2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout: | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 7702124 United States 11/17/2012 07:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A semi-truck driver carrying a load of bowling balls is driving down an empty highway through the desert, and sees two black guys on the side of the road walking a bicycle. He stops and asks if they need a lift. They accept his offer, but he doesn't have room in the cab so he tells them to hop in the trailer. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17238890 Awhile later on the same highway, the trucker passes a state trooper who is training a rookie. The trooper pulls the trucker over to teach the rookie how to do a routine highway truck stop. The cops get up to the cab and the trucker asks "What's the problem officer?" The officer replies, "No problem, just running the rookie through a routine truck check. Mind if we take a look in the back?" The trucker agrees, so the cops walk to the back of the truck. The veteran officer cracks open the trailer and takes a peek inside, and slams it shut just as quickly and sprints back his police cruiser and speeds away, leaving the trucker confused. As they're driving away, the rookie asks the veteran, "What's wrong, why did we get out of there so fast?" To which the veteran replied, "That trucker was carrying a load of black eggs, and two of 'em already hatched a stole a bike!" ...and an election. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 5933997 United States 11/17/2012 07:46 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why don't you play Uno with mexicans?... Quoting: Seagal5 Because they always try to steal the green card Racists against mexicans and also the fact that we also only play games with spanish names. Comedic insults for all of us, friend. Aw, our Mexican friends play games with us, not of Spanish language. We also share our jokes, as above. It's always a good time. Why don't you play Uno with mexicans?... Quoting: Seagal5 it was a joke silly, uno is spanish for one Because they always try to steal the green card Racists against mexicans and also the fact that we also only play games with spanish names. Comedic insults for all of us, friend. Aw, our Mexican friends play games with us, not of Spanish language. We also share our jokes, as above. It's always a good time. |
NothingFancy User ID: 20864362 United States 11/17/2012 07:46 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma. After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a redneck!" The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "DeNephew." |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 5933997 United States 11/17/2012 07:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
2be0rnot2be User ID: 27644381 United States 11/17/2012 07:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27965431 United States 11/17/2012 08:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1336169 Netherlands 11/17/2012 08:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Last week I was driving through town, when all of a sudden I spotted a police car in the mirror. I stepped on the pedal, but could get rid of it, going through town at 90 miles an hour. Went through side streets, crashed market stands, along screaming people, but just couldn't lose them. Than finally, just when I thought I had succeeded,... road block. After they pulled me out of my car and slammed me on the hood, the officer asked: "Why the heck did you drive through town like that???" I said: "Well,... my wife ran off with a police guy last week and I was affraid you were coming to bring her back!" *disclaimer: No people, police men, market stands or vegetables were harmed in this joke. If however you recognise yourself in this joke, please contact your local S.G.A.U.V.J.P.P.M.V.J.G.L.P (Support Group Against the Use of People, Police men, Market Stands and Vegetables in Jokes on GodLike Productions) or call 0900 -S.G.A.U.V.J.P.P.M.V.J.G.L.P. ($1.60 per minute, plus the use of your mobile phone.) |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27711841 United States 11/17/2012 08:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma. Quoting: NothingFancy After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a redneck!" The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "DeNephew." Quintessential GLP uncle post. Well done nothingfancy. Tell the fandango rangers they can have the night off. