Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

Drunken mods pin 7th version of this thread...

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Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is Anonymous Coward 28 831
(9) 08/03/11
9:52 PM 08/03/11
10:39 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is Anonymous Coward 2 99 N/A 08/03/11
9:52 PM 08/03/11
10:05 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is Sirius2045 8 182 N/A 08/03/11
4:11 PM 08/03/11
4:26 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells everyone at Bar How Screwed US Economy Really Is Frankenstein 16 691
(3) 08/03/11
10:34 AM 08/03/11
3:00 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is The Onion 3 293
(3) 08/03/11
10:44 AM 08/03/11
1:52 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is Anonymous Coward 6 325
(4) 08/03/11
12:13 PM 08/03/11
1:45 PM

The ONION IS PARODY... geez.

Onion rules..for truth!

BUMPADY BUMP

Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."

Enlarge Image A drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song "Back In The Saddle" on the bar jukebox.

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."

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ROFL literally!

So wish the whole thing was true.

Something tells me he's a crier drunk.

The setting should have been The Old Ebbitt. That would have made the story "possibly" believable. Nah... it's The Onion.
I can't believe any of you fell for that.

Dude, The Onion is not a news source...

Customers at the bar told reporters the "shitfaced" and disruptive Bernanke refused to pay for his drinks with U.S. currency, claiming it was "worthless." Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row.

"This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."

too funny his favorite song is

hey idiot...Theonion is a satirical news site.. Ofcourse its fake tard

Dude Even the men in black use the tabloid supermarket I slept with bigfoot rags to get the news. The Onion is the Truth!

it was pinned suggested for the late crowd. put a vote in for un-pin.

The Onion is satire, not true, sorry people

It is not meant to be true, fool. It is satire which reveals a greater truth than simple facts would.

I like him too now, for being honest!

But what in the hell was he doing in Nebraska?

A drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song "Back In The Saddle" on the bar jukebox.

XD XD XD

OK, no problem, it IS funny...I'm not a pin-nut so won't vote for un-pin...

No. I think you should pin ALL of them. The Onion is an excellent source for news. They always tell the truth! No, they always lie! So, which is it? I don't know!? I've never understood it!

The Onion=mad magazine=satire

yeah but the photos are so real looking!

....hmmmm maybe those photos of Anthony Weiner weren't real after all

No. I think you should pin ALL of them. The Onion is an excellent source for news. They always tell the truth! No, they always lie! So, which is it? I don't know!? I've never understood it!




just like CNN/FOX/etc..............

I agree. The Onion has there own very "unique" style of coverage that could benefit the late night crowd.

just like CNN/FOX/etc..............


You've never seen "Labyrinth", obviously.
Not to mention, I don't think you've actually read "The Onion." You really don't get satire, do you?

Source = The Onion = parody and not truth.

This does not mean, however, that the economy is fine. The economy is totally fucked... the Titanic has taken on so much water that we're now seeing the stern rise above the water as the bow planes under the waves. There's a 60-degree tilt now; the propellers are out of the water spinning and the bridge windows are pressurized by at least 5 feet of water around it.

That's how bad it is.

And all you trolls that discredit The Onion - who are YOU working for? Trying to cover up the truth that is spilled at the bar?

It is so simple to see that Ben B. is very uncomfortable in front of the microphone and the press as he must watch every word he says and LIE, lie lie and LIE!

Finally he slipped up and lost it at the bar! He's a nervous wreck and I don't know how he can ever get any sleep at all playing Monopoly with the world economy.

If this is true - Wallstreet should be shitting bricks now and the DowJones will probably nose dive tomorrow.

He he still in office or already got the pinkslip?

Well, he has a lost option; JUMP OFF THE ROOF!

[link to www.youtube.com]

Thanks Onion for sharing this fantastic TRUE news that is worth something. The media will not take this up on Fox, CNN or ABC etc, as they are busy working out another reason to get rid of him and lie up some other stories!

I actually felt sorry for him!! Seems like a nice guy with one fucked up job!

I can't imagine his moral hangover

Don't be rude. He was the first to bring up a fact that several here don't seem to be aware of(that The Onion is not a real news site). Just because you knew that, doesn't mean everyone does. This was presented as an actual news report and there is nothing on the article that states "This is fake!"

Cheers

It's sad when satire contains more honesty than the MSM bullshit they feed the sheeple.

Nice find OP, thanks for the laugh (followed closely by a groan, and then depression)