can you find and connect with them if you keep quiet about being aware and ready to go yourself. You cannot draw those you need to meet into your life, if you hide your purpose or plans.

The main problem then is the variety of people in your audience, as you cannot target those who would want to hear your message like you can in person. So then you encounter all sorts of abuse, arguments and opposition.

But was it wrong to provoke those? When in amongst it all you found some people of a similar heart and soul understanding.

That was why I became an AC not long after joining. I noticed the good posters attracted a following, and also hecklers or detractors. I didn't want to be noticed by either group. But, the information still needs to get out there, and discussion generated.

So again, the problem is not in doing what we do, it is in how others react to it.

Like the person who said they partied hard and walked the walk of shame often. Did you feel shame while you were walking it? Usually you are still laughing about the escapades of the night before. It is only once we are totally sober again, and we consider the reaction we will now be in line for from others, that we begin to wish we behaved ourselves.

Seems better to call a jerk a jerk, than to label yourself one unfairly.

The Jerk