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1336169 Netherlands 11/17/2012 08:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Last week I was arrested for a comment I made against the mounted police. I said to this police guy: "What a strange horse!" He asked: "What do you mean?" I replied: "Well, normally the dick is hanging underneath the horse, but with this one it is right on top!" |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 25050963 United States 11/17/2012 08:45 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout: Quoting: Unit3 Air in the hands Mother Stickers! This is a Fuck up! Funny how? Dyslexics have problems with visual cues not an inability to reproduce visual errors as sloemn errors. Don't give up your day job. Humor often reveals our conceptions—and misconceptions—of the world, and few psychological conditions are the butt of as many jokes as dyslexia: "I'm an agnostic dyslexic with insomnia. I lay awake all night trying to work out if there really is a Dog." Or: "Dyslexics of the world, untie!" Yet to people with dyslexia, these jokes aren't especially funny. Not only do they poke fun at people with a serious disability, they also reinforce inaccurate stereotypes of people with a genuine psychological condition and underscore just how distant the public's conception of dyslexia is from reality. [link to www.psychologicalscience.org] What a sad sad response to a joke. I am a brain damaged (two TBI in quick succession) rapid cycling manic depressive, and I love jokes about nut jobs. I bet if your attitude gets any worse you will become obsessed with pissing on people's birthday cakes. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27391689 United States 11/17/2012 08:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
ceawaves User ID: 27820741 Germany 11/17/2012 08:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout: Quoting: Unit3 Air in the hands Mother Stickers! This is a Fuck up! ummmm...Those were backward talkers.. not dyslexics.. But there was.. this women who got pulled over by a cop.. cop asked did she have any fire arms anywhere in the car? she said: Yes sir, one in my purse, one in the glove box, one under this seat, and one strapped on my leg... Cop asked: What are you afraid of? She said: Not a damn thing... |
Playto19 User ID: 2153952 United States 11/17/2012 08:59 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25103579 Canada 11/17/2012 09:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 1336169 Netherlands 11/17/2012 09:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Talking about penquins: Last week I picked up 3 penguins that were walking along the highway. I went to the nearest gas station and asked what I should do with them. The attendant said: "Take em to the zoo!" "Great idea!" I replied and drove off. Next day I arrived at the same gas station and the attendant noticed the penguins in the back seat. He said: "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo??" I replied: "Well, I sure did. They loved it! Today we are going to the beach!" |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27927390 United Kingdom 11/17/2012 09:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26997426 United States 11/17/2012 09:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 3559920 United States 11/17/2012 09:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | OK this is true story happend this morning. widows did an upgrade on my laptop last night. This morning I tried to do a spell check on a post I wanted to make and it said it did not support this language. My dyslexia is so bad I thought maybe the spelling was that far off. But no, my puter will not spell check english, anyone know why or how to fix it. I went to spelling options and engish is checked. Somthing went wrong with my auto upgrade. |
Unit3 (OP) User ID: 9834739 United States 11/17/2012 09:17 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Unit3 (OP) User ID: 9834739 United States 11/17/2012 09:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27928828 United States 11/17/2012 09:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Two cows are discussing how to get outside the fence to get to the good grass. A horse walks up and says "well, the best way is to push your nose under the wire and stretch your neck, then nibble away". One cow looks as the other one and says "What the fuck? A talking horse!" |
Unit3 (OP) User ID: 9834739 United States 11/17/2012 09:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26960085 United States 11/17/2012 09:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout: Quoting: Unit3 Air in the hands Mother Stickers! This is a Fuck up! Funny how? Dyslexics have problems with visual cues not an inability to reproduce visual errors as sloemn errors. Don't give up your day job. Humor often reveals our conceptions—and misconceptions—of the world, and few psychological conditions are the butt of as many jokes as dyslexia: "I'm an agnostic dyslexic with insomnia. I lay awake all night trying to work out if there really is a Dog." Or: "Dyslexics of the world, untie!" Yet to people with dyslexia, these jokes aren't especially funny. Not only do they poke fun at people with a serious disability, they also reinforce inaccurate stereotypes of people with a genuine psychological condition and underscore just how distant the public's conception of dyslexia is from reality. [link to www.psychologicalscience.org] What a sad sad response to a joke. I am a brain damaged (two TBI in quick succession) rapid cycling manic depressive, and I love jokes about nut jobs. I bet if your attitude gets any worse you will become obsessed with pissing on people's birthday cakes. I take offense to this joke as well. We dyslexics are teople poo. |